Introduction

[SugarLand]

It has been about ten years since I was on this board. My child is 25 years old now and I thought I should come back and learn what you have to share and share what I have learned. I want to help but just not sure I want to go back to some of the times that I've already lived through. We'll see.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Wow sugarland!    10 years is a long long time.  I can understand why you would be unsure of revisiting painful times from the past.

Maybe you can start with telling us how you and your child are now.

Welcome back!

lbj

[SugarLand]

Yes, 10 years is a long time yet zoom, there it goes in a flash. So, when I was on this board ten years ago, I was weeks away from sending my fifteen-year-old 1200 miles away to live with her father (who also has BPD) in order to protect myself and my family from her. Having nothing else to lose as a last ditch effort, I read all of Marsha Linehan's books on BPD cover to cover, closed my ears to what all the so-called experts told me to do, and began practicing what I was learning. Within three months, she allowed me into her mind which was both a blessing and a curse. We survived. She finished high school and some college and is living on her own now. She is still a very ill person emotionally and physically but we have both learned to accept and cope and not give up hope.

[lbjnltx]

Yes, 10 years is a long time yet zoom, there it goes in a flash. So, when I was on this board ten years ago, I was weeks away from sending my fifteen-year-old 1200 miles away to live with her father (who also has BPD) in order to protect myself and my family from her. Having nothing else to lose as a last ditch effort, I read all of Marsha Linehan's books on BPD cover to cover, closed my ears to what all the so-called experts told me to do, and began practicing what I was learning. Within three months, she allowed me into her mind which was both a blessing and a curse. We survived. She finished high school and some college and is living on her own now. She is still a very ill person emotionally and physically but we have both learned to accept and cope and not give up hope.

What a wonderful story of how empowering yourself with knowledge and hope  can affect such positive change in your relationship with your daughter.  Did she or has she had any interest in DBT therapy herself?  Might she be interested now?

You mention she has physical ailments as well. That complicates things further.  So sad.

lbj

[SugarLand]

":)id she or has she had any interest in DBT therapy herself?  Might she be interested now?"

Not a chance. She won't go near a psychiatrist or psychologist or any institution that looks like it houses them. I found it very difficult to find practitioners who were really adept at DBT. Unfortunately, one or two bad experiences with DBT practitioners put her off the whole lot. It didn't help that she had years of bad experiences with psychiatrists and doctors before meeting a DBT practitioner so she is not very open. Some have told her that she's "too crazy" for them or that she needed to "get help" before coming to them with her problems. She always came out feeling much worse than when she went in so now she won't talk to any of them.

[lbjnltx]

Ouch! That is aweful!

Might she be open to doing DBT online and/or through workbooks? 

[SugarLand]

Unfortunately not. One of the therapists gave her a DBT workbook and she leafed through it and threw it out. I rescued it from the trash but she refuses to look at it. I managed to "teach" her a lot of the concepts and skills indirectly which is of course, not ideal. I've also helped her recognize some of the skills she has learned on her own. I have a little less credibility because I'm her mom but I often catch her applying something I've shared with her. She has also taught me some of the things she has tried on her own to self-sooth. Thanks for the welcoming discussion lbj, I'm missing her right now... .might give her a call.

[lbjnltx]

 

[livednlearned]

It says a lot about you that you persisted, SugarLand. I found it so hard to even figure out what a good therapist or psychiatrist means, other than recommendations. I now believe it's anyone my son can connect with 

I'm sorry your D had bad experiences with mental health professionals. But you were able to reach her, and she didn't end up living with her dad. And she's living on her own!

If you don't mind me asking, what was the advice that the so-called experts were telling you to do, and that you ignored?

LnL

[lbjnltx]

If you don't mind me asking, what was the advice that the so-called experts were telling you to do, and that you ignored?

LnL

I'd be interested to learn this too.

Most of the info I read didn't recommend Residential Treatment... .then I wondered why Harvard McLean had a full inpatient treatment facility with rarely an open bed and waiting list.  I went against conventional wisdom and went long term RTC (definitely didn't take this lightly).  Glad I did.

lbj