Contrast of dealing with an adult pwBPD and my D

[SeaSprite]

I have a very frustrating ex-in-law ( h's ex), who I'm pretty sure lives with BPD.

She wants to be a good person I think, but she can be so horrible. Fortunately, it's my ex who has to deal with her, but because of the kids we do a fair amount of eggshell walking and damage control, and she has negatively impacted my h's relationship with his kids.

Then there's my own d, and one of the most painful aspects of her BPD is thinking that to someone else, she would look as awful as h's ex. I hope hope hope she outgrows some of it!

It has helped me to be more patient about ex's damage, so maybe there is a silver lining.

Is this a common experience?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[HealingSpirit]

Based on the fact that this site has an entire message board devoted to those dealing with an ex, or the SO's ex, I'd say YES, it is pretty common.

When you add a parent with BPD into the blended family dynamic, it can be overwhelming for you, your spouse, and especially the children. It takes a lot of effort to figure out how to find a balance in these often contentious situations.

You will find a vast amount of shared ideas and resources on [L5] Parenting after the Split, along with numerous articles and workshops discussing ways of supporting the kids and effectively meeting their needs.

[trytrytry]

Dear Seawalker,

Very interesting comment about comparing your d to you husbands' ex and finding more compassion towards the ex.  I have that experience quite often as I work with emotionally unstable teens, and I happen to have several friends  with some mental health struggles.

I find compassion and hope for all involved.  Some of my mentally ill adults friends have found help and are living good productive lives, and that gives me so much hope.

By watching the struggles and success of all these folks, I find compassion for the parents of the unstable teens, as well as both hope and compassion for my own dd28 with udBPD.

Interesting topic.