What happens when c/s isn't paid

[whirlpoollife]

My L said that h's L called him because the the support dept notified h that his license is going to be taken away due to none payment . His L wants it dismissed. My L said no to him but wants my thoughts. He doesn't want him to loose his license but at same time  he is asking me if h able to pay the support due.

H could never handle money, he got us in to debt numerous times over the long marriage. Then he expected me to pay it off which I did.  There are L's fees but I have been on the defense for two and a half years , because of h I have very high L fees myself, so I don't really care. This divorce could have been completed a long time ago.   

my L wants me to call him asap concerning this .

[ForeverDad]

Is H an adult?  If so, then he can face his consequences.  Sorry (well, not really) but why protect him from himself?  If you think then that would be basis for him to seek to have his CS reduced, then you could argue in court that he might have done this purposely - failed to pay CS in the short term - so that his long term support would be reduced.  Hmm?

However, if losing his license would mean he couldn't pay child support, would it make a difference?  After all, he's not paying it now is he?

One would think that facing a hurdle like this that H would finally realize that some things come first.  But acting-out xPDs do have a pattern of damaging their own cases, self-sabotaging eventually. Why isn't the CS being deducted from his paycheck?  Is he self-employed?

[whirlpoollife]

Is h an adult, only by age.  Sociopathic spoiled brat is more like it.  My thoughts today was that I am not responsible for his behavior. 

After talking to my L I learned that he will still have to pay the support , but I have to agree to an amount to have him pay me now in order to get his license back. His L sent a letter to. Y L saying that it will hurt the kids and me if h can not go to work and he cannot without his license and therefore not pay CS.

However, if losing his license would mean he couldn't pay child support, would it make a difference?  After all, he's not paying it now is he?

After reading that I used that line to my L . How could it possibly hurt us when he's not paying now.

He is self employed so CS canmot be deducted.

More money to fight all of this.


We also got the counter offer we were waiting for for two months that h wanted me to hurry up with.

The offer is crazier than the first one .  H is going after my inheritance  referring it to marital assets, plus my family's business, plus all future c/s payments taken off the total ( which is very high and I told my L he would do this) plus wants kids as tax exemptions, plus the house free and clear.

I told my L it sounded retaliative for himself getting his license suspended.

One item that was in the last offer is that neither would be responsible for the others debt.  I am sure he has debt yet I plan to ask it to be detailed in  case h borrowed money in my name somewhere.

This offer will be rejected so it looks like a hearing /conferance with the divorce master will be next.

[ImaFita]

Without a license he just won't work.

A lot of guys scrap working over C/S, it doesn't benefit anyone.

Quit their job, get depressed, take their life. Not sure how that benefits the kid, but there is always someone out there that can justify it.

[livednlearned]

Sometimes, the PD is bad enough and the patterns have gone on for so long that the best decision is always to enforce the boundary, even if it may have negative consequences for you.

The tricky part is that your kids are enmeshed with their dad, so you want to be proactive and get ahead of the message. "The state makes laws about paying child support when there is a divorce, and I learned today that your dad does not want to pay. Perhaps you could ask him if he would be willing to set up a college account for you and put the CS money in it if he does not want me to use it to support you."

You don't need to get into the stuff about his license.

It's also reasonable to not discuss it with the kids, but if you set a firm boundary with him, there will likely be an extinction burst and no doubt he will ramp up the alienation tactics.

[whirlpoollife]

Concerning c/s, negotiations  were tried from h and his L .  H offered 5% of what he owes. I was telling my L , half , L said 60% (yeah)    H said no.

I was not present for this as my L said it was not necessary, as I would not be able to speak anyhow.  H  went before a judge to get his license unsuspended. The judge was going to grant it on account h needs it for work. My L argued that what is the point of this law then?  Everyone needs their license to go to work. That he can tell his clients that they do not need to pay support as there are no merit to the laws?  H did not bring any proof to reason why he cannot pay support.     So the judge did not grant h's license back , needs time to think about this.    

In meantime h is driving.

In meantime, letters of settlement came back and forth between L's . From h's L , he could not get any of the financial information correct. It was like he rolled the dice and used whatever what was in front of him.

H still wants the house and it free and clear of all liens. ( I requested a search for liens )

I told my L that I will be glad to show the divorce master who paid the down payment , who paid for the improvements, who paid /pays the mortgage, who has been maintaining it .  

A reply back from h's L  was if h cannot have the house , they want then in place of that... .sufficient funding so h can buy a house.  (Besides everything else)

My L had to add that h told the judge and him that he still loves me .  that scares me because when we were first married h would boast about how he loved to do what he called , reverse phycology , on people.

That's what he doing.

[livednlearned]

What a mess 

Your H really likes negative engagement.

I don't understand offering H the ability to pay only 60% of CS. Is that typical to negotiate it down so low? Anything he owes would be subtracted from anything he gains in the settlement, no? So why not stick to 100% since he won't be cutting a check anyway (if I'm understanding correctly).

What reason did H give the judge for not paying CS?

It sounds like the big issue your H is basing his irrational demands on is your inheritance. He will try to find any way around the law to make sure he somehow comes out ahead since he perceives that you have come into money.

You may not get the best ruling possible if you went before a judge, but do you think it would stop the bleeding that these kinds of negotiations create? Ls going back and forth to court, emailing deals back and forth, it all adds up, and meanwhile you do everything the way you're supposed to, and your H does not (incorrect financial documents). I'm not familiar with a divorce master, so not sure how that works exactly. They aren't used in my state.

The reverse psychology is probably nowhere near as toxic as the stonewalling and obstructing, and not having correct financial documents. He also has a knack for looking like the victim.

[whirlpoollife]

lnl, my L explained why the 60% vs 100%, but I cant very well explain it back. h still had arrearages due but paid over time so he took that off,  no matter, h  said , no.   So my L said then it is up to the court to decide.  The judge now  ruled h can have  his license unsuspended if h pays 17% of the back support  in one lump sum.   h had no reason not to pay other than he has  no money.  ( yes he does )  This is separate from the hearing for modification for support / requesting support from  me .  That hearing will be at a later date and that  hearing is the one that has been continued (postponed) by h a few times. 

It's  amazing how fast h got in to a hearing for his license, a weeks time but stonewalled and obstructed the  settlement process  for two years.

In our settlement  offer to h,  one of the items was to deduct what h owed in support.   That whole  offer has been rejected by h.   But in the last few days h and  the other L has tried to use it and twist it to not only be forgiven all past support but not ever owe anything on support.   I think that is best left to state guidelines.   

The proceeding before a divorce master  is a hearing. He  is a L, not sure how he becomes a divorce master.   He  will listen to both sides , then make a recommendation to the judge,   then there are oppositions and opposing the oppositions , and more... .( I asked my L to email the steps of this so I can refer back to it.) This whole process can take 6 to 7  months and from I what read on another  topic.  $10k. 

The judge that this would go before is the same one who was just going to give h's license back without paying any back c/s.