Did your pwBPD sometimes ranted like if you were someone else?

[PaintedBlack28]

Like if he/she were actually thinking of an event that she lived through but blaming YOU for it? Some kind of event or thing that you possibly could have never provoked? Mine would at times accuse me of trying to cheat on her with her friends... or that her friends would try to seduce me... .but the thing is I NEVER MET THOSE GIRLS and she knew it. Thus that would have been absolutely impossible... .Was that  some kind of psychotic state of mind? Lost  connection with reality?

 

[enlighten me]

My exgf would start an argument about somethung trivial and when she got herself worked up call me by her ex husbands name. I dont know if she thought she was arguing with him or that he was always on her mind or something I did triggered a memory of him. Whatever it was I will never truly know.

[myself]

There were times I could tell she was really acting out against her childhood abusers but taking it out on me. Like she was stuck in time. Lumping me in with people who had harmed her in the past when I defended myself against the accusations by saying, "See, you're just like them, they denied it too."

[misty_red]

There were times I could tell she was really acting out against her childhood abusers but taking it out on me. Like she was stuck in time. Lumping me in with people who had harmed her in the past when I defended myself against the accusations by saying, "See, you're just like them, they denied it too."

For me it felt like that, too. But the other way round. I always felt like she was treating me the same her parents treated her in her childhood. Like she put herself in the role of her parents and needed to punish me.

[myself]

For me it felt like that, too. But the other way round. I always felt like she was treating me the same her parents treated her in her childhood. Like she put herself in the role of her parents and needed to punish me.

I definitely went through that as well.

[HappyNihilist]

When a pwBPD is triggered, they relive past emotional pain as if it's happening at that moment. Years are obliterated; they are, for all intents and purposes, right back there.

That's why it can feel like they're reacting to something from their past, instead of what's happening in front of them. Because they are.

I'll never forget the first time I experienced this with my exBPDbf... .I swear I felt my mind "snap" from the surrealness and irrationality (to me).

I always felt like she was treating me the same her parents treated her in her childhood. Like she put herself in the role of her parents and needed to punish me.

I felt this with my exBPDbf, too. He was very punitive... .not surprising given his abusive father. (He punished himself, too... .more harshly than anyone else, in fact.)

[peiper]

There were times I could tell she was really acting out against her childhood abusers but taking it out on me. Like she was stuck in time. Lumping me in with people who had harmed her in the past when I defended myself against the accusations by saying, "See, you're just like them, they denied it too."

For me it felt like that, too. But the other way round. I always felt like she was treating me the same her parents treated her in her childhood. Like she put herself in the role of her parents and needed to punish me.

That was exactly the same way it felt to me. She was great at punishing, usually by being cruel. Making a big show of putting all of her things in storage or cooking dinner just for herself then eating in the bedroom by herself.

[Pingo]

When a pwBPD is triggered, they relive past emotional pain as if it's happening at that moment. Years are obliterated; they are, for all intents and purposes, right back there.

That's why it can feel like they're reacting to something from their past, instead of what's happening in front of them. Because they are.

I'll never forget the first time I experienced this with my exBPDbf... .I swear I felt my mind "snap" from the surrealness and irrationality (to me).

I always felt like she was treating me the same her parents treated her in her childhood. Like she put herself in the role of her parents and needed to punish me.

I felt this with my exBPDbf, too. He was very punitive... .not surprising given his abusive father. (He punished himself, too... .more harshly than anyone else, in fact.)

Ditto for me too, misty_red.  Mine was most certainly re-living something from his past bc he'd get so angry over things I just couldn't imagine why it would upset him.  It never made sense.  For example, I once mentioned that I had dated a man quite a few yrs older than me back when I was in my mid-twenties.  He got so upset, called him a dirty old man and said I had no morals!  I was truly shocked!  Then another time (actually the catalyst to the big 'rage' that ended our marriage) I mentioned something about a son of another man I dated back in my early twenties.  He questioned me how old this guy was to have a son... .again, freaked out bc he was considerably older than me!  :)idn't talk to me for 3 days after this and then raged on me and got physical with me!  He always said I wasn't to speak of the past, the past belonged in the past.  But was okay for him to discuss every fricking detail of his life from start to finish.  Honestly!

[enlighten me]

My ex would also accuse me of threatening her. It was a huge thing for her even though I had never threatened her in my life. When I asked her when I had ever threatened her she said it was because I loomed over hrr. Im 6'1" and she is 5'4". So just by being taller than her it triggered her feeling threatened.

[misty_red]

Yeah, I do really think they are reliving some past abuse. I mean, even her words to me. I don't know how many times I got the "You are being impertinent!". In the country where I come from parents use this phrase all of the time if a child is behaving badly. It's so obvious. I would never say something like that to an adult (partner). You just don't talk to an adult like that.

[ShadowIntheNight]

She didn't do this often, but I can recall it distinctly 4 times in the 9.5 years we were together. The first time it happened was about 6 months after we had gotten together. I can't remember what even set it off, I was sitting at a table reading and she just out of nowhere started on a tear about everything isn't about sex, I mean serious raging. She was in a fury standing over me at the table challenging me. I can remember sitting there thinking "this isn't about me, so I need to just let her say what she needs to say and then go from there." Finally she calmed down, and the thing never came up again.

The last time was this past April when the judge's order after her and her exH's 2.5 year custody battle came down. She didn't lose custody, but she was seriously screwed in plenty of other ways. When she told me about it on the phone, the way she was screaming and carrying on, you'd have thought I had written the order. That's when she told me if she had to find some guy to screw (she used a different word) to pay for her boys to stay in private school, then that's what she was going to do. Back then, I thought that was when she started painting me black. In reality that's when she applied the final coat. I realize now she had been devaluing me since February.

In a word or 2, she's batty.

[Splitblack4good]

There were times I could tell she was really acting out against her childhood abusers but taking it out on me. Like she was stuck in time. Lumping me in with people who had harmed her in the past when I defended myself against the accusations by saying, "See, you're just like them, they denied it too."

For me it felt like that, too. But the other way round. I always felt like she was treating me the same her parents treated her in her childhood. Like she put herself in the role of her parents and needed to punish me.

My ex used to treat me like I was her dad at times. Her dad is very wealthy and when he spoilt her rotten when she was a teenager when they had an argument I think he would use what he had done and spent on her when she was having a BPD moment. When I first got together with her I offerd to put petrol in her car or help her out whilst waiting for pay day etc she would say "I'm taking your money you will only use it against me later " as that's what her dad always did .

[Turkish]

Yes, like others here, I was her proxy dad. I was horrified when I realized it, since I was attracted to my young waif in the first place when on the outside, we weren't a very good match. Our yelling fights were rare (because I am laid back and avoidant). I used to throw back at her sometimes,

"I'm not your father you know!"

"I know you're not my father!"

"Well. it sure feels like it here."

After I caught her cheating, she was in tears, and she said, "you abandoned me, it felt just like my father!"

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

It was at that point that I realized there was no fixing the relationship.

[Elpis]

I often wondered because he would look like he was more "in his head" when he was raging. I would tell him to please look at me when you're talking to me, thinking it might bring him into the present, but nope--then I could see the tortured inside of him while he was still yelling and berating me. Wish i'd known all those years to walk away.

[hope2727]

Wow I thought I was the only one who experienced this.

The first rage event he called me his ex wife's name and kept repeating "you aren't going to take my kids from em" (we have none) "you aren't going to take my house from me (she did I own the house we were living in)  " you aren't going to take all my money ( I make more than him). It was so surreal. It just went on and on. He called me her name. I would say " I think you are thinking of your ex". He would pause and look at me like I was some alien in the room then on with the circular logic he went.

It was so odd. Now I understand better but at the time I had no idea what the heck was going on. It was of course the night before a forth year biochemistry exam so the timing was awesome. He raged for hours. The neighbours almost called the cops and I sat and studied going "uh huh".

Awesome way to finish my degree.

[Splitblack4good]

Every time me and my ex had an argument she would say" please tell me you don't hate me ! " When I split up with my ex I text her "congrats you finally made me hate you "after her verbally launching false accusations at me she said "please don't say that I'm begging you to take that back ! You can't take that back there are only 2 people that have said that to me and that's my parents " . Of course I didn't mean it at the time was just heat of the moment in an argument but I am starting to feel that way now I'm out of the FOG for 6 weeks .