Can we do anything to reduce triggering our BPDs during the holiday season?

[Dibdob59]

There is a lot of talk on the boards about how hard this time of year is for triggering those with BPD, so does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can work to minimise this please? Like many here, I am not looking forward to the next week or two.

Thanks and my thoughts are with all of us

Dibdob

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

Hi Dibdob

Christmas certainly is an emotionally charged time and I think that's why its so triggering for people with BPD-if a negative emotion is triggered they just find it so hard to regulate it.

I think it helps if you can keep things as cool and low key as possible.

Also make little bits of time for yourself if you can-its very easy to get frantic and wound up ourselves at this time of year-which not only isn't nice for us but doesn't help the BPD person.

I think its best to assume that something is likely to kick off and be prepared for it rather than hope to avoid all aggro.

Validate the valid if you can eg if the BPD person is distressed because they are missing someone.

Too much alcohol fuels the fire. (Having said that if it really gets too much slope off and knock back the wine in private  )

Good luck (we will all be needing it)-hope everyone has a relatively peaceful Christmas-mine can't be much worse than last year.

We have each other to turn to on here too.

[Dibdob59]

Hi Lever

Alcohol is the trigger that is worrying me.  My UBPDS are both male (husband and son) and they rub each other up the wrong way at the best of times.  I know there is little I can do about this so need to take deep breaths and wait for whatever unfolds to do so.

Thanks for taking the time to respond - I hope your Christmas is as peaceful as possible.

Am I correct in thinking you are in the UK also?

Dibdob

[lever.]

Yes, Dibdob-I'm in the UK also.

Alcohol IS a worry at Christmas-if my DD drinks too much she is a nightmare and my husband will drink more than usual at Christmas which doesn't help his reactions to her at all. He is perhaps even more to blame in this respect than she is as he doesn't have her mental health and emotional problems.

My own anxiety is triggered because of previous experiences.

The only thing I can do is remove myself and let things unfold as they will.

I'm expecting an easier time than usual this year because DD is at her in-laws.

Stupidly I am even worrying what is going on there! I need to practice my mindfulness skills.

Try to do some nice things for yourself if possible

Lever

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Dibdob59,

lever has a really good point about keeping things as low key as possible. I would also add to try to slow the pace down a bit and try to space hi-importance events with periods to unwind... .

At the end though, there is only so much you can do, so removing yourself when needed and let the chips fall where they may might be the best plan. 

Stupidly I am even worrying what is going on there! I need to practice my mindfulness skills.

Perhaps not so stupid - you know the potential for spillover  . On the other hand, why worry about things we cannot influence, correct? We can get ready and then try to relax on our terms... .

Wishing you and everyone else happy holidays (or rather as happy as they can be).