Who is allowed to do exchanges?

[rarsweet]

Who is allowed to exchange kids. My ex refuses to exchange with anyone else even my mom, who is my babysitter, so he is constantly interfering with my job like if his time ends at three and I don't get out until four if I don't leave early he will then say he can't meet me until 7 

[ForeverDad]

People who are known to the children, such as relatives, sitters, etc, should be allowed to handle exchanges.  However, there should be considerations.  A parent could object to a new GF or new BF being used, or someone who is/was a drug addict, felon, etc.  But such objections may have to be resolved in mediation or in court.

A lawyer should be able to recommend how you should handle this.  Perhaps a written letter from you or your lawyer to ex or ex's lawyer stating not to obstruct your mother or other assignee from standing in for you during exchanges might be enough.  A lawyer could tell you if you first need to have an actual refusal or failed exchange with your mother before going to court, for some matters threats to do something don't mean anything, only the actual actions do.

In my case I knew my extremely confrontational and possessive ex would cause problems for exchanges.  (And she had alienated all my relatives so none wanted to do exchanges with her!)  So in my order I specifically had "daycare" listed as the equivalent of school status.  So my daycare was able to pick up my son from school and ex couldn't insert herself into my time just because I wasn't there.  There were a few encounters, even police called by the daycare, but once my ex realized that boundary was firm and couldn't be undermined, she had to accept it.  She didn't like it but the new boundary was firm and it worked.  (Our son, then in kindergarten, was kicked out of her school due to (1) ex's repeated scenes and (2) I had just become Residential Parent and her school was able to dump her and tell me to take my son to my own school district.)

In rarsweet's case, not surprisingly the ex feels Entitled to set the conditions for exchanges.  It is unreasonable but until you do something about it - invoke a Higher Authority - you will be stymied.  However, family court is the Real Authority, not the ex.  It may have to be invoked.  At this point you don't know what it will take to get this resolved, it may take only a lawyer's letter, or perhaps a police officer's intercession or report of the refused exchange, or perhaps it has to go to all the way to family court.  However, it is better to get it straightened out sooner rather than later.  Why?  This current sense of Entitlement will enable or encourage more attempts to oppose other boundaries.

[Thunderstruck]

If the order doesn't specify then I guess the ex can be a jerk face and refuse to exchange. It's a pain to go back to court, but if this is a constant issue than either:

A) the order needs to be modified so that exchanges are at a time that you can meet (after your work)

or B) the order is specifies third parties (such as family or sitters or other designees) can pick up the child

[ForeverDad]

Before concluding you will have to spend months in court, get some inexpensive consultations.  Local law attorneys should know how best to handle such conflicts.  Or the police may tell you how they handle such conflicts when they're called.  Also, you could go to domestic/family court and and ask the clerk whether there are any handouts or printed guidelines regarding exchanges.  Likely you'll be told the staff can't offer legal advice but they might be able to tell you what your next step is or refer you to inexpensive/free help from the loan Bar Association.  The last thing you want to do is let this continue unresolved.  If the ex gets away with this obstruction - apparently just to inconvenience you or get you aggravated - it will get expanded.