Yup, they are maddening. Absolutely toddelers. Which means they love pushing buttons and watching us explode because it's the only time they feel in control. All you can do is try to stay sane. Venting here is a lovely thing. I know I always feel a little better after I do it.
When I get wrapped up in the chaos the kid's BPD mom creates If I don't vent and do some self care I stop doing anything else but stomping around hating her guts. I have a T, and these boards, to remind me that this is counterproductive. How can I show the kids something different when I'm a giant ball of anxiety? They need to know what stable looks like more than they need anything else.
Exchanges are always a battle ground for us as well. Especially pick ups as we can't leave until she hands over their bag. Until she hands it over she's got a captive audience and she knows it. Our exchange point is several hours away from where we live so sending other people isn't an option. We are trying different things in order to make exchanges a bit better. This past drop off was the first time we got there early, unloaded the kids bags, and just had them hop out and go to her so that we were driving away the moment her car door opened. (She knows she can email if she has something to say.) Might seem harsh, but it's FAR better than one more blow up in front of the kids. For the return trip, we are going to stay in the car with the Windows rolled up while she gets out, says her lengthy goodbyes to the kids, and starts to get their stuff out of her car. DH will stay in the car while I collect the kids and their things so that she would have to go around to his window to start with him. We'll see how that goes and adjust as necessary.
... .Though I will admit it was a whole lot of fun knowing she spent the whole ride out to get the kids working on what enraging things she wanted to say to us only to not get the chance to say anything.
