Headed to the beach

[jellibeans]

Thank you for your kind words. I think we are all pretty hard working around here. I am packing up my Porr book and going to the beach. I plan on relaxing and hopeful reconnect with my dd a bit. It will be god to have the time to think things over and try to get some perspective on things. I am feeling better and I am hopeful once again. Post when I get back and see if that lasts.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mama72]

Have a great time, jellibeans. I find that not many things are as healing as the ocean.

[pessim-optimist]

We'll be thinking of you... .Let us know how it went when you come back! Wishing you a peaceful, relaxing time at the beach!  

[HealingSpirit]

I'm thinking of you and hoping you and your family are having a nice, relaxing time.  I hope the soothing sound of the waves crashing helps calm everybody in your family.  God knows, you deserve a break!

[jellibeans]

We are back from the beach... .it went pretty good. Dd17 was on her best behavior and she offered to help out several times. She wanted to get her belly pierced but only asked a couple of times then let it go. She did just pierce her nose again which I am starting to think is another form of self harm. She came to the beach but also spent time alone in the room. She had a lot of dreams while we were there and I think some were more like nightmares. She is using a nicotine patch and I think this is a side effect. My dd dreams already alot and sometimes disturbing dreams so I think these dreams from the beach were really bad. She offen screamed and yelled in her sleep from them.

She slept most of the way home in the car but about an hour from home she woke and started with question about when she will be ungrounded... .when does she get her car back etc... .a bit of badgering but not too bad. Later on she told me she want to spend time with her friend tomorrow afternoon and I asked her if her friends father would be home and she said yes. She told me I could check with him. I texted later to ask the father if he would be home and let him know that if he wasn't dd could not be at his home. If they wanted to they could sleep at my house tomorrow etc... .well I guess this didn't sit well with her friend and she text my dd to complain about her crazy mother (me)... .this started my dd on an out and out rage that went on for an hour at least. I reminded calm for most of it until the end when I started to cry and told her I could no long talk to her anymore. I tried to defuse her several times but she was out of control. She finally started to get chest pains and told me she couldn't breathe... .I called for my H to get her meds and she would not let go of my hand and was trying to throw up... .asked to be taken to the hospital and I told her no but gave her the anti anxiety meds to help her calm down... .she then sat with me in bed for a time and finally returned to baseline.

She went to her room and put the music up high and took the dog with her... .my husband was worried and he checked in on her. Then later he asked me to check on her and I did. I told him I was not going to check on her every 10 mins because that gets her irritated as well. An hour goes by and she comes to my room and give me a hug and tells me she is sorry and that she is going to bed. She seem fine but what a ride we had tonight.

Tomorrow she goes to school to get her parking pass and I can't help wonder if she has some anxiety about going tomorrow. This explosion came out of no where and for nothing. I have texted this friends father before to ask if he was home so there really was nothing new but for some reason it set her off.

I am really wondering if she will be able to start school or maybe it will stabilize her... .without a schedule she really doesn't do well but I do think school is a real stressor. I am talking with her counselor this week and hope she can offer some help for dd and the start of school.

I don't really feel relaxed from my vacation... .it was a lot of work and I am tired from it all. Tomorrow I have another long drive with my older d to a doctor's appointment. I hope I can make it through this week.

[HealingSpirit]

She went to her room and put the music up high and took the dog with her... .my husband was worried and he checked in on her. Then later he asked me to check on her and I did. I told him I was not going to check on her every 10 mins because that gets her irritated as well. An hour goes by and she comes to my room and give me a hug and tells me she is sorry and that she is going to bed. She seem fine but what a ride we had tonight.

WOW! You live with so much fear, it's no wonder you're tired.  It sounds like you handled her dramatic rage very well, but how EXHAUSTING for you!   

What are you doing for yourself to make sure you will survive the upcoming week?  I'm in the middle of 3 books right now about BPD and Boundaries.  ALL of them discuss the importance of self-care.  It's one of my biggest personal challenges... .to make sure I schedule fun for myself, or let myself relax every day, even for a few minutes.  So, I probably harp on everybody here about it.  And when you all hear me complaining about being tired or frustrated, please remind me to do the same.

Hang in there! 

[jellibeans]

thank you HS... .you are always so kind... .I do find time for myself. You are right ... .it is when I am tired that I struggle the most with my dd. I do think the course I took has helped me be more mindful... .today I arrived home after another long road trip to see my d19 doctor to find my dd17 laying in bed. She had made plans to go out and I asked her about her drug group she goes to Monday nights. She said she forgot and was not going to go even though I had talked with this afternoon and she had told me she was going. I was not happy because the night before I was raged upon for well over an hour... .her telling me how she needs this drug group and that no one seems to realize how much she is trying to get help... .hmm... .today she forgets about her very important group?

she ended up going... .there was still time for her to make the group. My husband went out to see if she had enough gas in her car and managed to find some homemade drug pipes in her car... .these were there from the the time she was out and of course refused the drug tests. She felt bad and said she was sorry... .I told her I knew all along she had been doing drugs and that is why she was grounded. Until you have the proof in your hand and you show her she will not admit to any wrong doing.

She continues to struggle but she did end up doing the right thing tonight but I feel she really is having a hard time right now. We see her P tomorrow and I hope he can help.