Out of town and she won't talk to me... has this happened to you?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Things were going pretty much ok but then we had a "misunderstanding" yesterday. I am out of town. I can't just get on a plane and come home and try and make things right. She won't respond to my texts ( yes, desperate to engage with her and sounding like a complete wimp). I have apologized. Read my other post about the coffee maker. When I finally reached her by phone she said that we have to talk when I get home. That sent me into a panic. I was feeling much stronger and confident lately but I seem to have backslided. Right now I feel like this fearful little kid. I asked her if she is done with us. She wouldn't clarify. Just kept talking about how selfish I was for again making it all about me when she was the one who was offended. All I was trying to do was make it right. Explain to her. I know. Bad. I should have used some of the tools but I just began blabbering about how " I didn't mean that"... .something I have said about 1000 times since I met her.

I did get a text last night reiterating how selfish I am and how I just need to listen and understand FOR ONCE.

It kills me that she won't talk it out with me. As I spin my wedding ring around my finger and tear up, I just wish that she would reassure me that this she is only really really mad at me and not going to leave me.

I have lost my backbone.

And I have to be mature and professional and give attention to what I am doing. And all I think about is her and that she might leave me and I feel in a panic.

Has anybody gone through this?

[michel71]

Things were going pretty much ok but then we had a "misunderstanding" yesterday. I am out of town. I can't just get on a plane and come home and try and make things right. She won't respond to my texts ( yes, desperate to engage with her and sounding like a complete wimp). I have apologized. Read my other post about the coffee maker. When I finally reached her by phone she said that we have to talk when I get home. That sent me into a panic. I was feeling much stronger and confident lately but I seem to have backslided. Right now I feel like this fearful little kid. I asked her if she is done with us. She wouldn't clarify. Just kept talking about how selfish I was for again making it all about me when she was the one who was offended. All I was trying to do was make it right. Explain to her. I know. Bad. I should have used some of the tools but I just began blabbering about how " I didn't mean that"... .something I have said about 1000 times since I met her.

I did get a text last night reiterating how selfish I am and how I just need to listen and understand FOR ONCE.

It kills me that she won't talk it out with me. As I spin my wedding ring around my finger and tear up, I just wish that she would reassure me that this she is only really really mad at me and not going to leave me.

I have lost my backbone.

And I have to be mature and professional and give attention to what I am doing. And all I think about is her and that she might leave me and I feel in a panic.

Has anybody gone through this?

[maxen]

hi michel71   

i'm really sorry that you're in this situation. it's the sort of exchange that, unfortunately, we find in lots of r/ss, BPD or no. i've seen it too often.

I asked her if she is done with us. She wouldn't clarify.

... .

reiterating how selfish I am and how I just need to listen and understand FOR ONCE.

It kills me that she won't talk it out with me.

so you need to understand, but she won't tell you what it is that you need to understand.

I have lost my backbone.

i don't think you have. you have accommodated her emotions and are making good faith efforts to engage, and she's enjoying being manipulative. which of these two is - to put it bluntly - the weaker one?

i read your other thread michel.  what are the good things in the r/s?

[rizi78]

just stop giving her attention and stop showing how much you care just wait she will give you attention herself just have to be patient in it .