My daughter is now nearly 20, and we are heading for yet another crash

[porcupine]

My daughter is now nearly 20, and we are heading for yet another crash - she's likely to be told she can't stay at university as she is struggling - re-sat first year and now failing all her exams again. She is 'not worried' about it and thinks she can re-sit. She lives in a student flat, but hides in her room, can't get to grips with socialising. Does so many of the things your information site lists, apr from the anger, it is all internal.

There were so many times in her childhood where she had problems - most of her life I've been taking her to doctors, trying to get help. Sometimes we did, and sometimes we didn't. She got diagnosed finally with BPD a year ago. Has OCD and depression.

I feel an overwhelming weight of fear and guilt. I try to hide it from people around me but as I type this I am sitting here crying, alone.

I loved her so much and still do, and her father loved her. We both showed her kindness and love all the way. But our own relationship broke down when she was 8, and although we encouraged her to see each other in a good light, she was likely affected by that.

I feel sometimes like I haven't got the strength to live this life. I love her so much, but this diagnosis and the struggles she is going to have to live with, on top of the usual struggles of life, are too much to bear. How are parents supposed to live with this, when the condition is caused by us? This is a nightmare and although it might seems selfish, I want to just walk right out of my life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Dear porcupine,

I hear your pain and fear... .it is overwhelming and deeply understood.

We can work through this with you.

lbj