My story - The Crazy cat lady - Silent but deadly

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi there,

This is my story, suspected BPD waif ex-girlfriend, things started great, perhaps a bit too good to be true, 37 years old never been married, for a pretty girl like her I was a bit surprised, I figured I just got lucky.

She was hypersensitive, told me at the start she was more sensitive to animals than human relations, once she caused a minor traffic incident by attempting to save some road kill, and then cried all day about it later. I found all this to be cute; she literally wouldn’t hurt a fly, she’d spend time in her back garden saving bugs entangled in webs!

3 house cats she adored, one in particular, a really needy little f*?ker that followed her around the house, was the perfect object to fill her constant need.

Things started great, she was very very shy couldn’t express her feelings, and would blush a lot in my arms, she said she couldn’t focus properly when I was there, which wasn’t an exaggeration, as when she was driving me around, she ran a red light and almost had another bad crash – which freaked me out a bit. But I just though wow, she’s just really into me.

She was very self-conscious about her body, constantly wearing baggy jumpers to her perceived pot belly- which was tiny. And somewhat demure as it took quite a few months before we started having sex.

Cracks started at 3 months, A weekend away hiking, after paying for and organizing everything, constantly running trips to get her stuff, I came down with a bit of heat stroke, she was oblivious to me feeling wretched. Then the sudden snappy voice ‘why’s that…what do you expect now’ etc... I just went off to sleep on my own and left her to it.

Things were hot and cold the next 3 months, I never new what to expect when I spent the weekend at hers, sometimes super lovey, then next passive aggressive snappyness, and just before we went to bed she almost always wanted some argument about, god knows what, which cat is the cleverer! What the heck!

We used to joke that she was just feisty, but it was just the underlying current of anger, she would b___ about a friend one night, the brother, the mother, the boss the next. And everything was about her, her problems woes etc. I was going through lot of stress moving house and living in some temporary crappy accommodation and there was no thought as to how I was.

She was always always tired, terrible sleep patterns, horrific dreams. IBS and other physical ailments, some hairloss – presume from the stress. Conspiracy theorist – paranoia! Always losing things, could never find her phone. Her favourite movie, which she literally cannot watch as she cries so much, is E.T.-basically a movie about abandonment. She has a love-hate relationship with her mother-and talked of being traumatized by her criticism, I suspect her mother is a BPD queen type.

I never really fell head over heels for this girl, as the constant push pull nonsense was gradually chiseling away at me.

After 7 months we were planning spending Christmas together just the two of us, I had a difficult couple of weeks, I was moving into my new home, so I couldn’t see her midweek, or the Friday.  I get a snarky text Friday saying I presume your asleep, then I miss her call Saturday morning and I get another one saying ‘sometimes, just sometimes I’m worth more than a message’ Im guessing this was the trigger.

The Saturday I see her she’s a bit cold, I can only see her next Thursday and then she’s positively hostile, extreme passive aggressive, couldn’t have any sensible conversation, I figure its just another mood. She say’s she needs her keys back for her dad to come round. The next day no text from her, text later to she how she is and she ‘dumps me by text’ ive had it with us, ill be sending your stuff over in post’! And 10 days previous to this she’s organizing me to meet the family!

Refuses to meet, or answer calls, texts met by extreme black and white hostility, absolute no chance of talking or resolution.

I thought it was pmdd at first, but after much searching I suspect it’s BPD,

It’s 6 weeks ago now, I sent the odd message pleading, hoping she’d calm down- only to be met with hostility. Went NC as advised and then broke a week ago, just trying to get my stuff back. Still cold as ice, after reading this site mine seems a relatively benign member of the species, but the swift callous nature of the break left me wrecked and now I feel I’m turning into her and I’m super needy!

My head says I’m well rid of the relationship, but I cant' stop thinking about her and pine in hope for some recycle just to ease the wound. And my replacement well it’s the cat! She is literally crazy cat lady.

[mercurious]

Hi there,

This is my story, suspected BPD waif ex-girlfriend, things started great, perhaps a bit too good to be true, 37 years old never been married, for a pretty girl like her I was a bit surprised, I figured I just got lucky.

She was hypersensitive, told me at the start she was more sensitive to animals than human relations, once she caused a minor traffic incident by attempting to save some road kill, and then cried all day about it later. I found all this to be cute; she literally wouldn’t hurt a fly, she’d spend time in her back garden saving bugs entangled in webs!

3 house cats she adored, one in particular, a really needy little f*?ker that followed her around the house, was the perfect object to fill her constant need.

Things started great, she was very very shy couldn’t express her feelings, and would blush a lot in my arms, she said she couldn’t focus properly when I was there, which wasn’t an exaggeration, as when she was driving me around, she ran a red light and almost had another bad crash – which freaked me out a bit. But I just though wow, she’s just really into me.

She was very self-conscious about her body, constantly wearing baggy jumpers to her perceived pot belly- which was tiny. And somewhat demure as it took quite a few months before we started having sex.

Cracks started at 3 months, A weekend away hiking, after paying for and organizing everything, constantly running trips to get her stuff, I came down with a bit of heat stroke, she was oblivious to me feeling wretched. Then the sudden snappy voice ‘why’s that…what do you expect now’ etc... I just went off to sleep on my own and left her to it.

Things were hot and cold the next 3 months, I never new what to expect when I spent the weekend at hers, sometimes super lovey, then next passive aggressive snappyness, and just before we went to bed she almost always wanted some argument about, god knows what, which cat is the cleverer! What the heck!

We used to joke that she was just feisty, but it was just the underlying current of anger, she would b___ about a friend one night, the brother, the mother, the boss the next. And everything was about her, her problems woes etc. I was going through lot of stress moving house and living in some temporary crappy accommodation and there was no thought as to how I was.

She was always always tired, terrible sleep patterns, horrific dreams. IBS and other physical ailments, some hairloss – presume from the stress. Conspiracy theorist – paranoia! Always losing things, could never find her phone. Her favourite movie, which she literally cannot watch as she cries so much, is E.T.-basically a movie about abandonment. She has a love-hate relationship with her mother-and talked of being traumatized by her criticism, I suspect her mother is a BPD queen type.

I never really fell head over heels for this girl, as the constant push pull nonsense was gradually chiseling away at me.

After 7 months we were planning spending Christmas together just the two of us, I had a difficult couple of weeks, I was moving into my new home, so I couldn’t see her midweek, or the Friday.  I get a snarky text Friday saying I presume your asleep, then I miss her call Saturday morning and I get another one saying ‘sometimes, just sometimes I’m worth more than a message’ Im guessing this was the trigger.

The Saturday I see her she’s a bit cold, I can only see her next Thursday and then she’s positively hostile, extreme passive aggressive, couldn’t have any sensible conversation, I figure its just another mood. She say’s she needs her keys back for her dad to come round. The next day no text from her, text later to she how she is and she ‘dumps me by text’ ive had it with us, ill be sending your stuff over in post’! And 10 days previous to this she’s organizing me to meet the family!

Refuses to meet, or answer calls, texts met by extreme black and white hostility, absolute no chance of talking or resolution.

I thought it was pmdd at first, but after much searching I suspect it’s BPD,

It’s 6 weeks ago now, I sent the odd message pleading, hoping she’d calm down- only to be met with hostility. Went NC as advised and then broke a week ago, just trying to get my stuff back. Still cold as ice, after reading this site mine seems a relatively benign member of the species, but the swift callous nature of the break left me wrecked and now I feel I’m turning into her and I’m super needy!

My head says I’m well rid of the relationship, but I cant' stop thinking about her and pine in hope for some recycle just to ease the wound. And my replacement well it’s the cat! She is literally crazy cat lady.

[Ghost733]

Hey brother,

Did it feel good to get your story down on here?  I know typing mine out and knowing other people read it felt pretty good in and of itself.

I got dumped by my waif + hermit type exgf a few weeks back.  I knew from an early point that she most likely had BPD and I tried to keep my expectations under control.  However, there's something about all those hormones and normalcy that come into play in a relationship like this that make it near impossible to not become emotionally attached.

You have a lot of reading to do.  I've learned through this process that I exhibit strong signs of narcissistic personality disorder and have a bend towards codependent relationships.  I had to take time to do manly activities again and remember that I'm a f***ing man and men have to be strong in this world.  Get back outside, ride your motorcycle w some bros, fish, lift, drink whiskey and dance with pretty ladies downtown.

Also, remember this: the life of any BPD is absolute hell.  They don't live in our world, they don't feel things like nons do, they are never, ever, ever what we call "happy".  That smiling happy face on facebook is fake; she's actually miserable and there's NOTHING you can do to change it. Nothing.

[Ghost733]

Also mine had two cats and a dog.  All of them were either found in a dumpster or at the pound.  She was attracted to broken things.

[mercurious]

Hey brother,

Did it feel good to get your story down on here?  I know typing mine out and knowing other people read it felt pretty good in and of itself.

I got dumped by my waif + hermit type exgf a few weeks back.  I knew from an early point that she most likely had BPD and I tried to keep my expectations under control.  However, there's something about all those hormones and normalcy that come into play in a relationship like this that make it near impossible to not become emotionally attached.

You have a lot of reading to do.  I've learned through this process that I exhibit strong signs of narcissistic personality disorder and have a bend towards codependent relationships.  I had to take time to do manly activities again and remember that I'm a f***ing man and men have to be strong in this world.  Get back outside, ride your motorcycle w some bros, fish, lift, drink whiskey and dance with pretty ladies downtown.

Also, remember this: the life of any BPD is absolute hell.  They don't live in our world, they don't feel things like nons do, they are never, ever, ever what we call "happy".  That smiling happy face on facebook is fake; she's actually miserable and there's NOTHING you can do to change it. Nothing.

Thanks Brother Ghost for your reply

It definitely felt good to get my story down and have others read it, been reading for 3 weeks on this board about this stuff, I think back sometimes about what I could have done differently but its irrelevant, she was a bomb waiting to explode.

I read somewhere on another post, about there sudden abandonment trauma, and basically they put you through it, due to the nature of the sudden cut off.

So yeah that’s why I feel now needy, as opposed to ever thinking she was the one.

Thanks again and good luck  

[mercurious]

Read your story ghost, sorry for that wild ride.

Mine also has a weird relation to objects, 6 weeks and i can't get my jacket back, its no use to her, says she'll send it in post but am holding my breath.

She was also attracted to broken things, vet tv shows were here favourite, and she had major issues with personal space, apart from me she had to stand 3ft away from people when talking, they'd close the gap, and she would back off, they would come forward again etc.etc. in some crazy dance.

i thought its all cute and quirky, she's some fairy princess, and your the prince who's different, but your getting sucked into her world of sadness.

[Tim300]

I think back sometimes about what I could have done differently but its irrelevant, she was a bomb waiting to explode.

Yes to the above quote.  37, pretty, and single . . . I wonder how many times this bomb has gone off.

Btw, mine has a couple dogs.  Mine also has a mom that definitely displays traits of BPD, etc.