I am so glad to find this site.

[LovestaG]

I am realizing that the behaviors we've despaired about in my 35 year old daughter have a name and a cause. She is married (for now), 7 months pregnant and, as of last night, out of control. She is so smart, loving, loyal. She doesn't engage in self medicating or self injury, she works hard, is reliable and caring. But she rages over the slightest imagined offense and her poor sweet husband is dumbfounded. She has never been able to maintain any long term interpersonal relationships. But she married the guy she had loved all her adult life less than 2 years ago, and now is so angry... .we don't know where she is, she is driving and not answering our calls. I am heartbroken. I feel tremendous guilt for not getting help for her when she was young. We just shook our heads and said, "that's just her... .strong willed and stubborn." I don't know what to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Panda39]

Hi LovestaG,

Welcome to the BPD Family    I'm glad you've found us.  I'm sorry to hear about the struggles surrounding your daughter's anger.  It sounds like a good thing that she stepped away and can now drive around and hopefully cool off. Was there something in particular that triggered her?

Has she ever had therapy?  Do you think she'd be willing to try it?  How is your SIL (Son in law) handling all of this? 

As for guilt for not helping her when she was younger, I want to remind you that kids don't come with a "how to" manual.  Parenting is all trial and error, flying by the seat of your pants and doing the very best you know how to do.  Don't beat yourself up, you recognize the problem now and you've reached out to us here which is a great first step 

I'd like to direct you to the list of "Tools" in the box to the right ------------------------------------------>

There are several tools that can help with more effective communication with your daughter.

I'm glad you're here and if you are like I was when I first arrived you will be surprised at how much we all have in common.

Again Welcome 

Panda39

[LovestaG]

Panda39-

Thank you for your kind words. It feels like a light in the darkness. I hope I'm doing this correctly... .I've never joined a discussion board before. My daughter gets therapy regularly... .but she's brilliant and she only reveals what she wants to... .I would love to speak with her therapist but I know that is not allowed. My son-in-law is beyond bewildered. His relatively happy home just blew up in his face. She has been demanding and angry before, but went pretty off the rails this time. The neighbors heard her screaming at him. She drove around all night. She has gone home but won't speak to her husband. How in the world do I broach the subject of BPD? How do I find a therapist who specializes in treating for it?

Again, thank you, thank you, for being here. I have felt so alone so many times.

LovestaG

[Panda39]

Panda39-

Thank you for your kind words. It feels like a light in the darkness. I hope I'm doing this correctly... .I've never joined a discussion board before. My daughter gets therapy regularly... .but she's brilliant and she only reveals what she wants to... .I would love to speak with her therapist but I know that is not allowed. My son-in-law is beyond bewildered. His relatively happy home just blew up in his face. She has been demanding and angry before, but went pretty off the rails this time. The neighbors heard her screaming at him. She drove around all night. She has gone home but won't speak to her husband. How in the world do I broach the subject of BPD? How do I find a therapist who specializes in treating for it?

Again, thank you, thank you, for being here. I have felt so alone so many times.

LovestaG

Your doing great!  I had never done this until about a year ago either.  I just played around with it, checked out all the boards and read whatever thread sounded interesting.  The more you do it the easier it becomes, the more information you get directed to, the more of the lingo you begin to understand, and the more members and their stories you come to know.

I'm glad your daughter made it home safely and well the silent treatment is pretty common with BPD folks unfortunately.

I'm a member of the BPD Family because my SO (Significant Other) has an uBPDxw (Undiagnosed BPD ex-wife) so I have not had to look for a therapist, but if I had to I would start by asking my family doctor if they could refer someone, if you have friends seeing a therapist ask them to ask their therapists for suggestions, check out the internet pick out some prospective therapists and call and have a chat with them. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) seems to be the most recommended type of therapy for BPD although some work with Schema Therapy as well.  Below are a couple of links to more information on DBT and a small blurb about Schema Therapy so you can get more of an idea of what they are about.

The basic principles behind Dialectical Behavioral Therapy www.http//bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2011/04/untangling-internal-struggles-of.html

Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder [New] https://bpdfamily.com/tools/articles7.htm

Schema Therapy

Schema Therapy was developed by Dr. Jeffrey E. Young for use in treatment of personality disorders and chronic Axis I disorders, such as when patients fail to respond or relapse after having been through other therapies (for example, traditional CBT). Schema Therapy is a newer, integrative psychotherapy [1] combining theory and techniques from existing therapies, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, psychoanalytic object relations, Attachment Theory, and Gestalt therapy.

Do you know who your daughter's therapist is?  You could at least research them and see what their area of expertise is.  Do you know what your daughter's current diagnosis is? 

As far as talking about BPD with your daughter, I would not throw the label at her it will put her on the defensive and probably do more harm than good.  If you are going to discuss your concerns with her I would keep it in terms of her behaviors.

I would also like to suggest that you do as much reading about BPD as you can it will give you a good understanding of what it is, what the possible causes are, various therapies and how to better help your daughter.  I started with my library and over time checked out every book I could on the topic.  We also have book reviews and suggestions here too.

You are absolutely not alone, you will find great advice, encouragement, support, tools, and sometimes just a place to vent your frustration on these boards with their wonderful pool of people with all types of different perspectives on BPD.