Ready to Change

[mtbooke]

I am ready to begin on the next part of my journey to self actualization.

I shift my focus away from the BPD women and place my attention on changing myself.

I am teachable.

Of course I have mixed emotions and lingering obsessions.

I feel a ray of hope breaking across the dark cold horizon.

I am very afraid that I will never have stable healthy love.

I realize I have sought to get my self esteem from a partner, from a relationship, from being a rescuer, from sex. and so on.

I am afraid I will not be valued by others for who I really am.

I have no expectation that anyone other than me can save me.

I do know that I need the support of others who are recovering from these complicated issues.

I seek to learn from others' experiences, strengths and hope.

mtbooke

[Xidion]

I'm right there with you, my friend. My relationship with a BPD has opened my eyes to so many things. My co dependency,  my neediness, my inability to make myself happy and give myself confidence. I'm still working on detaching from her, but now I know what I must do to better myself.  I'm starting to think that this relationship happened for a reason. Now I'm awake and aware of all of MY faults and my problems within. How could I have let someone treat me that way and beg her to take me back? I believed her infidelity was my fault.  That I wasn't giving her what she needed. That's completely false. I should have set boundaries and stuck to them. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. It's called self awareness.