Introduction

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi everybody.  I've been reading your posts for the past couple of days and have gotten so much out of them.  My 26 year old son was diagnosed last year with BPD and has actually been in therapy (which he often misses) since January.  On somebody's post I read about BPD being a steep hill with holes and pits along the way, and that's a great metaphor for his s-l-o-w progress.  But I do think he has made a little bit in the past months.  He's recognized that he abuses alcohol and actually took the step (urged by his therapist) of going to a detox center.  Of course he's relapsed since then. He told me that he drank heavily last week but has been much better this week. Right now he's looking for a job and wanting to get an apartment but he spends so much time complaining about his life that it really brings us all down.  The advice on this site about validation has been invaluable.  I'm a type A person who loves to organize people's lives, but when he talks I have to learn to take a breath and listen, not just react.  This is tough to learn in middle age!  The hardest adjustment in my thinking is getting away from the idea that he'll be cured one fine day and everything will be great again.  I need to be more patient with the idea of recovery.  Also, like so many of you, I grapple with my regrets over how I dealt with him when he was little.  He is a twin, and he was the "difficult" twin, and I know that I was more frazzled in my handling of him than I should have been.  I will try to forgive myself for that, knowing that I was doing the best I could do.  He was such a tough little guy; I had no idea that he was hiding this extraordinary sensitivity. 

[JE141]

Hi everybody.  I've been reading your posts for the past couple of days and have gotten so much out of them.  My 26 year old son was diagnosed last year with BPD and has actually been in therapy (which he often misses) since January.  On somebody's post I read about BPD being a steep hill with holes and pits along the way, and that's a great metaphor for his s-l-o-w progress.  But I do think he has made a little bit in the past months.  He's recognized that he abuses alcohol and actually took the step (urged by his therapist) of going to a detox center.  Of course he's relapsed since then. He told me that he drank heavily last week but has been much better this week. Right now he's looking for a job and wanting to get an apartment but he spends so much time complaining about his life that it really brings us all down.  The advice on this site about validation has been invaluable.  I'm a type A person who loves to organize people's lives, but when he talks I have to learn to take a breath and listen, not just react.  This is tough to learn in middle age!  The hardest adjustment in my thinking is getting away from the idea that he'll be cured one fine day and everything will be great again.  I need to be more patient with the idea of recovery.  Also, like so many of you, I grapple with my regrets over how I dealt with him when he was little.  He is a twin, and he was the "difficult" twin, and I know that I was more frazzled in my handling of him than I should have been.  I will try to forgive myself for that, knowing that I was doing the best I could do.  He was such a tough little guy; I had no idea that he was hiding this extraordinary sensitivity. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi JE141,

It is great to have you making your first post and already benefiting from reading here.

I think you are the first parent I have met here who has twins, and one with BPD.

It is interesting how different each of our children are and even so with twins.  What kind of relationship do your twins have now?

I'm glad to know your s26 is in therapy.  Do you know what kind of therapy he is in and do you sometimes go as a family to sessions to learn to support him?

I look forward to learning more about you and how to best support you going forward. 

lbj

[JE141]

Thanks for the welcome, LBJ.  My twins (fraternal) live far apart from each other--one in the West and one in the Southeast, so they don't see much of each other.  But they do communicate on social media and they seem pretty supportive of each other.  They fought terribly when they were growing up, but hopefully some of that tension is easing!   My s26 is in two therapy sessions a week, one group and one individual, and I know they use Dialectical Behavior Therapy.  My husband and I live in a different state so unfortunately we haven't attended any of the sessions, but because my son signed the appropriate consent forms, his therapist and I can discuss his progress over the phone.