Eggshells and all that... continued

[nzmum]

 

Here I am on the correct board now I hope.  Please advise if I do anything wrong etc as I've never done this message board thing before!

A couple of you asked what my daughters issues are.  There's a list below that may help you understand my concern.

The only therapy sessions so far have been 'forced'.

She admits and hates she is not 'normal' wants to get better 'NOW' and doesn't like talking to strangers or repeating herself.  Many other excuses on top of these!

Eating less and less

No known trauma

Cries a lot

Obsesses over relationships HUGELY

Depressed for certain

Violent, rapid mood swings often unexplained

Had to quit work as could not cope ‘keeping a front up’

Many GP visits

Many A&E visits

Says she is scared, cold and feels her body is shutting down

Mental Health crisis team involvement

Disconnection from family

Processing failing really lost sense of reality

Recently smoking weed

Hospital admission

Respite house

65kg in Nov/Dec – now 50kg approx.

Quit school in term one this year

Suicidal thoughts (most days) and one interrupted attempt

Self-harm: bruising, cutting etc.

Police involvement at home

Friends less involved - she feels unappreciated

Refuses to get up most days - does absolutely nothing

Gigantic mood swings

Obsessive use of blog

Difficult getting her to counselling

Leaves the house to cope with anger - can't/won't walk back

Recently left house AFTER we had gone to sleep 

Police involved in searches ++

Manipulation of MANY situations

Red tape prevents parents from helping!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

Hi NZmum,

Nice to see you here-although I'm sorry for the reasons that brought you.

It isn't really possible to go wrong with posting on this site.Most people start on the new member's board as you did and then are directed to the board that looks most appropriate for them.

Many of your daughter's issues will be familiar to other parents with a child with BPD.

It looks like the rapid loss of weight and the self-harm are immediately pressing problems-are the mental health team onto these and treating them as a priority?

Near the top of the board you will find a thread "Lessons-What can a parent do"-this is a good place to start reading.

When she was younger my daughter had similar issues to those your daughter is experiencing now-depression, an eating disorder, emotional dysregulation, self harm and suicide attempts. Although she still has some residual difficulties she really is much better. There is hope.

I do hope you will find this board as helpful as I have done,

[Infern0]

Hi there,  sorry to hear that you are going through this.

The treatment for borderline personality disorder is DBT therapy so really the best you can do is attempt to get your daughter into that.

Learn up on all of the communication techniques and do everything you can to stay strong and healthy and keep your boundaries up. Do not enable.

Best of luck

[nzmum]

So another day of anger (hers) not eating (hers) lying in bed ALL day as there is no point doing anything.  I've done all the usual things of opening curtains - suggesting various things to possibly get up for... .

short of getting physical I have no hope.

Tomorrow is another day

Hope it's a better one!

[nzmum]

Scratch that!  She's up!  Dressed!  ... .and out of the door

Before departing we were given her terms:  'do not call the police' (something we have had to resort to in the past as it's been dark and she walks on country roads to the highway, including over-bridges, so far from being safe) 'I will call later'.

So as she used the bathroom I had the wee chat (one sided again) about the sense of walking for a short distance - turning around and heading back (if necessary continuing the walk in the other direction past the house) apparently this is 'NOT HOW IT WORKS!'

Explanation: In a previous discussion she told me that she 'has' to keep walking in the one direction until the anger/stress subsides - 'walking back makes it unbearable'.  So yup I guess we'll get a call when she is done/too tired/too cold/too wet.  Who knows when that will be.  I doubt we will get the hourly call we have asked for to be honest.  This is approx the 7th time in 3 weeks.  At least it's daylight.  As our main objective is to keep her 'safe' we will call the police when it gets dark.  We will go looking for her then too.  We will take the attitude when we get her back and yes, we will not discuss the matter so as not to agitate her further.

I know this is us enabling her behavior but boy do we feel like we're over a barrel.

Tomorrow is still going to be another day

[nzmum]

Yup it is another day!

The police found our DD before we even called last night.  Apparently a friend (concerned by a post re. a bridge and some cars on social media) called them first.  No messing around this time - straight to a police cell to await assessment from the crisis team.   So we headed to town to pick up the pieces.  2 more professionals blown away at the traits our DD is presenting with.  Why do we always cry when folk tell us we ARE doing the best we can and that we ARE NOT responsible?  At least she was hungry after all the drama was over! 

We are hoping we can get her in the car tomorrow to see her psychologist - 2nd appointment only as our DD thus far has had no desire to engage  :'(

[lever.]

This reminds me very much of how my daughter was about 8 years ago.

After a few incidents like the one you describe she was forcibly admitted to a psychiatric ward under the mental health act (UK).

It was extremely distressing at the time BUT things are much,much better now. No self-harm and she eats normally.

Hang in there-there is hope.

I actually told my daughter that if I was concerned for her safety I would always phone mental health team or police.

I am pleased that your daughter has been kept at the police station and will get a mental health assessment. It may take some time for her to co-operate with treatment.

Hopefully she will form a good relationship with one of the professionals trying to help her.

[lever.]

Oh! just realised she's home now. Hope she goes with you to the psychologist. If she won't I suggest you phone to apologize and stress that you feel concerned about keeping her safe.

[nzmum]

Thanks Lever appreciate the advice.  Purposely did not mention the appointment at all yesterday.

DD has not surfaced yet this morning so I'll have a coffee first - then face knocking on the door 

[pessim-optimist]

You keep a sense of humor about you, nzmum! 

Let us know how it went... .

From your descriptions, your dd reminds me of a BPD autobiography I read a few years ago:

Get Me Out of Here - Rachel Reiland

The author was an adult when she got into therapy, but it's my favorite when it comes to describing what it's like to suffer from this illness, and also it is really hopeful as she recovered through diligent hard work in therapy.

[nzmum]

Hands up anyone else who wishes someone - ANYONE - would tell them how a therapy session went?   

Heaven forbid I may have something to contribute!

Gosh - perhaps there may even be something I could actively help with?

I'm only her Mother after all!

Ask her to tell me?  Yeah, right!  Cause she communicates everything  so well right now!


Thank you all.

Needed that off my chest.  Quite frustrated today.

xx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

So, I take it there at least was a therapy session? That is a positive teensy bit of a step forward.

So sorry it was also very frustrating, nzmum... .Hopefully in the future, there will be some progress.