I never knew a thing such as BPD existed... until it ran right over me

[Nextinline]

I am new to this place. I am new to BPD.

I am dealing with a broken heart and a destroyed soul right now.

I had no idea that the love of my life for the last 4 years had BPD. I have done the research. She has both BPD and NPD. I know what it was. I didn't see the red flags I thought that living life on a rollercoaster of emotion was normal when you are involved with a Scorpio women.

But now that I have been discarded like yesterday's trash and try to reason with someone who is unreasonable or trying to find logic in an illogical situation I now realise that I was now used, abused and tossed out when I could no longer meet her financial and emotional demands.

There is so much that I could share, things that I now reflect back on... .even from the very first date we ever had... .and i never saw the signs. I was in this relationship forever. For better and worse.

This is my first post.

But I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone and this sense of total abject failure and not understanding why she just walked out 3 months ago is probably not uncommon.

I now have to pick up the pieces of my life and put myself back together. The only joy I have right now is that I never let her get her hands on my home, otherwise she would have taken that as well.

I want to tell my story and I hope that I can do that here, among like minded people that carry the same scars that I do. I just hope that they will eventually heal.

I chose my name carefully because I was just the next one along.

[enlighten me]

Hi nextinline

like you I had never heard of BPD until I looked into my exgf behaviour. What shocked me is that I realised my ex wife was also BPD.

So much was made sense of. Knowing helped ease the pain but it was still a long struggle with recovery.

I hope this site helps you as much as it has me.

EM

[Nextinline]

Thanks EM.

Appreciate your response and your understanding.

I have never in my life been on a site or forum such as this... .but now I see it as something that can save me from drowning.

I need to tell my story and will do soon.

My relationship is over and she left me.

Cheers

N I L

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Nextinline, 

Welcome aboard.

I am sorry that you are hurting. I understanding how heartbreaking and painful it is to feel as if have been discarded.   

BPD and NPD are perplexing and coping with the behavior can make you feel like you are on a roller coaster of emotions. Do not be hard on yourself, many people here did not see the  and thought this type of behavior was normal.

Looking forward to reading your story.   

[OnceConfused]

Glad you are now out the BPD web and vortex.

I still have cold sweat, thinking of what would happen had I stayed with xBPDgf. I would have lost my connections with my children, lost my friends and lost my business and assets.

Within 5 weeks of knowing me, she already tried to con me into buying her a $25,000 diamond ring. This was right after the $25,000 i loaned her to fix her house. 

Good luck my friend and Rejoice.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Nextinline,  Welcome!  Like many of us here, I had never heard of BPD until a T finally loaned me the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells (SWOE), which you might want to read if you haven't already.  At that point, I had already been married almost 10 years.  I knew there was a problem, but could never put my finger on it it.  Sure, I missed plenty of red flags, too,  , so don't beat yourself up.  I understand that you are still reeling from your b/u, yet at some point I predict that you will be grateful to be out of your r/s with a pwBPD.  In the meantime, there is much to learn, so check out the resources on this site.   

LuckyJim

[Nextinline]

Thank you for all of your kind words and support.

The strength that I am feeling from all of your kind words is keeping me afloat.

It has been a very tough, sleepless night.

It was only yesterday, 9 weeks after we separated, that she told me that she was already with a new man and had been with him for 5 weeks.

That was devastating as I had always believed that reconciliation was possible.

So the pain of knowing that she went to sleep in his arms last night and woke with him this morning has been the most brutally raw pain that I have ever felt.

I know that I have put this in the wrong section of the "board" as I should have posted it in L3 as the relationship is now dead. I don't know how to move this thread though.

I now need to move into the NC mode and have nothing to do with her even though the sms that still come express profound endless love for me.

For me, I just feel empty.

Thank you to all for your sensitivity and understanding.

I will tell you the story of my 4 years in case it can help someone else... .but right now I am struggling to stay upright.

N i L

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, Nextinline.  My heart goes out to you. 

I can relate to the shock, bewilderment and confusion that you are going through with "struggling to stand upright".  I have a decade of social work and knew nothing of BPD at all.  I am enlightened now.  I encourage you to educate yourself on the topic and to continue to use these discussion boards for your understanding and healing.

We are all in this together.