How do I help my daughter cope with BPD father?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My daughter is 14 and has been entrenched in her fathers BPD for many years. We were never married and the relationship only lasted a short time after my daughter was born.  I have been fighting against all of his text-book behaviors for 12 years.  But I do not know how to help my daughter. She is suffering from years of dealing with him but at this age does not understand that he is not normal.  I am desperate to help her but can think of a way to do so within him making her pay the price, or retaliate against her, or scare her in some way emotionally.

[HappyAnyway]

My daughter is 14 and has been entrenched in her fathers BPD for many years. We were never married and the relationship only lasted a short time after my daughter was born.  I have been fighting against all of his text-book behaviors for 12 years.  But I do not know how to help my daughter. She is suffering from years of dealing with him but at this age does not understand that he is not normal.  I am desperate to help her but can think of a way to do so within him making her pay the price, or retaliate against her, or scare her in some way emotionally.

[livednlearned]

Hi HappyAnyway,

Welcome to the site! I'm glad you found us.

14 is a tough age even when there is no BPD involved. And you have your own challenges with your ex, and probably don't want to disparage him to your D14, which puts you in a really tough spot. What kind of custody arrangement do you have in place?

When you say that she will pay the price, do you mean that she might learn her dad is mentally ill, and turn against him? What are some ways you have thought about helping her?