Still in a spinal injuries unit recovering from his suicide attempt

[Calm Waters]

My son 27 is still in a spinal injuries unit recovering from his suicide attempt back in November. He has now finally been  given a psychiatrist who seems to be taking an interest in his case and I hope that given some continuity of psychological support he will recover from the deep depression that led to the suicide and be able to have some courage and hope that life is worth living. He seems stuck in the past still, ruminating about a failed relationship and trauma that stemmed from abuse associated with it, he seems unable to gain any self worth and is failing to take advantage of the rehabilitation opportunities available at the hospital. we go the 4 hour round trip every 2 days to try and support him and we are often greeted with indifference or hostility. He still has no bowel bladder or erectile function as a result of his injuries.

In the meantime my other son is trying to gain some degree of independence and move out  of our home so he can ' get away from the madness' as he puts it, however he is now also and addict of various substances and is self medicating, something started by the older one who has now largely kicked it. So hopefully he will get away and gain some independence and we will at least have some peace at home.

The dust has not yet settled from the death at 55 of my high functioning BPD sister in law that joy is yet to come.

Been reading various books about suicide - latest purchase - waking up alive richard heckler

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Calm Waters,

A lot has happened in your life recently. Seeing your son attempt suicide is a horrible thing for a parent. I am glad your son survived but the physical problems he's facing aren't easy at all. It is very positive though that he now at least seems to have a psychiatrist who will hopefully be able to get through to him.

How are you dealing with all this yourself? You say you've been reading some books about suicide and people who survived suicide attempts. Do you feel like these books have been helpful to you? Are there any new insights you've gained that you feel might not only help you but perhaps also your sons?

Your other son is unfortunately engaged in substance abuse and self-medicating. Have you talked to him about these issues? Do you feel like he acknowledges that he has a problem and would be willing to seek help?

[lbjnltx]

So very sad to hear about this devastating event.

How are you taking  care of yourself through all of this? 

What can we do to help support you?

lbj

[Calm Waters]

My fortnightly mens group continues to be a great support. My wife and I have been allocated a clinical psychologist to help us come to terms with our trauma, my wife is in a women's group. We went for the first time last week to a carers forum locally which has been meeting for some years. BPD came up often as we went around the table, everyone there is caring for a suicidal sibling partner or child, sometime more than one! Its heartbreaking hearing how these carers have endured decades in some cases; what came through load and clear was the failure of the local crisis team to respond appropriately. My son saw then half an hour before he attempted his suicide and they deemed him bot to be at risk! so sadly my experience echoes those of most around the table.

Nevertheless it still feels like a very lonely existence we are leading few people understand how traumatic it is to have on suicidal child let alone potentially two! and the level of disturbance and fear that this situation ilicits.

Both sons seem stuck in some kind of developmental delay, they both at 17 seemed to change, start using drugs and lose any sense of ownership of the consequences of their behaviour. Its not surprising that they both have BPD traits as both myself and my wife are the products of disturbed families, ye I don't blame myself they both had happy secure and loving family life but some how those BPD issues keep coming up generation after generation, just have to hope it will all come good by some miracle.

[lbjnltx]

It looks like you are doing all the right things... .invest in your self care and learn how to support your sons in healthy ways.

There is nothing to lose in asking for miracles.  I got mine!

lbj