Starting a relationship with someone who you mat think is BPD

[SlyQQ]

Just to clarify this an maybe this is the wrong place to post but if you are just starting a relationship an only just discovered your partner may be BPD an have come looking here DONT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BEGIN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE YOU SUSPECT IS BPD this is my heartfelt advice bail out if you are even if you are in doubt and if you intend to continue seek psychological help as soon as you can

[maxen]

hi SlyQQ. the posters who come here are here because we've had unhappy (or worse) experiences with BPD partners. my marriage exploded. i wonder, if i had had the communication skills this site provides would we have stayed together. i'm pretty sure the answer is "no", but others have reported here that they have improved their relationships using these skills to the point where they can stay with their partners. and, those who are with partners who have BPD but have mild cases of it or are aware of it and in therapy, won't be coming to bpdfamily.

i didn't know that my wife had BPD during the marriage. i thought she was Slothful, and she was. but even before we were married i saw behaviors that should have given me pause, and i bulled ahead anyway. so one has to have a proper awareness of oneself, and of course take into account the emotional health of the other party. my wife was on occasion reckless and impulsive and queenish, and i liked it. i'm kind of a buttoned-down fellow, and i found it liberating. i should have found it disturbing.

so knowing of the other party's BPD is important. equally important is knowing how strong you are yourself.

[SlyQQ]

Having a BPD partner is certainly a way to find out how strong you are, of the four long term partners of my ex BPD i am only surviving one ( one suicide one drug overdose one collapse drug related problems all in there thirties or early forties once you are there it is hard to get out if you find out in time please consider leaving

[Perdita]

once you are there it is hard to get out if you find out in time please consider leaving

Agree 100%.  If you know from the start it is best to just get out and save yourself a whole lot of pain.

[AlmostBroken]

Run. Run far far away before she sets her hooks into you. I wish I could've have foreseen the anguish I'm in. I totally understand what you're experiencing and please let me apologize for jumping on your post. My undiagnosed BPD fiancé is triggered be every single thing that I do and don't do, yet she is still here. She has such a distorted view of actual reality and I have been painted black every since she love-bombed me for the first 3 months of our relationship. Once I fell fully in love and committed to her 100%, she snapped and transformed into a monster.

As mentioned in my previous posts (which are full of info about my story), I pay ALL of our bills alone (and pay for our groceries) and used my savings to buy us our home. She believes that I don't do anything to support her and that I am selfish. She works full-time but refuses to help with any bills and is always broke. I have no clue where her money goes. She has very little expenses because I pay for everything.

I am to blame for all of her life problems and failures even though she was 29 when we met. She's 31 now. Because of me, she was unable to finish college and never established a career. She hasn't attended college in years and had no goals when we met.

She resents me for not converting to her Mormon religion. She was inactive for years but all of a sudden became interested in church several months ago. I wasn't drinking the Joseph Smith kook-aid. Sorry.

She resents me for being successful in my career (a career that I established 10 years before we met). She complained and complained and complained about my custom motorcycle that I built 3 years before we met. My bike was bought and paid for back in 2005 (7 years before we met). She hated that I am a motorcycle rider and love custom cars because they were a place of happiness for me. She wore me out and broke me down and I sold my beloved bike in September just to shut her up. I sold it for less than it's custom value.

She get's upset over the littlest things and breaks up with me and threatens to leave me at least twice per week. We have awkward sex once every couple of months and she tells me that she hates me and calls me a disgusting pig all the time. I am muscular and ripped and could compete in professional men's physique competitions. I am a fitness fanatic who gets non-stop attention from women. She hates that I go to the gym and I am not a disgusting pig.

I work graveyard as a cop in a large metropolitan city from 10pm - 8am Tuesday's through Friday and go to the gym after work. I chase people, get into fights, and deal with steady chaos all night long then come home to chaos in my own home. I struggle to sleep during the day because human beings aren't meant to work all night and sleep when the sun is out. She works during the day at her office job and returns home complaining about how hard her day was and how I'm lazy and lay in bed all day while she works. I pay ALL the bills and buy ALL the food. She's insane! She doesn't pay for anything. Me, lazy?

I trigger so many negative emotions in my fiancé. I am the worst person in her life, but I sacrifice and give her so much. She hates everything about me. She hates how I look (I've looked the same since I was 19), she hates my career (I was a cop for 10 years before we met). She hates my hobbies (hobbies I've had since high school). No matter what I do for this woman, it'll never be good enough. She believes that I'm selfish and lazy and that I don't support her, yet she is still with me.

[SlyQQ]

they can chip away at your soul taking piecec by piece making you do things you never dreamed off dont cross the line its what they want and when you do they will leave be very very careful

[slimmiller]

I am to blame for all of her life problems and failures even though she was 29 when we met. She's 31 now. Because of me, she was unable to finish college and never established a career. She hasn't attended college in years and had no goals when we met.

She resents me for not converting to her Mormon religion. She was inactive for years but all of a sudden became interested in church several months ago. I wasn't drinking the Joseph Smith kook-aid. Sorry.

She resents me for being successful in my career (a career that I established 10 years before we met). She complained and complained and complained about my custom motorcycle that I built 3 years before we met. My bike was bought and paid for back in 2005 (7 years before we met). She hated that I am a motorcycle rider and love custom cars because they were a place of happiness for me. She wore me out and broke me down and I sold my beloved bike in September just to shut her up. I sold it for less than it's custom value.

Dude, thats my story to a t with the exception of I am in the engineering field and am getting ready to built by cutsom bike now that she is gone

All the way down to the Joseph Smith fantasy of Mormonism. Lord could you and I share some stories I m sure. Do NOT, repeat, do NOT buy into it. Mine coerced me into it. She told me if I didnt she would find someone that would. She was 'kidding' of course but she wasnt. I really thought it would make her happy but like everything else, its just a crutch. And a fraudelant racket like Mormonism is an ideal crutch for an empty hollow soul like a BPD. Its perfect. Old Joey Smith was a hardcore NPD (and meglomaniac) IMHO and just reading some of that stuff makes me wanna puke now. Its so  BPD. What didnt fit his needs he created. He authored the Book of Mormon to create a foundation for himself because the Bible didnt fit his worldview

I feel your pain. Hang in there. Things will get better but at some point we have to 'make' it better . They (pds) wont. Sorry :'(

I was fortunate enough with mine in that she ended up leaving the church and going inactive again (it was no longer a useful tool with which to blackmail me with) and then she told me we needed space and she relegated me to the couch and well you can guess the rest of the story. The replacement was lined up and already filling her need for new supply. But I was home with the kids and working while all this was going on and she did NOTHING to support the family.

Mine is now back in her mothers basement, back in school at 34, has a foreign (desperatley lonely) bf 23 and in the process of trying to establish a career. 'Again'