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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: New job. 2 days into it and uBPDw is wanting to quit.  (Read 512 times)
Cipher13
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 838


« on: August 20, 2014, 05:56:23 AM »

Not sure how to handle things anymore. Not sure I ever handled them correctly in the first place. Wife started a new job. Took a huge pay cut. About half almost of what she was making. I'm not supposed to be angry or hate her for this she says. I am upset but I don't HATE her. Even with all the stuff she has called me over the years I don't HATE her. I I have disassociated most of what she says or does from her and know that BPD has its claws in mos to fit. Still if thats the case its not much of a fun life to live.

So I am already putting up a sense that if she quits and things get worse she will lay a lot more guilt on me to keep us from splittling up if that arguent comes up again. Maybe I am just being parnoid. I just know the next issue has arrived.
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Surnia
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 8 y married, divorced since 2012-11-22
Posts: 3900



« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2014, 11:26:21 PM »

Thats one of her difficulties with jobs, nothing you can really control. Not this issue, not the next.

Stay focused on yourself. Reaching out for a T for example for yourself.
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“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”  Brené Brown
stuckgirl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: engaged but not living together
Posts: 112



« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2014, 01:01:22 PM »

Not sure how to handle things anymore. Not sure I ever handled them correctly in the first place. Wife started a new job. Took a huge pay cut. About half almost of what she was making. I'm not supposed to be angry or hate her for this she says. I am upset but I don't HATE her. Even with all the stuff she has called me over the years I don't HATE her. I I have disassociated most of what she says or does from her and know that BPD has its claws in mos to fit. Still if thats the case its not much of a fun life to live.

So I am already putting up a sense that if she quits and things get worse she will lay a lot more guilt on me to keep us from splittling up if that arguent comes up again. Maybe I am just being parnoid. I just know the next issue has arrived.

its very hard to hate our SOs with BPD,no matter what they say,we all always know that its the disorder,unless they cross the line and physically abuse.keeping a job is a problem with my SO too,i dont know why he does not want to,coming back from an independent life and moving in with parents certainly does not make sense.

i dont think you're paranoid,youre her husband,you can sense when a problem is coming up,i'd say opt for a T for yourself as well.
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