Validation of our children's independent observations and conclusions is our goal. It may take some age-appropriate guidance and even redirection but the better our children can observe, reason and reach their own valid conclusions, the more prepared they will be for their lives when adults and on their own.
Yeah, this is the hardest thing to learn, probably the most important, and easiest to forget when something pushes our buttons and we feel on the defensive.
In a moment like that when your child is asking you this, the ninja move is to say, "How did you feel when your dad told you that?"
Because what we're going for is helping our kids learn to deal with difficult feelings, and to learn that their feelings are real. That's how they develop a stable self amidst the dysfunction around them. It also builds trust, because it tells them that you are focused on their feelings, not your own.
It's hard.
