Why won't my ex partner even acknowledge me after having me falsely arrested?

[Butterfly44]

First of all, I'd like to say hello to everyone and this is a really big step for me to even ask for help. I hope you'll be gentle with me.

I'm not sure what's happening to me. I think I've been in a relationship for the last two years with a partner who has BPD. She has all the traits but it's not something I've realised until recently after reading so much about why she behaved the way she did with me but it's the only conclusion I can come to? I feel like I'm losing my mind and myself.  

I'm not sure where to begin but may I just start by asking, is it usual for partners with BPD to go so far as to get their own partner arrested for seemingly nothing? Is it a response to something else they were feeling? She had me arrested for a false charge of assault and then whilst I was in custody, she left. It has devastated me and I've no idea why she would go to such lengths to do such a thing? We weren't allowed contact for a month as I was on bail but as soon as bail was over I tried to make contact but she's completely ignored every attempt I've made to be adult. I've asked to talk so many times. I've left messages, sent texts and emails but I've had absolutely nothing in return. The strange thing is she hasn't blocked me or changed her phone number so I'm getting really confused. Is this a control game? I'm not even sure if she's getting my texts or messages and it's driving me mad.

What worries me even more is why I'm the one trying so hard to make contact after she had me arrested and thrown in a cell. She hasn't said one word to me about it; not one and I cannot understand how anyone who supposedly loves someone can do something like that and then just walk away seemingly feeling nothing?

We've been apart now for seven weeks and I'm in a complete mess. I'm finding it hard to simply function and can't focus on anything other than why?

If there's anyone who can shed some light on why I feel so out of control with this? I'm usually quite strong and level headed but I'm really struggling.

Any advice would be welcomed; I just don't understand what's gone on.

Thanks  

[Raybo48]

Welcome, I'm new on here as well.  I was with a BPD female for nearly three years and just yesterday she threatened to file a restraining order from AZ (I live in Chicago) because I was "bothering her"...  I hadn't talked to her in two weeks when she contacted me literally begging me to come and get her from AZ.  When I told her no she took it as rejection.    Read up on 'splitting'... .It's a reflex where they paint you from white to black in an instant and it's real common for them to cause you a lot of legal problems.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around the lack of empathy, no remorse, and general crazy-ness of it all.  You are NOT alone.

Ray.

[Butterfly44]

Hi Ray,

thank you. I think my post may have gone in the wrong section? Newbie mistake I guess.

I've read about "splitting" but is it a permanent thing do you know? I didn't assault her and we've had much worse arguments than that before and she's come back. This time it was almost as if the whole thing was engineered. I just cannot believe she can walk away so easily. I'm also guessing that there may be someone else she's gone to because she could never be on her own. This is the first time she's ever completely blanked me like this.

I'm sorry to hear that you too have been having a similar experience. I guess you're not alone either.

Thanks so much for the response.

[Raybo48]

Don't worry I posted in the wrong spot yesterday too... ha.

Splitting goes in cycles.  They do come back once they paint you white again.  Could take days, weeks, months, years, but it's not etched in stone.  It's a really hard concept to grasp that's for sure and I still am struggling with it.   I've had horrible issues with my ex too and yesterday was the first time she threatened legal action.  People on here will tell you to take it seriously when you see that behavioral change and you absolutely should.  BPD females (only 10% are men) are very hard to predict on what their next move is and since it doesn't involve remorse or empathy they will go really far to hurt you and go about their merry way.  

You are likely correct about her finding someone else. If your gut tells you that then listen. It's extremely common for them to cultivate relationships behind your back without you knowing and then rebound with them the next day... It happened to me with her on several occasions on both the emotional and physical level of 'cheating'.  They will never ever admit it even if caught in the act, so don't waste your time trying to get it out of her/him.   You are right again, no way they can be alone as they are never comfortable in their own skin for long and constantly need to be given attention from someone.  

[CareTaker]

Hey Mate,

I am no way a specialist in this field, but I did a lot of reading. Yep, my ex also threatened to have me arrested.

They have this thing of "getting you back". I tell you what happened to me, and then you make up your own mind.

We where together for 3 years. The fights and constant make up and break up became unbearable. This woman grew under my skin, I was addicted to her like a drug. I couldn't let go. She is beautiful and has a body to die for. Here seduction methods are perfect.

One evening after a fight, I shouted at her. I think you know the situation. You fighting over, let just say for example, she spent too much of your money buying clothes. She would change the situation around, and start accusing you of all the bad deeds you have done since day one of the relationship. Now you heard that a 1000 times already.

So I snapped and screamed at her. SHUT THE F****K UP. She jumped up and grabbed the kitchen knife and nearly stabbed me with it. I left, only to be back 3 days later. When discussing what happened, she said she felt her life was in danger, because I shouted at her. And she had to defend herself.

Nothing defensive about attacking someone with a knife!

I eventually got the courage to leave. Although I knew it was going to rip my heart out.

After 2 weeks she send a message and asked me to go for drinks, and I refused. Now, I think they don't like this. They cannot handle being rejected, by the person they control.

Two weeks later I texted her and asked if I could get some of my personal belongings back. I was told she threw it away, and will call the police if I dare come near her flat.

This is pay back time for her. She told me I am a lousy looser, and it didn't take her too long to replace an ___hole like me. Yip, the next victim is already sleeping in her bed.

I suggest you read up as much as possible on BPD's. They are dangerous. I deleted all our pics, threw all the aftershaves and presents she gave me away. Deleted all cell numbers, email addressed and basically erased her from my life.

Yes, I am hurting, but it is healing. I saw my psychologist for the first time last night and it was great speaking to someone who understands. In my case, and most cases, people who get attracted to these woman have childhood issues that need to be resolved. If you where "emotionally grown up", like a normal adult, you would have seen the red flags from the beginning and left after a month or two.

This is what I did, as I knew this relationship was a fantasy, not a reality. I hope this helps to make you decide what your next step is.

Best of luck, mate.