my partner has more or less stopped texting,talking.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

He used to give me hell for not calling him,now he doesnt call

When he does he talks half heartedly.he uses to bother me about not texting me or calling me,now he really really does not care.

Every night he just lies to me that he's getting sleepy and will probably sleep in a moment ( something that i deserved being shot for if i used to say to him)

I said to him some months ago that his abuse is slowly chips away at my love.

Ive realized no matter what happens,he doesnt rage,just says its ponitless to fight about etc...

Has this happened to anyone gradually... .should i just take it to mean he doesnt love me now?

[stuckgirl]

He used to give me hell for not calling him,now he doesnt call

When he does he talks half heartedly.he uses to bother me about not texting me or calling me,now he really really does not care.

Every night he just lies to me that he's getting sleepy and will probably sleep in a moment ( something that i deserved being shot for if i used to say to him)

I said to him some months ago that his abuse is slowly chips away at my love.

Ive realized no matter what happens,he doesnt rage,just says its ponitless to fight about etc...

Has this happened to anyone gradually... .should i just take it to mean he doesnt love me now?

[stuckgirl]

O typos 

[gtrhr]

My ex gf used to avoid me all evening, focused on her two kids and parents even when I was actively involved in her children's lives often staying in the household.  I took it personally back then but look at it more as her issue.  We could never get closer because of that.  Finally I figured out, she can't handle closeness in a relationship and she admitted a long time ago this was part of how her ex husband got pushed away.

She gave me the, "baby you won't let me sleep" line towards the end of evening which was the only time I could have her undivided attention.  If I did insist that we talk about something important she always made it a nightmare.  Especially if it involved discussing any of her frequent verbal abuse to either me or my duaghter.  She would start talking faster and louder to try and shut me down, and then call anything she didn't agree with "an argument" and say it's too late to argue.  Things could never get resolved.  As long as it wasn't bothering her it wasn't worth her time.

I don't know that much about your situation.  I would agree that the person with BPD does not love us in a conventional sense of truly caring about the other person and their feelings.  It's a lot more selfish.  She talks sometimes about wanting a future but doesn't want to do anything practical to get there in the short term.  And if the topic of love comes up she could say she loves me one day and wants to spend her life together.  The very next day if she's being ridiculously mean you could say, is that how you treat someone that you love and want a future with?  Her answer of course, is that she doesn't know what love is and doesn't think we're a good match.  We used to go through endless cycles like this.

Good questions.  I really think the word love can be used by pwBPD as a manipulation.

Well my ex gf rarely called and even as we are in some limited communication and seeing each other a little bit now, it's not really ideal.  It's not that I need her to call anymore.  I've given up all hope she's capable to reach out like I would like.  It really is feeling more like time to move on and meet a true friend that wants a real connection.

[Suspicious1]

I could have written your post myself. From texting and calling all the time, my exbf began a slow withdrawal, being less affectionate and less loving, leaving more and more time between texts. Eventually I confronted him and he said he'd decided we got on better when we didn't communicate. I said that made me unhappy and he said he was going to bed.

I was so hurt as everything seemed to be going so well after 18 months with three previous discards. In my pain I stopped texting him too. So he didn't contact me, I didn't contact him. In the following month I did reach out to him a couple of times but it was always politely shut down.

Anyway all this happened nearly three months ago. I'm trying to move on.

[gtrhr]

Sometimes the person is in essence breaking up but doesn't clearly communicate it.  That's one option.  I've done this before - ignored a woman who kind of showed out yelling and I really didn't want further drama by coming out and saying, we're done.  She clearly got the hint and I was glad for it.

Sometimes a pwBPD keeps you at arms length (or beyond!)  I know with the woman I dated for a long time she claims I abandoned her when I was at my wits end trying to maintain some semblance of friendship and a loving relationship.  Her behavior said to me she was on the verge of a breakup and it constantly felt like she was drifting further apart.  Until she pulled me closer again.  Eventually it got to the point where I ended up breaking things off in spite of my desire to become closer.  It keeps things fairly ambiguous to maintain a physical romance, a limited friendship when you want something more present and consistent.  She may have loved me to some degree, but not the same way I loved her.  I certainly never got the sense she missed me enough to do anything differently.

I think back to a woman I dated a long time ago, and I was really crazy about that broke things off with me and broke my heart.  At the time it seemed cruel, but I got over her more quickly because of it.  In my heart I now THANK her for making a clean break and not wasting my time.  If the person is being fairly consistent in their actions, even if they lack the courage to do a breakup I consider it better than going through these cycles.  It's much better to have a sense that the relationship is over, even if I didn't want it to be.