daughter with BPD

[Lacey Mae]

I have been heart broken again.  My last post was positive because my daughter start calling me mom.    She still treats me with disrespect and temps me with verbal abuse.  The nasty things she says to me has once again made me cry and broken hearted.  I .am so tired of not being my self around her.  this may sound strange but,  my daughters boyfriend and my daughter got into an argument.  She must have treated him how she treats me because he left the house to go home and before he left he looked at me and said  " I wont allow her to talk and treat me badly in the same way she treats you".  All I could say was  " there are times I wish I could leave but I am her mom?"  Once again I feel tired and depressed. It felt  good for me to hear someone else recognize her bad behavior. I felt relief. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Lacey Mae,

I'm so sorry  you are hurting. 

I understand how you feel.  Early on, before my daughter 12 was diagnosed, I felt so hurt and angry by the things she would say to me.  I didn't know what to do about it.  When she was diagnosed with emerging BPD I began to read about the disorder in books and that's when I found this site. I was learning how to communicate with her in a way that was beneficial for my daughter and our relationship... . and still I struggled... .she struggled.  It was so hard to be calm in the face of her storms.

What I discovered is that I needed a safe space emotionally from her abusive tirades.  I learned how to set boundaries and enforce them and it was empowering.  I finally had a tool that protected me, my relationship with my daughter, and even protected her.  I took back my life, I had choices, I went from feeling like a victim to being an empowered parent and was stable emotionally and mentally enough to learn and practice communication skills, make decisions that would have a positive affect on my daughter and my family.

Does this sound like something you would like to explore... . if so this would be a good place to begin:

Boundaries-Living our Values

We are here to help you any way we are able Lacey Mae, we are glad you came back.

lbj

[livednlearned]

Hi Lacey Mae,

It is hard to bear the brunt of the verbal abuse. The link to the conversation on boundaries that lbjnltx shared is a good one -- I feel like boundaries were ladder rungs that helped me get myself to a better place. When S13 starts to wind up, he sees me reaching for the ladder rungs and sometimes I think he cools down because of it. It's hard to say.

Recently I took a class on mindfulness-based stress reduction, and that has also helped, more than I ever imagined it would. Is there anyone nearby where you live who might be offering classes?