ugh of the day

[momtara]

My ex keeps coming up with new ways to use the kids' doctors' appointments to engage me. Our PC had suggested we meet with the doctor together, because my ex claims she never calls him back.  So I set it up at a time convenient to ex.  Waited there yesterday but of course he never showed up.

Now he is sending me emails saying he wants to switch our child's well visit, coming up in 2 weeks, to the following week. He is just trying to find more ways for control, as he already switched it once. I can ignore his attempts to bait me, but I'll just get tons more texts etc.  I have briefed our PC on this situation but she is very diplomatic and may take his side and say to just reschedule this once.  This may not be the end of the world but it also shows him he can engage me in this way.  I can say no to him, but then I look like the bad guy and piss him off.

Wondering if I should email him and say 'We've already changed it once. Let me know your reasons" and CC the PC.  But of course, that's more engagement.

The simplest things are wasting my time and leading to harassment. I am exhausted from his constant emails and texts and phone calls about our kids' appointments - when to make them, then demanding to know what the doc said.  I am caught in this loop of control.  Should I bring in the PC, ignore this, or what?  (It costs me money every time she reads an email too, but whatever.)

[rarsweet]

I am in the same boat, I keep telling myself not to diminish my parenting in order to appease him. It is very frustrating isn't it?

[momtara]

Yes. At least (so far) he hasn't done anything dangerous, but that keeps me in this constant loop over and over. He has so little parenting time that there's really not much to change.

Do you have a PC, rarsweet?  Any suggestions on what to do in this instance?

I'm leaning toward emailing her and telling her I will accommodate him this once. This way she is aware and hte burden is on him to show up, which he may not anyway.

[rarsweet]

I don't have a PC, sorry. Did he say the original appointment would work and then not show up?

[momtara]

pc told me to change it just this once, but we will set boundaries in the future. i think changing it at least will put him on the spot to show up. he probably won't.

[Nope]

Let us know if he shows up or not. If the PC is willing to work on a boundary after that, then she's just willing to give him lots of benefit of doubt, but will step in when it gets absolutely obvious that he is creating problems. If she brushes this off and doesn't address it or doesn't help set up a boundary, she's useless.

[Eco]

its so frustrating and draining  . my ex didn't even tell me when my daughters 2 yr wellness checkup was or that she was anemic. it takes the patience of a saint to deal with these people. I would just tell him when the appointments are and if he cant make them that's on him, you made it convenient to him so you've done your part

I hope it gets better for you