Hello

[StatenIslandAgent]

   My husband was emotionally abused by his mother who has a BPD. Living with my husband has been very hard because he was unable to communicate with me or connect on an emotional level with me. Children of mothers with BPD are very loyal to their mothers because if they are not they know they will be cut off.  They are emotionally abused on many levels.   I dealt with my husbands emotional outburst and denial for over 20 years and it has taken a tole on me. I became depressed and very lonely.   I decided to quietly distanced myself from my mother in law by not seeing her or answering her calls.   I  confront my husband and told him that he is not meeting my needs and that I can no longer go on in our relationship if he did not want to be my partner.  I sent him several web sites on BPD and covert incest.  Setting boundaries with my mother in law and husband made things change for the better. Our marriage is now better than ever.  There is way more to my story and experience with a mother in law with BPD and way to many disturbing details to tell.  My husband has 3 other siblings and they are broken.    My heart goes out to all the children who have parents with BPD.   

[Turkish]

Hello StatenIslandAgent, and

 

It sounds like you've turned your relationship into a success story for your marriage and family.

It's sad that your siblings-in-law are still enmeshed with their mother. Though I had prevously "diagnosed" my Ex's father as exhibiting BPD traits, I realized that my former MIL was the one who may have done covert incest towards her daughter, to replace an abandoning (abusive and serially cheating) spouse. I never used the phrase "emotional incest" but my Ex came to realize it on her own.

Before I came to this site, I would have taken for granted the stereotype of a "momma's boy." Now I realize that my Ex was like that in similar way ("married to her mother?"  I often thought).

It sounds like things are going well now. Do you have recurring boundry issues with your MIL though? If so, how are you dealing with them?

Turkish