painted black, divorce card played again

[Henry II]

  Yesterday she had a good day dispite a minor houshold appliance failure with wet carpet. Cleanup on going.

She did not rage , was BS about it but not anymore then an non.

We stayed in all day due to weather.

Today is different. Started out with almost cancelling an accupuncture appointment and I encouraged her to go just slightly. I wanted her to get dressed and out. She loves her accupuncturest. Very attentive and compassionate.

  When we got back home she started having sugar(in the closet, figuritively speaking) and chocolate and said so. The reality of her many health issues is overwhelming for her. Stated getting upset about the problems that seem to keep on coming up with our RV.(we are full timers) This afternoon a sewerage odor !

  Anyway , makes brownies and eats a lot of the batter and gets DRUNK on it. Barely keeps from raging and everything comes up again. The finger of BLAME is pointed preety much at me.  I don't get angry any more but is hard to be compassionate.

  She throughs out the divorce card again.  Got denied a credit card because of not much credit history. And that is to her like getting SCREWED again.So she rants. The evening is supposed to be a time to relax .

  Wants to take half the money out of the bank and put into her account and go her own way. She can't even drive around the corner without a panic attack.

Wants to get to FL and get aplace in one of those villages . YUK.

  Also wants to get out there and strut her STUFF.

  I know she is drunk on chocolate and sugar and can't wait for bedtime. We sleep separate and have not had relations for years.

   I know I enabled this but way back in the beginning the sex was soo good.

She is classic BP

I feel I am doing everything I can to help keep it together. But at great expense , both financially and personnally.

An agorofobic, fear of abandonment and won't stay alone and won't allow me to visit my family or friends of have them over.

Have been saying to myself for years that I can't do this anymore.  Yet, here I am another year.

Sorry for ranting.

[rockgirl]

It's so hard to be the object of their blame despite our efforts to help them. The divorce card is horrible abuse, I'd love to have the courage to pull that one by calling the bluff! My fears tell me not to,  because what if he really does it? Then I  beat myself up for living in that fear and allowing myself to be manipulated that way. This is supposed to be a marriage, not a game of tactics.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's most likely an empty threat but hurts just the same. I know in my mind I fantasize about the day I'm strong enough to challenge that threat and day "ok, if that's what you want" and watch him unravel as his go-to  move fails!

Sad, the whole thing is just so sad.

[vortex of confusion]

The last time my husband threw the divorce card out, I said, "Okay, let's start talking about what we will need to do to make it happen." And then I proceeded to talk about bills and bank accounts and stuff like that. He got huffy and said, "It's obvious that you have been thinking about this a lot." To which I replied, "No, not really. I am just trying to think practically and figure out what all will need to be done to make it happen."

He backed down and said we didn't need to worry about it right now. I don't think he has pulled that card for a while. I feel like a real jerk because I am thinking about an exit plan and trying to think about the logistics of what it would take to actually get a divorce. I have my own bank account now and I am trying to work on myself professionally so that I will have the ability to walk away if it gets to a point where I can't take any more.

Sending you a great big hug.