I only back down from my pwBPD

[gomez_addams]

I had dinner with a buddy tonight. His mother is disordered (not N/BPD... .Much different and worse). He told me I probably have PTSD, or something similar.

And tonight the stbx uBPDw sent a text telling me some things she needs and my first thought is, "Yes, Dear." And I wondered how I could get them to her quick enough. And I hope I get them to her correctly.

It's like I snap to attention. Like some twisted conditioning.

I feel so broken... .

I need to get out of this marriage.  The next meeting with the parish priest is Saturday evening. i think I'm going to ask him how to handle the face to face. I want to be boring, bland, and beige in the face of provocation. And she deserves and needs to hear the truth. But I feel it's going to be a pointless exercise.  I don't have it in me to continue playing this game of emotional chicken. I failed to set and maintain boundaries. I want out.

I don't know if I have a question, or if this was more about putting my thoughts down. I'm always grateful for the folks that comment, encourage, and spur me on to hang in there.

Gomez

[disorderedsociety]

Best thing to do is, when you feel you're ready to leave, have everything lined up so that you can sever all ties and do it swiftly. It could be cathartic if you tell her why you're leaving when you do, but keep it short and sweet. Nothing you say to them will change it though, as their disorder IS them. They can only work through it when they're ready. Its gonna take some time to sort through the PTSD stuff. I had it when I left my ex-fiancee. Mainly jumping when being touched. She would at random times grab my junk and be like, "ohh yeah!" it was insane. Haha, hang in there bud.