holding a child over my head

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Been married now a few years both in our later 30s. I bring up wanting to have a child and i hear im not ready yet. I dont think he will ever be "ready". Thinking of having a talk soon about it more in depth with him... .any suggestions?.  Im afraid that i am just going to have to move on with my life and leave... .

[RR4U]

Been married now a few years both in our later 30s. I bring up wanting to have a child and i hear im not ready yet. I dont think he will ever be "ready". Thinking of having a talk soon about it more in depth with him... .any suggestions?.  Im afraid that i am just going to have to move on with my life and leave... .

[Samuel S.]

Honesty with tact should be the order of the day. It is easy to make a child. It is another matter to rear a child that needs love, guidance, support, and consistency.

It is important to have this talk with him as to why he feels he is not ready in order to find out why he feels that way. He may have his own doubts due to his past. He may have his own doubts that he is incapable of rearing a child. He may wish only to have you and not to have the distraction of a child. It is really difficult to say what is going on in his mind.

Again, the only way to clear this matter is to communicate with him. If it means couple counseling to clear this matter, so be it. Then, the two of you will understand each other even better than now.

If he is adamant about not wanting a child, then, you need to make your own decision as to what you want to do.

No matter what, this is an exceedingly important topic in a couple's relationship and growth. There is no easy answer; however, being able to clarify each other's point of view will be helpful.

The best of luck to you!