My BPD ex left me for his ex

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

 The relationship began while I was still living with my ex and I met this new man online. We talked on the phone and already there was a red flag I should have known because  he brought up his ex. About how she cheated on him and also she is a masseuse and he found out that she is doing extra things at her job so their relationship ended or they were currently separated. He had extreme interest in me right away even though we haven't even met yet. He found clues about where I work through social media and sent me a big bouquet of flowers to my work. He lives about an hour away. At first I was afraid he was a stalker or something but then again I thought how sweet of him to send me flowers. About a week later I found out I was pregnant on birth control. That was the day I was supposed to meet him but I told him we should stop talking because I just found out that I'm pregnant. He told me that he wanted to continue talking to me. And that we can be friends because he really liked me  and that I made him happy. So I was texting him and telling him how I was at urgent care and told him they were transferring me to the hospital. I let it slip out the name of the hospital because I really didn't think anything of it.  While I was at the hospital he was there for me through what I was going through. It was New Year's Eve. Then he told me that he was outside. And that is how I met him for the very first time. I thought he must really like me  because he drove over an hour to come meet someone he doesn't even know at the hospital because he really cares on New Year's eve. For a couple of weeks almost every day he would drive to see me  only for an hour or so because my ex was still living with me and I had to get home to my kids. But I didn't tell him that. About a week later  I was at home and my ex and the kids got together and we all watched a movie and I felt like I should give my ex another chance for the kids because they seemed so happy. Even though I didn't love my ex but I wanted to do it for the kids  so I told the BPD which I really don't know if he has it but I read about this condition and everything fits him. Anyway that night I told the BPD that we should stop talking that I am going to give my ex another chance . He was very sad and told me that he loved me and he was so happy with me. I was really shocked when he said he loves me because it was so soon but I felt flattered and the things that he said to me like he hopes I am happy and take my medicine when I am sick and  dress warm when it's cold stuff like that he also said that he thought I was the one that he would marry.and I hung up the phone and started crying. That moment I knew that I couldn't stop talking to him that I wanted to be with him. So we continue talking and things got serious pretty quick. I don't know if I have traits myself. I may have narcissistic traits. But anyway I told him that I love him about three weeks after we met. And we became boyfriend and girlfriend.  I kicked my ex out of the house and started having him come over and stay with me every weekend. He was a dream come true he help me around the house and did everything for me. Soon after that we took all of our kids out together his two and my four and had a great time. That day he met my parents. Things were going well. Until His ex found out about me because the kids told her. He told me that she was upset and that He should not bring the kids.  Around me and I pretty much only saw them two or three times and after that I notice he never brought them around me again. On Valentine's Day he made my day very special but when we were at the restaurant he introduced me to his friend as  his friend. I became a little upset and had to step out. But I came back and kept my composure and acted like everything was okay. After that day which I think I turned him off he started acting differently towards me. He stopped coming around as much.  We had our first disagreement when I saw that he was less interested in me and pulling away from me. When we broke up he contacted me just a few hours later and told me that he loves me deeply and he couldn't let me go. So we continue the relationship. I rememver  he booked a trip for us to go to Vegas. While we were there he told me a story of how that is where  he found his ex cheating on him. I think it brought back a lot of memories for him and that was also a red flag I should have ran. At that moment I should have known that he was not over her. When we got back from Vegas he was very distant with me he pulled away from me again and we broke up again. But he would always come back and tell me that he needed me and he didn't want us to break up so we continued again. He told me that it will be hard for us in March because the house that used to live with his ex the lease was up so she was going to move out.he started having his kids more so he was seeing me a lot less.  Every time I would notice him pull away to me it was a break up so I pulled away only for him to come back and tell me the same story again about how he loves me and he is willing to move with me and start a life with me or that I should move to where he lives.  One day we plan to have a date where I went to go stay with him but since he was living with his mom and she disapproves of me because she wanted him to get back with his ex so I didn't go back to her house anyway I came to his city that night and we stayed at a hotel. It was past midnight and his phone kept ringing finally I told him to answer the phone it was his ex calling she wanted him to take her to the hospital because you couldn't breathe.  He hung up and I thought about it and told him that he should just take her even though I didn't want him to. So he left and I was upset and I left there and told myself I would never come back here again. We didn't talk for a couple  days and then he started texting me and telling me how he should have never taking her and how he told her that she ruined his relationship with me and that I am the one that he loves and he wants to be with me. So we got back together again I started noticing the pattern and noticing how emotionally drained I was getting. I needed help with my kids soI called my ex to come and stay with me to help me with my kids. I found out I was pregnant with the BPD's baby even though I was on birth control. He wasn't very supportive and we decided to abort the baby.  We got into another argument over something and stop talking and my ex got a hold of the phone and texted him something. And the two guys started arguing over the phone and was going to get into a fight. I calm down my Bpd told him I would call him back but I didn't that night I received about 20 text messages. He was going crazy because I was ignoring him and that I was not responding. Finally we got back together again and everything was good he invited me to go to Lake Tahoe so I went but I felt something was off. When I got back I noticed that he was ignoring me again so we broke up again only to get back together  A day later. Anyway I noticed that he kept saying he was stressed out and he needed space and every time he needed space he would go gamble for a few days. He would even take off work for a week at a time. So the end of it all was that  One day he told me that his son was suicidal so he would call me back but he never did. I was getting worried so I called him but I think he blocked me. I didn't hear from him for two days so I emailed him as a last resort. I didn't  talk about the relationship only about the money that he owes me. And he responded and we were hostile against each other. Then I wrote him an email asking what happened and he wrote back that he was going through things and that I don't understand. so I worked at the courage to break up with him.  I really meant it this time and he sent me flowers to my work and I did not acknowledge it. He then told me he was parked outside of my work. He waited outside for four hours. I finally talk to him and noticed that he looked really skinny  and he looked very sad. He told me that he needed me and we made up again I even made him sign a contract that he will not emotionally abuse me again and he even signed it. The next day I posted a picture of the flowers on social media  and he told me his ex saw it and was upset that you went to go see me because you thought it was over between us. He kept telling me that she was annoying and that he only loves me. The next day he texted me that  The flowers didn't mean anything and he loves her more and needs her more and she is more important than me and to have a nice life. I knew it was coming from her but the fact that he let her send that to me was very upsetting. So two weeks later with no contact I got an email from his sister asking about how we broke up because her brother relapse back into doing drugs crack cocaine.  I was doing fine but ever since she wrote me that email I started worrying about him and missing him a lot even though I found out from his sister that he was cheating on me pretty much the whole time that days after we came back from Las Vegas he was working things out with her. Even though he is a liar And a cheater but somehow I just want to talk to him. So I wrote him an email tonight just seen that wherever he is and whatever he's doing I just wish him well and I hope that he is happy.

[RESTRADA]

 The relationship began while I was still living with my ex and I met this new man online. We talked on the phone and already there was a red flag I should have known because  he brought up his ex. About how she cheated on him and also she is a masseuse and he found out that she is doing extra things at her job so their relationship ended or they were currently separated. He had extreme interest in me right away even though we haven't even met yet. He found clues about where I work through social media and sent me a big bouquet of flowers to my work. He lives about an hour away. At first I was afraid he was a stalker or something but then again I thought how sweet of him to send me flowers. About a week later I found out I was pregnant on birth control. That was the day I was supposed to meet him but I told him we should stop talking because I just found out that I'm pregnant. He told me that he wanted to continue talking to me. And that we can be friends because he really liked me  and that I made him happy. So I was texting him and telling him how I was at urgent care and told him they were transferring me to the hospital. I let it slip out the name of the hospital because I really didn't think anything of it.  While I was at the hospital he was there for me through what I was going through. It was New Year's Eve. Then he told me that he was outside. And that is how I met him for the very first time. I thought he must really like me  because he drove over an hour to come meet someone he doesn't even know at the hospital because he really cares on New Year's eve. For a couple of weeks almost every day he would drive to see me  only for an hour or so because my ex was still living with me and I had to get home to my kids. But I didn't tell him that. About a week later  I was at home and my ex and the kids got together and we all watched a movie and I felt like I should give my ex another chance for the kids because they seemed so happy. Even though I didn't love my ex but I wanted to do it for the kids  so I told the BPD which I really don't know if he has it but I read about this condition and everything fits him. Anyway that night I told the BPD that we should stop talking that I am going to give my ex another chance . He was very sad and told me that he loved me and he was so happy with me. I was really shocked when he said he loves me because it was so soon but I felt flattered and the things that he said to me like he hopes I am happy and take my medicine when I am sick and  dress warm when it's cold stuff like that he also said that he thought I was the one that he would marry.and I hung up the phone and started crying. That moment I knew that I couldn't stop talking to him that I wanted to be with him. So we continue talking and things got serious pretty quick. I don't know if I have traits myself. I may have narcissistic traits. But anyway I told him that I love him about three weeks after we met. And we became boyfriend and girlfriend.  I kicked my ex out of the house and started having him come over and stay with me every weekend. He was a dream come true he help me around the house and did everything for me. Soon after that we took all of our kids out together his two and my four and had a great time. That day he met my parents. Things were going well. Until His ex found out about me because the kids told her. He told me that she was upset and that He should not bring the kids.  Around me and I pretty much only saw them two or three times and after that I notice he never brought them around me again. On Valentine's Day he made my day very special but when we were at the restaurant he introduced me to his friend as  his friend. I became a little upset and had to step out. But I came back and kept my composure and acted like everything was okay. After that day which I think I turned him off he started acting differently towards me. He stopped coming around as much.  We had our first disagreement when I saw that he was less interested in me and pulling away from me. When we broke up he contacted me just a few hours later and told me that he loves me deeply and he couldn't let me go. So we continue the relationship. I rememver  he booked a trip for us to go to Vegas. While we were there he told me a story of how that is where  he found his ex cheating on him. I think it brought back a lot of memories for him and that was also a red flag I should have ran. At that moment I should have known that he was not over her. When we got back from Vegas he was very distant with me he pulled away from me again and we broke up again. But he would always come back and tell me that he needed me and he didn't want us to break up so we continued again. He told me that it will be hard for us in March because the house that used to live with his ex the lease was up so she was going to move out.he started having his kids more so he was seeing me a lot less.  Every time I would notice him pull away to me it was a break up so I pulled away only for him to come back and tell me the same story again about how he loves me and he is willing to move with me and start a life with me or that I should move to where he lives.  One day we plan to have a date where I went to go stay with him but since he was living with his mom and she disapproves of me because she wanted him to get back with his ex so I didn't go back to her house anyway I came to his city that night and we stayed at a hotel. It was past midnight and his phone kept ringing finally I told him to answer the phone it was his ex calling she wanted him to take her to the hospital because you couldn't breathe.  He hung up and I thought about it and told him that he should just take her even though I didn't want him to. So he left and I was upset and I left there and told myself I would never come back here again. We didn't talk for a couple  days and then he started texting me and telling me how he should have never taking her and how he told her that she ruined his relationship with me and that I am the one that he loves and he wants to be with me. So we got back together again I started noticing the pattern and noticing how emotionally drained I was getting. I needed help with my kids soI called my ex to come and stay with me to help me with my kids. I found out I was pregnant with the BPD's baby even though I was on birth control. He wasn't very supportive and we decided to abort the baby.  We got into another argument over something and stop talking and my ex got a hold of the phone and texted him something. And the two guys started arguing over the phone and was going to get into a fight. I calm down my Bpd told him I would call him back but I didn't that night I received about 20 text messages. He was going crazy because I was ignoring him and that I was not responding. Finally we got back together again and everything was good he invited me to go to Lake Tahoe so I went but I felt something was off. When I got back I noticed that he was ignoring me again so we broke up again only to get back together  A day later. Anyway I noticed that he kept saying he was stressed out and he needed space and every time he needed space he would go gamble for a few days. He would even take off work for a week at a time. So the end of it all was that  One day he told me that his son was suicidal so he would call me back but he never did. I was getting worried so I called him but I think he blocked me. I didn't hear from him for two days so I emailed him as a last resort. I didn't  talk about the relationship only about the money that he owes me. And he responded and we were hostile against each other. Then I wrote him an email asking what happened and he wrote back that he was going through things and that I don't understand. so I worked at the courage to break up with him.  I really meant it this time and he sent me flowers to my work and I did not acknowledge it. He then told me he was parked outside of my work. He waited outside for four hours. I finally talk to him and noticed that he looked really skinny  and he looked very sad. He told me that he needed me and we made up again I even made him sign a contract that he will not emotionally abuse me again and he even signed it. The next day I posted a picture of the flowers on social media  and he told me his ex saw it and was upset that you went to go see me because you thought it was over between us. He kept telling me that she was annoying and that he only loves me. The next day he texted me that  The flowers didn't mean anything and he loves her more and needs her more and she is more important than me and to have a nice life. I knew it was coming from her but the fact that he let her send that to me was very upsetting. So two weeks later with no contact I got an email from his sister asking about how we broke up because her brother relapse back into doing drugs crack cocaine.  I was doing fine but ever since she wrote me that email I started worrying about him and missing him a lot even though I found out from his sister that he was cheating on me pretty much the whole time that days after we came back from Las Vegas he was working things out with her. Even though he is a liar And a cheater but somehow I just want to talk to him. So I wrote him an email tonight just seen that wherever he is and whatever he's doing I just wish him well and I hope that he is happy.

[Aussie0zborn]

Sometimes it's best to wish them well and hope they are happy from afar. You don't need to be there.

You might get more replies if your posts are easier to read. A few paragraph breaks every now and then work well.

[cosmonaut]

Hi RESTRADA



I'm so sorry to hear about all of the heartbreak that you have been through.  The push/pull, silent treatments, and uncertainty of a BPD relationship can be agonizing.  I understand.  I went through similar with my ex.  So, I can understand.  And I'm sorry that you are going through this too.  I know it's hard.

You mentioned that you contacted your ex.  Have you heard anything back?  Are you open to continuing a relationship with him, or are you just wanting to know if he is ok?  I'm really sorry to hear that he seems to have fallen into a bad place right now with his substance abuse.  I'm sure that must be scary for you.  I worry about that with my ex too, and I also hope she's ok.

You had mentioned that you were doing well until you heard from your ex's sister.  Does that mean you were moving on?  How are you doing now?  Are you taking good care of you?

I'm glad that you've found us, RESTRADA.  All of us can understand how painful these relationships can be.  We're here for you.  You're not alone.