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scraps66
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« on: October 07, 2014, 12:10:06 PM » |
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Like putting lipstick on a pig.
Had my second co-parent counseling session with my exuBPDNPDw last night. Recap, petitioned court three months ago to make mods to my custody order based on some things ex was doing interfering with my parenting. Long and the short, new very inexperienced Master, didn’t feel strongly enough about anything I had mentioned that would motivate a change to the Order. So, he asks if we had gone through co-parent counseling. The custody order was issued four years ago, and required we go to coparent counseling. Ex went, and lasted 15 minutes, and stormed out when I started to voice my concerns. Essentially she did not participate. The Master reprimanded ex with a, “tsk, tsk…... you have to go coparent counseling.”
So, recognizing that I was already turned down on trying to get ex to actually get a credible psychological evaluation in my last petition, something that would provide good evidence for the court to consider, instead we’re going to counseling, together, something that NEVER worked in all the years we have been together and four years post custody order. Wonderful, I can’t wait!
The counselor we have is good, works with children in conflict. We’ve met with him with the kids, individually, and each of us with our bf and gf, now together again. I had explained to him the corner stone of our relationship being blame shifting and he has stalled that in our session last night.
We had gone, a week ago last Friday, back in front of the Master for a follow-up. At the very same time, we had been in discussions about getting our asperger’s diagnosed S9 additional help through wrap around services at school. We have a Behavioral Support Consultant who gave us a number of options to consider. One was an after school program on Tues/Th where S9 would get picked up and taken to the administering location. Strictly for autistic kids. We discussed this with the BSC, I wanted it, ex did not, she claimed it made too long of a day for S9, too much. Then we have our hearing for my petition three months ago, and she now claims to know nothing about this Tues/Th after school program, like she ah d never heard about it….but she was given the same info as the BSC gave me. So this day in front fo the master she just lies that she knows nothing about this program. After the hearing she would call the BSC and ream her about not knowing about this program.
Fast forward two months and two weeks ago, after we had started coparent counseling, and two days before our follow-up with the Master. I get S9 into a Wednesday evening social skills class for S9. After much debate. Great. The following week comes and goes, and ex does not take S9 to the Wed. night class on her night. Her reasoning was that, during the time we were debating the class, at one point I had said, “No,” to him going to the class because we were still evaluating his entire schedule and there was still the Tues/Th class we hadn’t decided on. So at the moment I say no.
This was her reasoning, I had said no, and when I did, ex enrolled S9 in a music class that conveniently conflicted with the Wed. social skills class. Incidentally, a week had lapsed between her night to take S9 to the class and when I found out about the music class – she enrolled him without telling me and it JUST so happened to fall on Wednesday!
So the follow-up with the Master comes, I say, let’s put the Wed. social skills class in the Order. L agrees. Ex goes into a fit about putting this in the Order and that “his parents” are supposed to decide what his activities are to be, blah, blah, and she breaks down in tears. We also debate long and hard with ex’s fat@ss lawyer leading the charge about, “he said no.” At no point in the discussions did we discuss what was in fact good for S9, it was all about me saying “no” and the Master just couldn’t get to the root of the issue.
So last night I bring this issue up with the coparent counselor and again, ex’s response is the same, “I wanted him to go and you said no.” Since I am playing along I did not follow-up and recorrect – though I wanted to and I’m not sure if the counselor can strongly enough address this issue with ex, that she is getting wrapped up in the blame game and her usual pattern of abuse, and overlooking what’s right for S9.
The counselor’s approach is to break the old patterns of behavior and begin the new. But, I am again skeptical of going through this process, the money, the time, with what ex has just demonstrated for me. Plus the fact that I know there is an undiagnosed mental illness that is not uncovered because court will not allow me to have the same info. that ex has, a credible psych eval from a qualified forensic psychologist.
The approach has me a little concerned as he seems to think the kids need to see us together, at activities, parties, etc. being civil to each other. I just don’t see that that is possible given the history of abuse, etc. and I’m concerned that what he wants us to do is essentially be in closer physical proximity. Something I had reduced to a bare minimum over the last few years.
I really think I need to talk to the counselor about his approach and let him know I’m concerned with what has happened historically and assuming that this abrupt about-face in ex’s behavior will fix everything.
The counselor will write a report, but he’s already said that it will be basic, state the plan going forward, but will not criticize either party.
Like I said, like putting lipstick on a pig.
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