Daughter with BPD symptoms

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello group!

I am writing in hopes of gaining some insight on dealing with a 27 year old daughter with symptoms of BPD.  She is my middle child of 3.  My youngest is 21 and oldest 32, and both of them are healthy, productive and happy adults.  "Melissa" has struggled for many years with depression and dysfunctional coping. She was hospitalized twice during teenage years for self-harm.  She has had history of cutting, alcohol abuse, and unstable relationships.  She was unemployed for many months, and is now working part-time.    She lives in my home, and I completely support her financially.  She has a child, whom I care for much of the time.  Her child is 9 and doing very well.   "Melissa" loves her, but behaves more like an older sister to her than a mother.   It is really painful seeing my daughter live her life this way.   The way she treats me can also be very hurtful.   She alternates between seeming very appreciate for the support I  give her, with being very hostile and rude.  My main concern lately has been caring for my granddaughter, and I am happy that so far she seems to be thriving.   

[jfisher79]

Hello group!

I am writing in hopes of gaining some insight on dealing with a 27 year old daughter with symptoms of BPD.  She is my middle child of 3.  My youngest is 21 and oldest 32, and both of them are healthy, productive and happy adults.  "Melissa" has struggled for many years with depression and dysfunctional coping. She was hospitalized twice during teenage years for self-harm.  She has had history of cutting, alcohol abuse, and unstable relationships.  She was unemployed for many months, and is now working part-time.    She lives in my home, and I completely support her financially.  She has a child, whom I care for much of the time.  Her child is 9 and doing very well.   "Melissa" loves her, but behaves more like an older sister to her than a mother.   It is really painful seeing my daughter live her life this way.   The way she treats me can also be very hurtful.   She alternates between seeming very appreciate for the support I  give her, with being very hostile and rude.  My main concern lately has been caring for my granddaughter, and I am happy that so far she seems to be thriving.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi jfisher79

Welcome to bpdfamily  Having a child with BPD can be quite challenging as also becomes clear from your own experiences you've shared here. How are your other children dealing with all of this? What kind of relationship do they have with their sister?

The behaviors of your daughter you describe are definitely concerning. Was she formally diagnosed with depression? You also mention her being hospitalized twice for self-harm and having a history of cutting. Is this self-harming behavior still an issue with her as far as you know?

I am glad to hear that your grandchild is doing so well Taking care of a BPD daughter while also taking care of a grandchild means that you've got a lot on your plate. How are you yourself coping with all of this? Do you feel like you're able to take enough care of yourself?

[livednlearned]

Hi jfisher79,

I wanted to join Kwamina in welcoming you to the site. I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we learn from each other.

It's a challenge to live with and love someone who suffers from BPD, and when there is a child involved, that doubles the challenges. I'm glad your granddaughter has you to help give her some stability.

What behaviors are causing you the most problems? What aspects of your daughter's behavior do you find most difficult to deal with?

Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so, and let us know how things are going for you.



LnL