Just need to vent

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I have just walked home after my BPDgf stormed off. This has been the culmination of a long list of unfortunate events that have been occurring recently.

She has been quite miserable recently including some long stays in bed. Not budging to eat or participate in any social interactions. Just work and sleep. That is all. She barely acknowledges my existence during this stints.

The first 3 day stint I tried to comfort her most days only to be met with resistance. By the third day I had had enough and was firm with her ordering her to get out of bed and get ready. It was an ordeal to say the least. She cried and was very dramatic but I managed to get her clothed and out of the house. I was going to take her for dinner and some shopping but when we got the the restaurant she burst into tears and made a scene. So we left. Had an argument in the street in which she accused me of not understanding her wants or needs and she stormed off so I wandered home because what else was I supposed to do. She later apologised and we had a few good days together. Got some things done. She was out of bed and engaged. She was keen to spend time with me again.

But that soon past and was replaced by sleeping and working again. I again tried to comfort her but this time felt I had learned my lesson and would give her space to get over it. By the third night (mind you we had been messaging all day and she had indicated she wanted to sleep again that evening) I came home and she was in bed again. I watched TV with her. Tried to cheer her up. She seemed uninterested. It was hard to take. She was fading in and out of sleep so I asked her if she minded me going downstairs and watching the football with my brother to which she responded how she didn't care and to do what I wanted. The last time I pushed interaction it resulted in conflict so I thought maybe leaving her be would be okay but boy was I wrong (def triggered abandonment issues I guess).

So within minutes I hear her stomping around upstairs. Storming about all hurried. I go up to see what is going on and she spits out "I am going to have a drink with Jake" - who is a bloke that I am not too fond of that she has previously slept with and who will not quit with the attention (they prob message almost every day). I am like "I will go to have a drink with you" but it is too late and she is out of control and telling me to "have a fun night without her" and so on. She returns home later and I come up to see what is happening and she starts spouting absolutely horrible things. Telling me how awful I am, what a failure I am as a boyfriend and she starts physically punching me in the chest. I try to calm her and tell her to get some sleep and to be quite and she keeps telling me how horrible I am a reiterating that I am a piece of ___. This goes on for sometime whilst I attempt to get some sleep.

The next day she apologises and I am supposed to be okay with it. Like automatically switch off the fact that my self esteem and self worth are absolutely shot from a year of torment. Suddenly I am the bad person for continuing to be hurt. She reiterates "if you want a fight well you got one" and proceeds to be even more horrible. She can fight better than me and just beats me down until I feel worthless.

I am at a loss. I feel like a loser. What kind of person am I to take that from someone and then be told that it is my fault and still feel like I need to apologise and make it better. What kind of man am I to simply let someone treat me this way. This is just one of many events that have been occurring but I can't write about them all. It is getting to a point where we fight almost every other day. Most weeks we have a big blow up and I am left emotionally scarred whilst she returns to normal so rapidly and with ease. I feel like nothing to her. Like a punching bag for all her negativity and depression. I feel so low. But I feel so stuck. I don't know what to do or how to act anymore. Every decision is fraught with danger. I am constantly on edge. I can't do anything right for fear of reprisal. If I coast along and make no decisions she scolds me for this to. If I stand up to her she will make my life hell but if I am a push over she tells me how much of a pussy I am and that I need to grow some balls. I am at a loss. What can I do?

[matilda19]

So I have just walked home after my BPDgf stormed off. This has been the culmination of a long list of unfortunate events that have been occurring recently.

She has been quite miserable recently including some long stays in bed. Not budging to eat or participate in any social interactions. Just work and sleep. That is all. She barely acknowledges my existence during this stints.

The first 3 day stint I tried to comfort her most days only to be met with resistance. By the third day I had had enough and was firm with her ordering her to get out of bed and get ready. It was an ordeal to say the least. She cried and was very dramatic but I managed to get her clothed and out of the house. I was going to take her for dinner and some shopping but when we got the the restaurant she burst into tears and made a scene. So we left. Had an argument in the street in which she accused me of not understanding her wants or needs and she stormed off so I wandered home because what else was I supposed to do. She later apologised and we had a few good days together. Got some things done. She was out of bed and engaged. She was keen to spend time with me again.

But that soon past and was replaced by sleeping and working again. I again tried to comfort her but this time felt I had learned my lesson and would give her space to get over it. By the third night (mind you we had been messaging all day and she had indicated she wanted to sleep again that evening) I came home and she was in bed again. I watched TV with her. Tried to cheer her up. She seemed uninterested. It was hard to take. She was fading in and out of sleep so I asked her if she minded me going downstairs and watching the football with my brother to which she responded how she didn't care and to do what I wanted. The last time I pushed interaction it resulted in conflict so I thought maybe leaving her be would be okay but boy was I wrong (def triggered abandonment issues I guess).

So within minutes I hear her stomping around upstairs. Storming about all hurried. I go up to see what is going on and she spits out "I am going to have a drink with Jake" - who is a bloke that I am not too fond of that she has previously slept with and who will not quit with the attention (they prob message almost every day). I am like "I will go to have a drink with you" but it is too late and she is out of control and telling me to "have a fun night without her" and so on. She returns home later and I come up to see what is happening and she starts spouting absolutely horrible things. Telling me how awful I am, what a failure I am as a boyfriend and she starts physically punching me in the chest. I try to calm her and tell her to get some sleep and to be quite and she keeps telling me how horrible I am a reiterating that I am a piece of ___. This goes on for sometime whilst I attempt to get some sleep.

The next day she apologises and I am supposed to be okay with it. Like automatically switch off the fact that my self esteem and self worth are absolutely shot from a year of torment. Suddenly I am the bad person for continuing to be hurt. She reiterates "if you want a fight well you got one" and proceeds to be even more horrible. She can fight better than me and just beats me down until I feel worthless.

I am at a loss. I feel like a loser. What kind of person am I to take that from someone and then be told that it is my fault and still feel like I need to apologise and make it better. What kind of man am I to simply let someone treat me this way. This is just one of many events that have been occurring but I can't write about them all. It is getting to a point where we fight almost every other day. Most weeks we have a big blow up and I am left emotionally scarred whilst she returns to normal so rapidly and with ease. I feel like nothing to her. Like a punching bag for all her negativity and depression. I feel so low. But I feel so stuck. I don't know what to do or how to act anymore. Every decision is fraught with danger. I am constantly on edge. I can't do anything right for fear of reprisal. If I coast along and make no decisions she scolds me for this to. If I stand up to her she will make my life hell but if I am a push over she tells me how much of a pussy I am and that I need to grow some balls. I am at a loss. What can I do?

[maxen]

hi matilda19. i'm sorry for your very difficult situation. it does sound quite unpleasant. having read your post, i have two immediate reactions. first, if she's willing to punch you in the chest, she may think she's entitled to do other physically abusive things too, on top of the verbally abusive things. please don't discount that. second, have you read through the Choosing a Path lessons on the right hand side of this page? they are designed to help clarify your thinking about what you want out of your relationship. you may also want to have a read of this page, The Characteristics of Healthy Relationships.

how long have you been together?