A couple questions...

[hattrick]

I was pondering a couple questions while at work today.

Do BPD's have moments of clarity? Like, times when they actually think normally and realize they screwed up ditching the non.

Also was wondering... .Through my own research I know that hypothyroidism can cause or at least make worse BPD. My exgf (who I'm 100% sure has hypothyroidism) told me a week before she wanted to breakup, that she had been very depressed and extremely stressed out lately. She said she had let herself and her house go and hadn't felt like herself lately. My question is, if her thyroid had gotten worse lately could that have made her BPD worse and triggered her to paint me black and so on?

[BobHarley1968]

Hello,

I use to hope my wife's thyroid problem (was diagnosed with a thyroid nodule, and levels waxed and waned) in addition to vitamin D deficiency were the cause of her "mood swings." I had always hoped she would take the prescribed medication and then I and my kids would get relief from the "mood swings." She never acknowledged that the medical problems were problems even after being told by the doctor and prescribed medication. I so wanted to believe that it was a medical issue (other than borderline which is in fact an illness in my opinion). And no offense to women's health, but when it is period time, WOW. She's a tiger. It's now clear to me that even though she has her thyroid, vitamin D, hormone medical problems, the prevailing issue with her "mood swings," is the borderline issue. Unstable medical stuff does make it worse in my experience, and I'm sure there is science to back that notion up, but since coming out of denial, I've stopped making myself crazy trying to get her to the doctor. She's sick. I didn't cause it. I can't fix it. I can only (painfully) take care of my self (hoping the pain doesn't last that long). It's got to get better though she will not. Thanks for letting me share.  Bob

[maxen]

hi hattrick.

Do BPD's have moments of clarity? Like, times when they actually think normally and realize they screwed up ditching the non.

some pwBPD are well aware of themselves and the consequences of their actions, and some are oblivious. my w on exactly one occasion said "i don't forget, i don't forgive, and maybe that's just the way i am." that's the extent of her clarity. that this pattern of reactions might have victimized another person (me) was nowhere in her thinking. i am 100% convinced that her therapist hasn't told her about BPD and may not even know she has it, a thing both my therapists spotted without any trouble at all. as for "i made a mistake by leaving my perfectly stable relationship with my perfectly decent SO," my w did reveal some of her thinking (beyond what i just mentioned), and no, she hasn't that kind of clarity.

as a pwBPD married to an only child of emotionally incompetent parents who learned to fend for himself in every way and assumed that others could too, my w was never going to get from me the level of support and release from responsibility that she needed. so from her point of view she may not have screwed up. when i served her, she accepted and responded. not a peep of hesitation, in fact she's wanted to push the divorce faster. is she guiltily running away from the wreckage she caused? that could be, it's the kind of thing she does, but i'm just going to believe that she got sick of being with me and wants out for good.

[vortex of confusion]

Mine seems to have moments of clarity and that always confuses me. He will say that he knows he hurt me but will do nothing to really make amends and will continue to do the same things. I am sitting her thinking, "How could someone do the things that you have done and NOT realize that there might be consequences, such as hurting others?" It baffles me.

My husband is on thyroid medicine, an antidepressant, medicine for diabetes and some other stuff. His mother (and mine too) is convinced that it has to be something medical. He needs to have his heart checked and this checked and that checked. It is like they make excuses for him because they want me to stay with him. The bottom line is that if it is a medical condition, then he should have it treated. There is no excuse for being a jerk in my opinion. Sure, everyone has bad moments but mine seems to take bad moments to a new level.

I want out the worst way in the world because I am exhausted after dealing with this for 16.5 years of marriage. Like Maxen said, as long as I do what I am supposed to and take care of everything, there are no problems. Problems only seem to arise when I express dissatisfaction and discontent.