looking for opinions

[hattrick]

I've been reading about re-engagement attempts on this board and elsewhere and was wondering if some pwBPD postpone re-engagement because of fear.

For anyone who knows my story, I work with my ex. Not around her constantly but occasionally I have to at least walk by her or she has to walk by me.

A quick recap. Me and my ex were in a happy loving relationship for almost 6 years. None of the normal push-pull stuff associated with BPD. Sure some minor signs of it were there but I didn't realize at the time. Then this summer (during an intense amount of stress for her) she breaks up with me out of the blue. Of course she had a replacement all ready and waiting. It was then that all the quirks and signs made sense. She is BPD.

Anyways, after the breakup she seemed to avoid me as much as possible at work. For about a month and a half she avoided me like the plague. Then for the next month or so it seemed as though she was trying to walk by me as much as possible (without acknowledging me). Now she has exhibited a bizarre behavior. First, Monday I come into work and she is in my department. Apparently she volunteered to come in early for inventory. And IN MY DEPARTMENT! So I had to be within 20-30 feet of her for about an hour and a half till she was done and left back to her own department. We still didn't acknowledge each other. Then yesterday as I was leaving I notice as Im walking towards the door that she has come out of the ladies room and is walking straight towards me. When she saw me she quickly ducked into an aisle where things are stored and pretended to look at her phone like she was actively trying to avoid me and hoped I hadn't seen her. Well I noticed her but did not acknowledge it.

It has been about 4 months since our breakup. It seems like most re-engagement attempts happen within 3 months or so.

What I'm wondering is, is it common for the BPD ex to want to make a re-engagement attempt but be to scared or ashamed to actually try it? My ex was always very non-confrontational. I believe she may not try any kind of recycle because she would not only have to deal with me but also my family. I'm wondering if she wants to talk to me but is to scared to do so?

Also I do believe she is still wearing my replacements ring. Although I think we all know that pwBPD don't take such commitments seriously.

[hattrick]

Really? Nobody?

[oletimefeelin]

Sensitivity to rejection is in description after all.

My experience is if she is indeed trying to get your attention, that you're better off acting like you don't give a crap than falling all over her.

[hattrick]

So it gets more interesting or bizarre depending on your view.

So it appears now that she is trying to avoid even seeing me. Even from a distance like if she sees me she will spontaneously combust or something. So a co-worker who knows whats been going on comes up to me today and tells me my ex is no longer acting all happy and is depressed and not feeling good. The co-worker tells me that shes not happy and seems to be trying to mask her unhappiness to other co-workers. Of course this makes me wonder if this has anything to do with my replacement.

I kinda have a gut feeling that she is twisted up inside trying to figure out if she made a wise decision leaving me for him. At the same time I feel like she is so ashamed of what she did and her core shame that she cant allow herself to admit it to herself. Don't know if that makes sense.

Maybe that's just my wishful thinking.