is anyone on here in a "recycle"

[Infern0]

I'm just wondering because I may be about to attempt a recycle with her.

On the leaving boards they don't think it's possible but I'm just wondering if anyone has recycled and had any success.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[rickdeckard]

Hey Infern0!

Yeah, I know. Im from the leaving board.

That being said, its the nature of that board to be all about the R/S failing and not being recoverable. Its right in the title.

This is the best place to ask your question on this forum (as far as I know). Something to remember, though. If someone is having a successful relationship with a disordered partner, they may never post anything anywhere because they aren't looking for answers. I believe it was Skip that said something along the lines of "you see so many damaged R/S's here for the same reason you see only broken cars in an auto shop. The ones that are running have no need to be there".

Now that I am thinking about it, I seem to remember that there is a section or post or something called "success stories".  The ones that did work out.

Honestly it would do my heart good to see a success. There's a lot of hurt, hearing "its actually working out great" would be nice for a change.

Take care, dude. I do wish you luck with it. And there are plenty of tools here if you are going to try to work in building the R/S.

Maybe someone will get the (mostly) "Happily Ever After" ending. Maybe it will be You. But no matter what happens to not neglect yourself. Thos is (obviously) bad for you and bad for any relationship with another person.

[hope2727]

Hi I am not but in truth I wish I was. I know that sounds crazy but I really do love and respect my guy. I miss him powerfully.

I hope you will come and post regularly so we can all hear how you are doing. I am currently going to a Psychologist that specializes in BPD once a week at great out of pocket expense to learn all I can. I want to be prepared for him if a recycle occurs. I don't think it will (its been 5 months now that I am painted black.  :'() But on the off chance it does I want to be ready.

I can tell you what did and didn't work in our last recycles now that I am aware thats what they were. It could be totally different for your pwBPD though.  Boundaries were something he HATED! He even hated the word. So I had to say I feel hurt when ... .you do... .I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who does that if you can't live with that I understand. And then I had to walk away and let him decide. When he was freaking out about something ridiculous I had to not explain (Not JADE). He even told me once I was better off telling him I wouldn't dignify something with a response.  I had to be clear about rules ( no calling after 10, call before you come by, I am not your counsellor, if you are suicidal call the hot line here is the number, I don't care for this friend see him on your own etc.) I had to almost be rude. I would tell him "wow how rude" and walk away and he would snap out of it and say sorry. I would tell him " I won't participate in this conversation anymore" and walk away (tough since it was my house and I had to stay in a hotel overnight) but he didn't do it again. So basically all the things they teach here but I didn't understand that I was doing. Sigh how depressing.

Ok well I literally just came from my counselling apt where I sobbed my eyes out like a fool so I am going to stop now. I was finally feeling a bit better and I want to hang onto it. Please take care of you. Please let me know how it goes. Please tell me are you reaching out to her/him or the other way around? I want to call mine so badly but I think its a bad idea. I think he has to come to me. AND I think this time he has to work for it. I always took him back to easily so he lost respect for me and valued me less. He even told me he respected me more when I told him to get stuffed.

Ok missing him lots now. Need another cry. Please keep us posted. 

[Infern0]

Yeah mine is reaching out to me,  slowly but surely and I even got an apology and a bit of self awareness so it's a slow thing. I want to try and just be friends first for a little while and test the waters a bit.  I'm not ready to jump straight back in to the hurricane but she is very special to me so it'd be nice to just hang out and stuff and then I guess maybe I'd be open to reconcile. 

I'm in two minds over the whole thing

[peiper]

Hi I am not but in truth I wish I was. I know that sounds crazy but I really do love and respect my guy. I miss him powerfully.

I hope you will come and post regularly so we can all hear how you are doing. I am currently going to a Psychologist that specializes in BPD once a week at great out of pocket expense to learn all I can. I want to be prepared for him if a recycle occurs. I don't think it will (its been 5 months now that I am painted black.  :'() But on the off chance it does I want to be ready.

I can tell you what did and didn't work in our last recycles now that I am aware thats what they were. It could be totally different for your pwBPD though.  Boundaries were something he HATED! He even hated the word. So I had to say I feel hurt when ... .you do... .I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who does that if you can't live with that I understand. And then I had to walk away and let him decide. When he was freaking out about something ridiculous I had to not explain (Not JADE). He even told me once I was better off telling him I wouldn't dignify something with a response.  I had to be clear about rules ( no calling after 10, call before you come by, I am not your counsellor, if you are suicidal call the hot line here is the number, I don't care for this friend see him on your own etc.) I had to almost be rude. I would tell him "wow how rude" and walk away and he would snap out of it and say sorry. I would tell him " I won't participate in this conversation anymore" and walk away (tough since it was my house and I had to stay in a hotel overnight) but he didn't do it again. So basically all the things they teach here but I didn't understand that I was doing. Sigh how depressing.

Ok well I literally just came from my counselling apt where I sobbed my eyes out like a fool so I am going to stop now. I was finally feeling a bit better and I want to hang onto it. Please take care of you. Please let me know how it goes. Please tell me are you reaching out to her/him or the other way around? I want to call mine so badly but I think its a bad idea. I think he has to come to me. AND I think this time he has to work for it. I always took him back to easily so he lost respect for me and valued me less. He even told me he respected me more when I told him to get stuffed.

Ok missing him lots now. Need another cry. Please keep us posted. 

Some BPDs attempt recycles years after the BU, If they've found another it generally take three months for the honeymoon stage to fade,

[formflier]

 

You can read some of my story...

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=235291.0

Yes... it is possible to have success with a recycle...