CO-PARENTING, BLENDED FAMILIES AND MENTAL ILLNESS

[funfunctional]

One thing I have learned is that it is impossible to stop an alienating co-parent if that is what they intend to do.  The power of mom is big.    We can only hope that thru love and honestly and doing the right thing that my step daughter won't fall for mom's manipulative, emotional drama creating and lying and just BAD behavior.   

Sadly... .the courts and even counselors don't see alienation most of the time.  It is silent.  It is sneaky.  It is emotionally draining.    But they don't see it.    Kids want to love and trust their moms.  When a mom is acting badly and "screwed up" in the head it creates a "no win" situation.

Life is a lesson.  Life is a challenge. Life can be painful.  I have learned to focus on my own two kids and smile & love the one step child we have left.  Mom is working on alienating her relentlessly and intentionally.  This recent "upping" of child support and aware of alimony to her new husband's x wife is motivating her to work harder at trying to upset my step daugther enough to turn her on her dad.    I pray my step daughter stands up for her right to be happy and love her dad and our family.   So sad when a woman that CAUSED her own divorce 100% can't settle for a new guy.  Instead she is trying to take her kids with her too.  Been trying to almost 8 years not.  Never stops. It is like the terminator android that never dies.    We have learned to respond and push back on most of the attacks but it never stops.   So sad.  Glad my kids are not in this position.    I have to be thankful for that.

[bravhart1]

I fully understand and agree. We've been doing this crazy dance for four years now. It's exhausting and the only ones that it really hurts are the children. Courts for the most part have a hard time seeing what's going on, unless you spend copious amounts of money to unearth it from under the BPDs sub-defuse.

I'm bitter and angry, I know it hurts me, but I'm having a hard time with the constant pressure and money drain as well as the hateful lies. All the while I'm at home caring for her child, trying to create a cushion between the harsh reality of bio moms mental illness and her just plain mean ol' ugly self.

I think the hardest part is that I'm a mom. I have my own children, my own ex, etc and I can't find a circumstance out there that would make me act in these heinous ways, all the while touting myself as the worlds greatest mother. I know she's sick, but she's crazy!

[funfunctional]

I get it Bravhart.

I find that I do the best I can for stepchild but my main focus is on my own.   That being said I always try my best to treat step child the same and not play favorites.   Send message she is valued & important.

I have learned to stay out of the drama between my husband and his two kids.   The BM keeps trying to pull us back in. 

WAtch transition times.   When the kids move back and forth from home to home.  Kids have the most difficulty then and a bad co-parent will make it more difficult for them.   We try to make them smooth and anticipate and not respond.  Give the kid time to settle down.  Point out to the kid that transition is tough from house to house.    Also,   the co-parent we deal with has no boundaries.  Doesn't like to follow custody and uses the phone to try to interfere with our time... .stir emotions... .create problems.   More boundaries the better.    Keep the nasty parent away during YOUR time. 

Good luck!