Big decision ... starting NC today

[guy4caligirl]

I have been on this site for almost  a month .I learned a lot . Before joining

I had a lot of questions as in why , no closure ,silent treatment and so on... .

I have written her in the first2 months numerous emails  .

She cherry pick and answer to defend herself that is was all me .

No it wasn't! Thanks for all your posts I have learned not to loose myself esteem and keep going good and bad days .

After talking to her yesterday on the phone for the second time in 3 months , I decided , it's not worth the effort of beating a dead horse , I know she isn't going to make it if she won't seek help I asked to do so but... .She is no longer my responsibility period.

Today is the start of my NC I need all your support , encouragement, comments  , personal experience, what ever it takes to stick with NC

Please help me as we help others .

Thank you .

[Raybo48]

You should do fine... If you stumble (like I have several times) don't beat yourself up about it.  Just reset the clock and move forward. 

[FlyingAway]

Someone here on the forum mentioned that he uploaded an app with a timer that counts off the days of NC. I did the same. It's been 12 days for me, and sometimes it helps to look at that little app to prove my progress.

I know it will be a long road, full of pain and emotional vacillation, but I'm gonna stay with it. I've given up too much of myself to this disorder already. And I know that any steps backward (i.e. contact) will set me back to square one.

Been there, done that way too many times over the past year. In my case (and confirmed by many others here), things only got worse each time. The pain was prolonged, and got in the way of eventual healing. I have faith that this time it'll work. For good.

[antonio1213]

I have been NC for a month now.  She rarely ever tried to contact me. She only called me one day and left a voicemail and an email or text message. Thats it. but while I was looking at my phone ring with her number on it I realized that NC is the best way to go. I wanted to answer it SOO badly. I missed her so much, we spent every second of every day of every hour together. She was all I had and all I talked to. But the second she left I knew what I had to do. NC.

What helps me do NC is just deleting everything about her from my life. She sent me a friend request on fb, I ignored it. No matter what she says to me I just ignore it. When she contacts me I won't lie it makes me feel good, like she cares or something. But in the end these people are like children and they only want you to stay around so they can use you when they need you.

So my advice is just to ignore everything, delete everything, and know that if it isn't you it is going to be someone else. It is very hard. Whenever you feel like contacting them just think that if you do it will make you being able to heal take a lot longer, and will set you back.

One thing that is helping me out tremendously is using anger to my advantage. I guess I am in the anger stage of a break up. And the way our relationship ended she did me wrong. So I use the anger to my advantage. And know that her not being able to contact me or get her claws in me makes her powerless. Completely powerless! it is a good feeling. She hates it when I ignore her. This probably isn't the healthiest thing to do but hey it is helping me out

[guy4caligirl]

I have been NC for a month now.  She rarely ever tried to contact me. She only called me one day and left a voicemail and an email or text message. Thats it. but while I was looking at my phone ring with her number on it I realized that NC is the best way to go. I wanted to answer it SOO badly. I missed her so much, we spent every second of every day of every hour together. She was all I had and all I talked to. But the second she left I knew what I had to do. NC.

What helps me do NC is just deleting everything about her from my life. She sent me a friend request on fb, I ignored it. No matter what she says to me I just ignore it. When she contacts me I won't lie it makes me feel good, like she cares or something. But in the end these people are like children and they only want you to stay around so they can use you when they need you.

So my advice is just to ignore everything, delete everything, and know that if it isn't you it is going to be someone else. It is very hard. Whenever you feel like contacting them just think that if you do it will make you being able to heal take a lot longer, and will set you back.

One thing that is helping me out tremendously is using anger to my advantage. I guess I am in the anger stage of a break up. And the way our relationship ended she did me wrong. So I use the anger to my advantage. And know that her not being able to contact me or get her claws in me makes her powerless. Completely powerless! it is a good feeling. She hates it when I ignore her. This probably isn't the healthiest thing to do but hey it is helping me out

Please go to main board where you display your topic please read the third line , you will find out how BPD love .

[Butterfly44]

I'm on day five of NC today. She was one of the pwBPDs who left and then completely ignored me. I tried for about three weeks to get an answer and she just ignored every attempt I made. All it did was make me feel dreadful every time I sent a text and got nothing back or I called and she would cut her line dead. I don't want to feed her my pain anymore because I think she enjoys it. Weirdly, she seems to think the more someone chases after her and begs her to stay around, the more it means they love her... .but she has no respect for them because of it. All it does is feed her needs and make her feel powerful. It's taken me a while to realise that I'm only hurting myself and giving any control I have left in my life over to her. She thrives on reading people's regrets and pleading when it comes to her broken relationships.

I've gone five days for my own sake and I'm counting the next five and so on... .I hope one day I'll naturally stop counting... .stay strong and good luck; it WILL make you feel better.

[guy4caligirl]

I'm on day five of NC today. She was one of the pwBPDs who left and then completely ignored me. I tried for about three weeks to get an answer and she just ignored every attempt I made. All it did was make me feel dreadful every time I sent a text and got nothing back or I called and she would cut her line dead. I don't want to feed her my pain anymore because I think she enjoys it. Weirdly, she seems to think the more someone chases after her and begs her to stay around, the more it means they love her... .but she has no respect for them because of it. All it does is feed her needs and make her feel powerful. It's taken me a while to realise that I'm only hurting myself and giving any control I have left in my life over to her. She thrives on reading people's regrets and pleading when it comes to her broken relationships.

I've gone five days for my own sake and I'm counting the next five and so on... .I hope one day I'll naturally stop counting... .stay strong and good luck; it WILL make you feel better.

Thank you butterfly

Lesson learned I am glad I am in this stage right now , I went through some horrible pain in the last two months I see and I know exactly what you mean by they feed from our suffering to satisfy their emotional needs !

Good luck to you this NC is very powerful it might get you where you want to be IN or Out .

[peiper]

The only closure you'll get is from yourself.  So hang tough.

[Raybo48]

Day 6 for me.  Don't give up 'your power' and ever respond to them.  Mine completely ignores too when I'm painted black. Never responds to voicemail, picks up and hangs up so it doesn't go into voicemail, never responds to texts.  I keep telling myself I wouldn't even want a friend that did this to me let alone a partner! 

Stay strong Guy4caligirl!

[freedom33]

Right on bro! This is the best thing you have done in your life. Trust me! You will agree 100% with me in 2 months from now. Hang in there and keep ignoring/blocking. The more you do it the easier it gets!