Never going back to the family home

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello

I recently left my partner of three years. I still love her and there is part of me that is broken, but i'm coming to the realisation that going back is simply not an option.  My lover is a very capable woman, she has a successful career, is financially secure and leads a very disciplined, organised life. She has breathtaking beauty as well and to put it bluntly when we met, I figured i had finally found my dream woman at the grand old age of 43! Like most couples we had our moments and argued during the first two years but nothing like we have got to recently. Every week since January 1 we have argued, fought and made up only to fall out. Last night I told her I was not coming back to the family home... .she cried, begged me to come back, then wiped her tears and with a deadpan glare  told me she had met someone else at work... .This is nothing unusual; last week she told me she was going to take her life as life was not worth living.I also had a fight with her over a hot iron which she placed on her head because she claimed I was no longer loving her and I never had time for her. I've been accused of "screwing my female colleagues at work" and of plotting to murder her so I can have her two children from her previous marriage for myself. Leaving is all the harder as I grew attached to her eight-year old son and it breaks my heart thinking what that boy is thinking now how I've abandoned him and his mother... .One day he brought back a card he had made at school it was specifically addressed to me and in it he wrote how he felt proud he had a second dad who never shouted at him and played sports with him and took him to games... .my partner went ballistic at him when she read it. She lectured him saying he never did this for his own dad and for that matter his mother... .she also said I had manipulated him so much he was favouring me over his father and making her out to be a terrible mother... .and the madness of it... .I have to stop at this point, there is so much more I would like to say, but I have to as this is making me sad.

Rolf

[Rolf]

Hello

I recently left my partner of three years. I still love her and there is part of me that is broken, but i'm coming to the realisation that going back is simply not an option.  My lover is a very capable woman, she has a successful career, is financially secure and leads a very disciplined, organised life. She has breathtaking beauty as well and to put it bluntly when we met, I figured i had finally found my dream woman at the grand old age of 43! Like most couples we had our moments and argued during the first two years but nothing like we have got to recently. Every week since January 1 we have argued, fought and made up only to fall out. Last night I told her I was not coming back to the family home... .she cried, begged me to come back, then wiped her tears and with a deadpan glare  told me she had met someone else at work... .This is nothing unusual; last week she told me she was going to take her life as life was not worth living.I also had a fight with her over a hot iron which she placed on her head because she claimed I was no longer loving her and I never had time for her. I've been accused of "screwing my female colleagues at work" and of plotting to murder her so I can have her two children from her previous marriage for myself. Leaving is all the harder as I grew attached to her eight-year old son and it breaks my heart thinking what that boy is thinking now how I've abandoned him and his mother... .One day he brought back a card he had made at school it was specifically addressed to me and in it he wrote how he felt proud he had a second dad who never shouted at him and played sports with him and took him to games... .my partner went ballistic at him when she read it. She lectured him saying he never did this for his own dad and for that matter his mother... .she also said I had manipulated him so much he was favouring me over his father and making her out to be a terrible mother... .and the madness of it... .I have to stop at this point, there is so much more I would like to say, but I have to as this is making me sad.

Rolf

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Rolf, 

Welcome aboard. 

I am sorry that you are going through this.  It is painful to make a difficult choices.

The erratic and dramatic behaviors can be very tough to cope with. Especially suicidal ideation and threats. Suicidal ideation and threats are correlated with abandonment fears. Abandonment fears are a characteristic of people with BPD (pwBPD). For a pwBPD, the perception of abandonment or rejection equals them being "bad." Abandonment fears are related to an intolerance of being alone and the need to have people around them.  PwBPD will make frantic efforts to prevent abandonment, such as engaging in impulsive or self-harming behaviors. PwBPD may project anger, sarcasm, bitterness, anger, or verbal outburst when a partner is seen as neglectful, uncaring, and abandoning. 

Have you had a chance to read up on BPD behaviors? Learning about BPD behaviors helps with understanding things from different perspective.

I can understand how you could feel really sad talking about your situation. It really helps to share your story. You will find that there are many other people here who have similar stories.

[LeonVa]

Just curious, how many years have you guys been together? I know you said 3 years, is that 3 years of marriage or dating+ marriage?

How is the custody of her child with her ex? How are your relationships with her ex? 

Well, all I have to say is that maybe her ex felt the same way you do and that's why he left!