New to the group

[Gumedy4578!]

I have been married for 16 years and we have 4 amazing children - ages

4-13... .

I finally saw the light last year when my then five year old said "I am scared one day I am going to make daddy so mad he may hurt me". Followed by " daddy is a different daddy when other people are around". Followed by " when daddy yells at us he makes us feel bad about us , you just get frustrated mommy bacause we didn't mind you "... .

Sad thing was I felt and and had thought every thing she said out loud ... .That was my wake up call ... .

We have been seperated for six months and it is still a constant roller coaster ride... .Everything is in a cycle and everything is everyone else's fault ... I stumbled across this site after my lawyer and my counselor both said something about him possibly having BPD based on things I described ...

I have felt so alone , so naive, so worthless, and so crazy for

So long ... It is nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel (so to speak) and I am loving getting to know my kiddos better - little did I know how much they kept bottled up inside because they didn't know any better, they thought it was their fault, and I thought I was protecting them .  Okay enough said for now

[livednlearned]

Hi Gumedy4578!,

A big welcome to you. I'm glad you found the site -- my son was 5 when he said something similar, and I had a light bulb moment similar to what you are describing. You're not alone, people here understand what you're going through. How are your other kids doing? How are you doing?

You're at a really important turning point. My son and I became a lot closer and a lot of the things I learned about raising an emotionally resilient child helped us both heal. It's been amazing, to be honest. I never knew how much growth was possible.

[momtara]

Bet you wish you had known about BPD before! I only found out at the very end, too.  It's different for those of us leaving a high functioning BPD man than the ones leaving a woman, I think.  Keep posting - this site is a big help!