BritinBcn
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: May 14, 2015, 01:12:52 AM » |
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Sorry to trouble you guys but I found this forum while googling answers to my problem, I hope someone can give me some advice.
Ok this will be something of a long story.
Just over a month ago I met a girl from a dating application, the first day we spent together was lovely and at the end we kissed, we met again 2 days later and kissed and held hands like teenagers (we're not, we are both 34).
During the week we talked all day via whatsapp.
We agreed to meet on Saturday again.
The girl did say to me that she didn't want anything serious as she was just out of a long and controlling relationship, I was fine with this, however on the Thursday night she told me the she had a date with another guy from the app the next day and if they connected they would sleep together.
I also had a date arranged for the next night but being more old fashioned had not even considered I would sleep with the person I was meeting.
This made me angry and upset, I wish I could be cooler sometimes, anyway we had a phone call I said I wouldn't be her second shag of the weekend, so she said she would cancel her date but I must cancel mine also, because she does not masturbate and was horny.
So we cancelled our dates and I went to her house the next night, what started was a very intense love or perhaps lust affair.
The next day I had to work on the Saturday for a couple of hours she asked me to return straight after, that evening she told me she loved me, I didn't reply I thought it was too soon but she said it again on the Sunday morning and I said it also.
Again on the Sunday though she said we should meet other people, well actually I had a date arranged for that day with another girl so I told her this.
She said it was fine but if anything happened between us I must tell her.
Anyway whilst I was returning home I got a text from the girl I was meant to meet later cancelling.
I told the first girl I was not seeing her and would now be free on Sunday also, she said that's great and that she was coming to my city that afternoon as there was a comic convention and I could go with her.
She got us in free as her sister was working there, we held hands and kissed in front of her sister and I felt this must be turning in to a relationship, which I hoped for as I really did like her.
That night we went back to our seperate houses but she posted photos of us together on facebook and tagged me, I was very proud as she is very beautiful and as it seemed liked me a lot.
In the week she gave me a present a graphic novel I had really liked the look of at the comic convention.
The next week we spent nearly every night together at her house, having dinner together, sleeping next to each other, she told me she loved me and that she liked me too much, she told me how incredible she thought I was, she would ask "where did you come from?" or "are you even human?" as I am something of a romantic and would make little gestures.
We made an agreement that we could meet other people but only be intimate with each other.
She did also say a few times in that first week she didn't want anything serious, but I told her I really liked her and if it was for the best I'd happily leave and we could meet again in the future, she always said no.
The next weekend came Friday and Saturday night were great as always, on the Saturday night she said "I love you too much"
That night I felt we became closer than ever, I gave her an all over body massage and something else a little more private happened which I think she thought would gross me out but didn't as I was already crazy about her.
The next day in the morning I said let's have a few days apart, I had been at her house nearly every night for 2 weeks and if I wasn't we talked via Skype.
She seemed to become a little stressed aand started doing yoga in front of me something she had never done before.
We made plans for the Thursday through to the Sunday later that week, we kissed like everything was normal as I left.
That evening we talked on Skype but she seemed colder and more distant, the next day she didn't send me any messages which was very unusual, so on the Tuesday I asked if I could come meet her at her work as I missed her, just for 5 minutes.
When I got there she came out we kissed and held hands everything seemed normal.
I went back to my house happy.
That night she called and said things were moving too fast, that she wanted to be able to sleep with other people and she was meeting a different guy on Saturday, I was hurt, upset and angry.
I told her I would not be part of a group of lovers that I have too much self respect for that and that to tell me something like this she should have done it face to face not over the phone.
Anyway the next 2 days we argued via text, we were supposed to meet on Thursday night but she said maybe it's better Friday as she was in a bad mood and things had changed between us, well clearly I was aware of that.
I said no I would come that night to speak to her and then leave.
I thought I was going for the break up conversation.
When I arrived I went to kiss her cheek but she turned her head and gave me a passionate kiss on the mouth.
We went in to her house and it was as if nothing had changed.
She told me in bed that we must stop seeing each other as she falls in love with me everytime.
I should have respected that and left but I really liked her and we had previously agreed to now spend Thurs/Fri and Sat morning together.
Anyway on Friday I became very insecure and angry, I wanted to know why she had told me she loved me and then changed her mind, we didn't even really know each other, it made me feel worthless as a human being that she could cut me out of her life with no hesitation.
I went home later that day, on Sunday she messaged me and was apologetic and sincere, I invited her to come spend the day with me.
When we were together she kissed me again, and then we spent the rest of the afternoon like teenagers kissing and holding hands.
The next day she went back to not messaging me, I asked to see her Wednesday night she agreed, I will admit I am far from perfect, I kind of tried to invite myself to her house as I wanted to see the girl who she is when we are alone together, the kind, loving girl.
She said no, when we met I was angry I wanted to know where I stood with her as it was tearing me apart.
I said some quite hurtful things about how I would have been happier if I never met her.
She then told me she might be pregnant, we continued to argue and she stormed off and went home.
I got thinking about what if she is pregnant and sent a message saying whatever happens I am here for you.
She replied she did not want to talk to me.
2 days ago I messaged to ask if she was ok, she replied yes why?
I said I cared about her and that that does not change over night for me, we started talking again quite pleasantly, but then I messaged her yesterday lunch time and I am still waiting for a reply.
I am not sure if either of us has BPD or perhaps both, but since this all happened I have been a complete mess, it seems she would be happier to never hear from me again, of course I must stay in contact with her until I know she is not pregnant.
I am in the worst shape mentally and physically I have ever been in in my life, it's like the pain is manifesting itself throughout my body.
I don't know what can I do?
I don't sleep or eat now, I know I need rest but whenever I lie down it feels like I may have a heart attack.
Sorry for the terribly long story, I know I am stupid to be so upset over such a short relationship.
I will be very appreciative of any advice, thank you.
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