I just had a bad confrontation with my therapist. Im not happy

[Our abuse recovery guide]

           I made a mistake and thought my scheduled appointment was Tuesday instead of Monday which is today.

It's because Im writing on a new Calender that starts the week day on Sunday, Instead of Monday being the first day.

I had to cancel it last week because of an emergency with my horse and I called the office two days ahead of time. First she scheduled in the middle of the week in the afternoon which was perfect, and then 5 minutes later she called back and said she couldnt fit me in there and could only set me for 6:45 at night the following Tuesday. I tried to cancel this because Im new to this area and afraid to drive at night but she could only reschedule it way into the next month,  so I said ok,  and sat in it.   My mistake was my calender. I thought it was scheduled for Tuesday.

                 Anyways,  my phone rings tonight and its my therapist and he wasnt very nice to me at all. I was very sorry about it and tried to explain what happened with my calender and he cut me off in mid sentence and went on in a very stern way with me.  All I know is that I did not get good feeling from this conversation AT ALL!  I ask him why he was calling early, even though it was too late for me to get there on time and he said he needed to tell me that the doors would be locked, bla bla bal.   Well, the thing is ,if I "had" left on time I woudnt have been able to pick up my phone anyways because I cant see a thing with out my glasses to even answer, let alone being in the dark.  The receptionist didnt say anything to me about this. About how to get in.

                    Sometimes it just doesnt seem like there is any mercy in this world. I have had one of the most stressful weeks ever. First my horse has this serious sinus/tooth infection which took the vet 4 hours to find in the freezing cold. The bill was pretty high and her treatment is not over, its just begun. So my head has been focus on her. I thought she had a tumor or sist which requires surgery.  Then I find a a kitten that was hit by a car, bloody eyes and ear, which I rushed to the vet and saved her life,  then my favorite of all cats died. I brought him home from the vet to die here and the pain pills did nothing! He was still alive wailing at 4 oclock in the morning. It was horrible, until finally at 5 in the morning he past. Then I had to bury him and I couldnt stop crying. Then another favorite cat of mine came through the window from being out side with a leg wound that looked like he had been shot. And there he was dragging his hind leg like it had been broken. The vet thinks he broke his hip. I dont know. Hes getting better but I have to watch him all time and carry him everywhere, until just recently actually, he starting to get around on his own.

                     So all this has been happening and I missed my therapy appointment because I didnt read the calender right and the therapist calls me up and he was mean to me. Causing me to feel like I'm just some irresponsible person who doesnt care and Now Im wondering if this is the therapist I really want to see. Some one who interrupts me in mid sentence while Im trying to explain what happened? Like Im such a bad bad person now when he doesnt even have a clue what Ive been through this week and I tried to get to the appointment, it was a mistake. I'm human. 

             As I recall this isnt first time this therapist has interrupted me while Ive tried to tell him how I feel. He did this during my first appointment. It's hard when you place your trust in someone to help you,  you want them to be all right and nice to you. Not someone who starts to make all these assumptions about you as to what kind of person you   are just because you messed up on an appointment. I thought I liked him but now I feel kind of disappointed and lost. 

                   

[goingtostopthis]

           I made a mistake and thought my scheduled appointment was Tuesday instead of Monday which is today.

It's because Im writing on a new Calender that starts the week day on Sunday, Instead of Monday being the first day.

I had to cancel it last week because of an emergency with my horse and I called the office two days ahead of time. First she scheduled in the middle of the week in the afternoon which was perfect, and then 5 minutes later she called back and said she couldnt fit me in there and could only set me for 6:45 at night the following Tuesday. I tried to cancel this because Im new to this area and afraid to drive at night but she could only reschedule it way into the next month,  so I said ok,  and sat in it.   My mistake was my calender. I thought it was scheduled for Tuesday.

                 Anyways,  my phone rings tonight and its my therapist and he wasnt very nice to me at all. I was very sorry about it and tried to explain what happened with my calender and he cut me off in mid sentence and went on in a very stern way with me.  All I know is that I did not get good feeling from this conversation AT ALL!  I ask him why he was calling early, even though it was too late for me to get there on time and he said he needed to tell me that the doors would be locked, bla bla bal.   Well, the thing is ,if I "had" left on time I woudnt have been able to pick up my phone anyways because I cant see a thing with out my glasses to even answer, let alone being in the dark.  The receptionist didnt say anything to me about this. About how to get in.

                    Sometimes it just doesnt seem like there is any mercy in this world. I have had one of the most stressful weeks ever. First my horse has this serious sinus/tooth infection which took the vet 4 hours to find in the freezing cold. The bill was pretty high and her treatment is not over, its just begun. So my head has been focus on her. I thought she had a tumor or sist which requires surgery.  Then I find a a kitten that was hit by a car, bloody eyes and ear, which I rushed to the vet and saved her life,  then my favorite of all cats died. I brought him home from the vet to die here and the pain pills did nothing! He was still alive wailing at 4 oclock in the morning. It was horrible, until finally at 5 in the morning he past. Then I had to bury him and I couldnt stop crying. Then another favorite cat of mine came through the window from being out side with a leg wound that looked like he had been shot. And there he was dragging his hind leg like it had been broken. The vet thinks he broke his hip. I dont know. Hes getting better but I have to watch him all time and carry him everywhere, until just recently actually, he starting to get around on his own.

                     So all this has been happening and I missed my therapy appointment because I didnt read the calender right and the therapist calls me up and he was mean to me. Causing me to feel like I'm just some irresponsible person who doesnt care and Now Im wondering if this is the therapist I really want to see. Some one who interrupts me in mid sentence while Im trying to explain what happened? Like Im such a bad bad person now when he doesnt even have a clue what Ive been through this week and I tried to get to the appointment, it was a mistake. I'm human. 

             As I recall this isnt first time this therapist has interrupted me while Ive tried to tell him how I feel. He did this during my first appointment. It's hard when you place your trust in someone to help you,  you want them to be all right and nice to you. Not someone who starts to make all these assumptions about you as to what kind of person you   are just because you messed up on an appointment. I thought I liked him but now I feel kind of disappointed and lost. 

                   

[Rapt Reader]

Gee, I'm really sorry to hear about your horse and cats having injuries or health problems, goingtostopthis    It must be a really trying time for you having to deal with all of that, and not finding any compassion from your Therapist sure is not very helpful... .

Is your Therapist part of a Group of Professionals? Are you able to find out if there is another Therapist available that you might be able to switch to? My GP was part of a Medical Group and I'd seen her for probably more than 10 years--but I never felt comfortable with her, and her "beside manner" really put me off. Finally in 2014 when I saw her and my blood pressure in her examining room went sky high (and I'm normally very good with those numbers) because of my stress just having to see her for a check up, I decided to talk to a Receptionist for the Main Group. I was able to switch to another GP, and I like her much, much better.

Turns out, I wasn't the first person who wanted to switch from my original GP, and I was told by more than one Receptionist and Nurse for the Group that I wouldn't "be the last"    I just had to do that for my own peace of mind... .If you don't like or trust your Health Professional, it really can hinder your well-being. Can you switch if you decide to do that?

[hope2727]

I am sorry you are going through all this. I to have had years where the bad events pile on top of one another. Losing pets, injured pets and sick horses are all familiar to me. I once had to call a vet clinic in a town I had just moved to (after-hours of course) and tell them to send a vet, all their sutures and a bottle of ethanol. The filly lived but we put in 198 stitches in the dark. I had just bought the property and couldn't find the switch for the shop lights. Ridiculous.

As for the therapist. Ditch him. I work in health care and there is no excuse for being rude. People miss appointments. It happens. If it becomes obvious that they are just being jerks we don't rebook them. If they are sincere in their apology we understand. It happens. I've missed appointments too. Stuff happens.

Have you ever read "King of the Wind"?  It is one of my favourites. I read and re-read it when I was young. It follows the life of Sham and his groom. Sham was a  horse given to the king of France that was to become a foundation stallion of 2 breeds. Find a copy and read it. It will inspire you to keep going. Sham was born with 2 birth marks. One foretold ill luck and tragedy the other good fortune.He lived a long and trial filled life. His groom was sworn to serve the stallion until he died. So the two suffered through long hardships. Finally when it seemed nothing could get worse... .well I'll let you read the book. I have to leave a few surprises. Perhaps it will inspire you to keep the faith. I still have a copy and despite it bing a children's book I re-read it when I am in my darkest moments. It is a true story and somehow gives me strength to go on. Meanwhile hug your horse for me.   

[Ziggiddy]

Hi goingtostopthis

I am so sorry you have had one thing on top of another painful thing. i am really sorry about losing your cat in such an upsetting way as well as the injuries and sickness in the other animals.

Now I am not one to tell people what to do with their lives but I do feel very very strongly about therapeutic bonds.

your T holds your heart in his hands as a helper to you. it is both inappropriate and unnecessary to tell you off about missing an appointment. Even had it been on purpose. As far as that goes, booking and keeping or missing appointments is the business side of things and never needs to be treated with emotional duress.

And if he won't let you finish your sentence outside the session, is he going to let you finish inside the session?

Seems to me he's forgotten "Listening 101"

I used to go to this doctor whose receptionist would call out things to patients across the waiting room like "Why were you so late?" or "The chiropractor doesn't like when people cross their legs - it's bad for circulation. Don't let the doctor see you doing that."   What the actual what?

Not only does it seem incredibly unprofessional to me, it would do nothing to promote your confidence in him. I mean how's he going to be when a real crisis comes up?

If he doesn't make you feel safe and comfortable and act like a professional, would you want to PAY him to look after your emotional health?

There are some wonderful healers out there, gts. Let them be the ones to care for you. Trust your instincts. If it don't fit, don't force it.

Ziggiddy

[goingtostopthis]

Thank You Everyone!

      It's funny but if I had answered a post like this I would have said the same exact thing to me. Im going to see him next week and Im going to tell him how I felt about his reaction. Im also going to tell him about my week and if he doesnt want to hear it or what ever, that's it!  Sometimes it's hard to know in the beginning if youre seeing the the right person because the first appointment didnt go well, then the one after this did, he was really nice, then the one after that it was like he didnt want to help me emotionally he just came up with a quick fix solution like men do sometimes, and it wasnt a solution I could do. And that was to just leave, like its that easy, ok,  money grows on trees!

                      I think the best way I can help myself is to be honest with how I feel and Ive decided if I get that yucky feeling from him again,  Im finding someone else. I also need to be clear with myself as to what it is I want to work on.

Leaving here is a future possibility but I need time to get myself in a good financial position first. So in the mean time while Im here I need to work on strategies to help me cope. Ive been avoiding my sister and Im sure she's noticed this by now. This cant go on. I need help in gaining the strength and courage to start talking to her again and to stop allowing her to intimidate me.  I need facing my dragon help.  I think that's pretty clear wouldn't you say? And of course this entails boundaries.

                     I think I can do this.  I just need a good person in my corner handing me a towel and saying ok,  good job Now get back out there!  Ding! Yaaaaa!    


                 and also I need someone to help me with these wierd problems. ok.  Are you ready for this one.  I have to laugh.  I bought a coke the other day and wanted to put some ice in my glass so I went in the kitchen (obnoxious dog territory) and open up the freezer to get some ice from the trays and there right smack in the middle of the bottom shelf were there two un covered gross looking knawed rubber dog bones with froozen peanut butter on each one. I wasnt interested in any ice after that. She can tell me what not what to do,but can I tell her what not to do? Can anyone tell me the point of doing something like that? Is the taste suppose to remain longer for the dogs if its froozen? Forget a therapist helping me with this one. I need a nuclear scientist. 

                    Anyways,  thank you so much for all your support!  It really has helped me to calm down and begin to start trusting myself in a much better way.