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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Found strength to end it this week  (Read 617 times)
suerteluv
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1



« on: February 17, 2015, 08:58:49 PM »

New here and looking for strength after a five month roller coaster relationship with BPD boyfriend.  He still wants contact even though hes moved forward dating his ex but still wants to be friends with me. I know I can't be anything to him for my own swell being. I need to know why my boundaries were so wobbly and why I let him control me. If anyone else has lost themselves like this... .I can't be the only one.
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2015, 10:02:10 AM »

Hi sue, No, you're not alone.  Be grateful that your BPD r/s was measured in months, not years.  Many of us (read: me) were married to a pwBPD.  You are asking the right questions, in my view.  You are probably in a lot of pain, though perhaps you can look at your situation as an opportunity for growth.  Hang in there, LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
OnceConfused
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« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2015, 02:49:10 PM »

It is part of our human weaknesses, that is to cling onto the knowns, rather than pushing toward the unknowns even thought the knowns are not good.

You have to fight that clinginess. Once you succeed you will find a new you, a new better and improved person.
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