Mine doesn't blame me... ?

[Married2monster]

I've read a lot about BPDs lashing out and blaming partner.  Mine doesn't do that which honestly had me confused whether or not he was diagnosed accurately.  He whines and cries that he hates being the way he is, but there is always a trap door.  With mine it's the withdrawal.  He overwhelms me with promises and spills his feelings for me like we are in a movie.  It's over the top.  Then the withdrawal is just as extreme.  If I get close to him and allow him back in he is fantastic.  As long as there aren't any emotional events that require him being present and accountable.  If I'm hurt or upset all bets are off.  It's very shallow and superficial.  Sometimes I think he just likes the feeling of saying the things he does to win me over. 

Anyone have similar situation? 

[mrwigand]

Yes, that rings very true with my experience, and I've only been with my BPD SO for 4-5 months. Our relationship began with this burst of mutual emotional intensity. The closeness and intimacy between us was unlike anything I had experienced. Increasingly, the BPD has made the relationship deteriorate. I hate to say that because I care for my SO deeply, but it's true.

Now, we alternate between extremes of intense intimacy and emotional withdrawal. She won't communicate and then she'll blame me for not picking up the signals that she needed support. She'll say that she needs me to be more vulnerable, but when I try to open up I don't receive the empathy that request deserves.

So, in my case there is some lashing out but a lot of withdrawal as well.