Was your partner in treatment for BPD? Did it make a difference?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Mine was, and I think it made a difference in our relationship (we could talk about it, try to come up with strategies, etc) but not so much in our break up (that's when I felt the illness in full force-- the intractability of the black/white thinking, the victim/blaming, and the intense anger parts of it in particular). If I brought up the possibility that BPD stuff was playing a role in our interaction at that point, it would make her more angry. What was your experience?

[kc sunshine]

Mine was, and I think it made a difference in our relationship (we could talk about it, try to come up with strategies, etc) but not so much in our break up (that's when I felt the illness in full force-- the intractability of the black/white thinking, the victim/blaming, and the intense anger parts of it in particular). If I brought up the possibility that BPD stuff was playing a role in our interaction at that point, it would make her more angry. What was your experience?

[hope2727]

Victim blaming. Yup that's my life these days. Mine is in treatment now but I don't think they have told him BPD yet. He is VRRY resistant to a diagnosis as in he doesn't want to be labeled. They seem to be slowly working their way around to it. Every email or other contact I get slowly integrates new terms like mood disorder as time goes by. But as for the relationship no he doesn't seem to see his illness as a part of that. The failure of the relationship (he left) is in his opinion my fault for triggering him. Pretty tough not to when everything I do kne way or another triggers him.

[Fluff]

My BPD friend had been in psychotherapy (they never gave him CBT or DBT) for almost 10 years. At the end he had grown so much, and the last thing he said to me was he realized he was so much sicker than he had thought. But, even if he was more insightful it didn't change his ways. From my little little experience with this stuff; it doesn't matter.

[Lion Fire]

yes she was but she minimised it. She told me "they" (the Social services) had diagnosed her with BPD after her suicide attempt and subsequent sectioning by the state. She was "not convinced" by their diagnosis.

She asked me once to come with her to a session to support her. There was a psychologist and a high ranking NHS psychiatrist present. It was intense but she was cool as a cucumber and played them like little kittens  Damn! It was impressive. She was composed and articulate and could have sold snow to an eskimo that day. a masterclass in bluffing!

The big cat even said she was coping incredibly well and was at the lower end of the BPD scale ie. high functioning and recovering!. They asked me my thoughts and experiences and in disbelief I sidestepped this with a generic response. They were easy going with their treatment options. she had to attend a monthly session as well as work on a DBT workbook at home (which she never).

That woman was slick in public, I have to give her that. World Class

it was around this time that she began to be grandiose and dominant, losing all humility. It was a victory for her and from that day on all of the problems were mine and I was the sick and dysfunctional one. tbh, I see this as the big turning point. Things got really bad.

At the end, she flipped it all, accused me of being BPD and even gave me her DBT workbook 

[Recooperating]

yes she was but she minimised it. She told me "they" (the Social services) had diagnosed her with BPD after her suicide attempt and subsequent sectioning by the state. She was "not convinced" by their diagnosis.

She asked me once to come with her to a session to support her. There was a psychologist and a high ranking NHS psychiatrist present. It was intense but she was cool as a cucumber and played them like little kittens  Damn! It was impressive. She was composed and articulate and could have sold snow to an eskimo that day. a masterclass in bluffing!

The big cat even said she was coping incredibly well and was at the lower end of the BPD scale ie. high functioning and recovering!. They asked me my thoughts and experiences and in disbelief I sidestepped this with a generic response. They were easy going with their treatment options. she had to attend a monthly session as well as work on a DBT workbook at home (which she never).

That woman was slick in public, I have to give her that. World Class

it was around this time that she began to be grandiose and dominant, losing all humility. It was a victory for her and from that day on all of the problems were mine and I was the sick and dysfunctional one. tbh, I see this as the big turning point. Things got really bad.

At the end, she flipped it all, accused me of being BPD and even gave me her DBT workbook 

Similar thing here! After a huge dysregation, cheating and near psychoses I said go to therapy or Im gone... .He went and I went with him. In that session he played the waif (he's actually hermit/king) and he got diagnosed. I wasnt invited to any other sessions, but every week he would come back from therapy saying how well he was doing when things actually were getting worse. I think he played his T. like an organ. In the end he said I made him go to therapy while was the sane one. His T. had said I was the BPD one and I belonged in a mental institution.

I had to hear this so often that I asked my T. if she thought it was true. Nope codep. traits, no BPD. I still had doubts and went as far as asking my non exbf (before my rs with exBPD) how they saw me in our rs. He also agreed I wasnt BPD.

I do think it might have rubbed of a bit on me. At the end of the rs I was having difficulties with staying calm and collective. I reacted to his nonsense quite unhealthy at times. Never knew I had that in me.

I really think its hard for high functioning BPD's to submit to getting help and taking it serious.

[AG]

Mine is in treatment. Well last that I know of we don't talk anymore so she might have dropped out. It seemed to get worse actually with the diagnosis. I think she got better in the fact that she no longer was making trips to the hospital for suicide. However she still flipped a switch of crazy on me towards the end while I was giving her support through her time of need. She raged and attacked me one last time when she lost her job. Kept screaming and yelling at me and told me to get out of her apt. When I went to leave because I didn't want anymore confrontation or for her to push so much that I snap back she followed me to the door and bullied some more. Grabbed my clothes while trying to get dressed to leave and threw them out in the hallway and said get dressed outside. I said "why are you doing this I'm the one person trying to help you and your family is trying to help you but your pushing everyone away". Once I was on the bus to go back home to my own place she called and I could hear from her voice she was embarrassed of her actions and wanted me to come back. However she could not bring herself to do this apology instead she raged some more and told me she didn't want me in her life. Many of situations like this that didn't make any sense would happen. I tried getting closure from her not too long ago and it was the same thing. Blaming and reversing the story. Pretty much she abused me and reverses herself to the role of victim. It is to the point where she almost can't even defend how she is a victim there is just too much overwhelming evidence. Instead she takes a wrong and strong approach. Her facebook also would indicate that she thinks that she has been wronged so badly. So no thus far the therapy didn't do squat. She is still a victim of the world and the world still owes her something. I'm not so sure that they can fix this disorder anymore. Also not sure if anyone else has experienced this but for me it seemed the diagnosis became a shield for my ex. For example she could message me randomly and when I respond become nasty to me out of no where and then say "I have a disorder please forget this situation it was a mistake and it's not my fault I am sick". I kinda got the feeling that the diagnosis brought on a new problem. If she makes a mistake or even if she does something wrong on purpose she can always blame it on the disorder. In my experience it got worse with treatment. I do not know how she is engaging in therapy though. She could be going there and lying for all I know.

[Blimblam]

My borderline mum has been in therapy for years.

As time goes on she seems to have gotten worst.

The last year or two she seems to have made improvements with the medication they have her on.

At the end of the day i still can not trust her to not project toxicity into me.

My mom is a pretty severe case though

[AG]

My borderline mum has been in therapy for years.

As time goes on she seems to have gotten worst.

The last year or two she seems to have made improvements with the medication they have her on.

At the end of the day i still can not trust her to not project toxicity into me.

My mom is a pretty severe case though

Blim Blam have you noticed the use of the diagnosis as a shield for her action?

[Blimblam]

My borderline mum has been in therapy for years.

As time goes on she seems to have gotten worst.

The last year or two she seems to have made improvements with the medication they have her on.

At the end of the day i still can not trust her to not project toxicity into me.

My mom is a pretty severe case though

Blim Blam have you noticed the use of the diagnosis as a shield for her action?

She hasn't flat out admitted the diagnosis but in a very round about projecting sort of way.

I think they diagnosed her bipolar obsessive compulsive with ptsd.

She has some narcisistic qualities also.

[ReluctantSurvivor]

My exBPDgf had recieved treatment before I met her.  I do not know the details.  She used to cut and had attempted suicide but no longer engaged in self harm.  Well that is not entirely true, she engaged in anorexic behavior for two weeks before our split.  So she got just enough therapy to stop cutting and not much more.  She would wear a bracelet at all times when we met to cover a small scar on her wrist.

[Tom P]

Mine was undergoing (And is still undergoing) DBT therapy throughout the break up and aftermath. Although there were moments when she used the skills (and showed a great deal of pride that she had used them) Throughout most of the time she seemed (and seems still)to be getting worse with her behaviour. She claimed to me and to many others that her DBT therapist had told her to continue drinking alcohol throughout the process as it did not affect her mental health.There were two things i found suspicious about this,most of her hospitilisations were as a direct result of her drinking/drunken behaviour,she never really self harmed or attempted to take her own life when she was sober (barring one incident) the second thing was when i spoke to her mental health team after a suicide attempt (i was legally her next of kin at that point)who informed me "we have spoken to (ex's name) about her drinking and how she needs to stop. And she was not happy when i informed her of this.In all honesty i have seen therapy have no positive effect on her whatsoever. Therapies (particularly DBT) are used to give a BPD sufferer "a life worth living" where as my ex partner has just reset to her partying self destructive ways from before we even met. Not really the positive life change that has been touted as the goal of therapy

[kc sunshine]

My ex was also much worse after drinking, even after just one glass of wine! She stopped for a while but went back to it.