Court is so drawn out.

[Aussie JJ]

 Hi all,

Had a hearing for the intervention order a couple days ago.  ex actually showed up (she told them she wasn't able to then rocked up anyway... .)  She has submitted a statement, its all lies.  Some of it blatant projection (however its so well worded, factual etc.  I am impressed actually).  Thing is, my legal representation has basically said, keep it simple.  I agree with her on a fair bit, her story is too complex.  

Pattern of behaviour from my ex on this one.  

Went to a police station, no action taken.  (So she says)

Went to a Police station, intervention order signed.  (Some very outlandish statements in this one)

Went to court, no show and no statement provided.  

Went to court, statement provided, story has changed.  

It is basically a he said she said at the end of the day with this one.  Both my parents as witnesses and the Police officer who took the complaint.  A Police officer who isn't listed and would have been told a different story from her original enquiry.  

Thing is, I am really really angry.  To me, you do something wrong you back down.  Simple, apologise and walk away.  I was telling myself, it will get worse, smile, enjoy it, it will get worse.  Black and white hinking, your all bad, she has to be correct, she has to feel good about herself and make me out to be bad, she has to have control, don't let it effect you, learn from this.  Let it be, can't stop it.  Well, here it is, I knew she would continue doesn't make it any bloody less costly.  

Now... .

It is a signed statement, she can't walk away from it.  Nothing whatsoever she can do to walk away from that and so many different stories.  My barrister sort of spoke to me a bit beforehand, her view was push it forward fight it and don't back down.  There was a request for a continuance, she blocked this by demanding that it proceed or be withdrawn, don't know how this works.  I was very happy with how she handled it basically, not backing down.  This Judge listened to her, I was impressed by that, didn't stop her or anything else.  She said a whole heap of legal jargon that had the Police person trying to jump in.  

I think I have to walk away from it for a few days to just get perspective on it.  I know I am a bit emotional about it but at some level at peace... . 

Thanks to everyone for their support on this one, so far I'm up to $5,000 defending against this, for less than 10 minutes in-front of a magistrate.  


AJJ.  

[ForeverDad]

My lawyer told me years ago that if I had to defend myself with a criminal attorney I'd have to pay a $10K retainer.  My ex did file a case outside domestic court as her response to my court action seeking divorce, it was a harassment/stalking petition in civil court, she knew family/domestic court wouldn't accept it and so tried the other court, but my lawyer handled it so the cost was wrapped into the divorce.  "It's the cost of doing business or whatever."

It is so hard now because you're still in the process of getting your foot in the door, so to speak.  Finally you've got something concrete for your lawyer to address and pick apart, proving it's all about obstructing and blocking your parenting as much as possible.  As time goes on your parenting and credibility will go up while hers hopefully goes down.  No guarantees though, mothers start with a huge amount of default preference.

[ogopogodude]

Forgive me, but I do not know what an "intervention order" is, ... .can you enlighten me?

Here in Canada, we have different terminology.

(I would LOVE it, if an intervention order meant that the BPD spouse --who refuses that they are, in fact, ill/needs therapy-- is taken away by a team of men in white lab coats and is finally medically treated for alcoholism/BPD/etc... and then this spouse finally "sees the light" and accepts the notion that they create chaos and pain to those around them, ... .and is then magically fixed after a time frame, and then we can love them again because they are now back to the way they once were... .   --sigh, ***---).

[whirlpoollife]

I think I have to walk away from it for a few days to just get perspective on it.  I know I am a bit emotional about it but at some level at peace... .   

I can relate to that in perspective to my last hearing. Ex and xtb spouses have a way to bring out emotions in us that would otherwise lay dormant.  But glad I used em.

[livednlearned]

How are you doing AussieJJ? Are you feeling more clear about what you want to do?

[Aussie JJ]

LnL,

For the first time in ages I am clear as day about it.  I just have had to get away from it all for a bit.  Everything surrounding this has 'consumed' me so to speak.  

Instructions to solicitor haven't changed, I am happy with those.  Run the course, get as much time as possible and don't come across as being the idiot in-front of the courts, let her say what she has to say about me, let her come across as an idiot.  

Some of the stuff Forever-dad and David have said he has said yes, 100 % correct.  Time and place for that approach, let her prove herself crazy first.  Highlight the behaviour, highlight the lies, get a bit and then ask for everything.  Essentially I am fortunate that my sons mother has been diagnosed with BPD.  She will lie about this and not provide that information.  So play dumb let her say what she will and then he does his lawyer stuff and a whole heap of contempt of court stuff and other jazzle that will cost money.  

I took the last 6 days off work and just packed the car up and drove off for 2 days before returning to have my son and went away for another 2 days afterwards.  I have to have that separation from it at the moment.  Just away form all phone contact with the world so to speak, it has been dictating everything.  

I didnt realise it but I was back to sleeping 30 minutes or so a night leading up to the court stuff, just stress.  

Ahh well.  


AJJ.