how long before you heard from them ?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just wondering after the BU it took or didn't for your x to get in touch ?

[dobie]

Just wondering after the BU it took or didn't for your x to get in touch ?

[leftconfused]

The longest I have made it so far was 19 days without him contacting me.  Prior to that I was the one usually trying to make contact and him reciprocating.  This last time I said that is it and stopped contacting and he didn't wait long. 

[Bassoutcast]

So far - 2 months since the b/u, no message/phone call or any form of "direct" contact. She did play a few mind games with me with statuses and profile pictures to see my response, but I've stopped reacting to that.

I suspect she either waits for me to contact her (which she usually does to people, telling them to stop contacting her to see how far it can go, but I'm not going to directly contact her unless she initiates it), or she's starting to get lonely and is cyber-stalking me (possibility, since I was her first b/f and she's not "easy", at least that's what I've been told) or she has a replacement (HIGHLY unlikely. she's practically a poster girl for "red flags", plus doesn't go out that often).

We're both going to the same concert in the beginning of June, I have mixed feelings about it - on the one hand I'd love to meet her and maybe talk to her, see how it goes from there, on the other hand I fear it might trigger all sorts of feelings like anxiety.

[DyingLove]

Just wondering after the BU it took or didn't for your x to get in touch ?

62 days no contact. Period.

Here are some feelings and wishes, both real and imaginary.

Sad, Happy, Crazy, Missing, Angry, Confused, Still in Love, Wanting Her, Needing Her, Numb Inside, If She only came back life would be good.

[StarOfTheSea]

I'm about a week shy of four months. He's with my replacement so he hasn't reached out. I give them about two more months before the r/s implodes. I suspect that some of his FB posts have been put up with me in mind.

I'm fairly certain he kept some of my clothes since they're nowhere to be found after the move. I'd like to call and ask if he has them but I know he won't answer. Plus the sound of his voice makes me panicky and sick.

I wish I could get some heartfelt remorse and a genuine apology from him but I know it will never happen. I don't miss him, but I have a ton of anger and resentment.

[dagwoodbowser]

She's like Hailey's Comet. She breaks up with me then comes back around 80-100 days.

Promise it's Not a good thing. This time she's blocked in every possible way because all she does is come into my life, takes what she needs and then as soon as a new shiny object gets her attention she's gone again.

Too devastating.

[runningup]

I wish I could get some heartfelt remorse and a genuine apology from him but I know it will never happen. I don't miss him, but I have a ton of anger and resentment.

I feel about the same as this, but its something we are NEVER going to get, and that makes closure very difficult.

[valet]

Maybe 8 hours?

She whatsapp'd me the following morning and asked me if I needed help getting a doctor's note for work.

Kind of weird at the time. I thought that she might want get back together, but now I see the big picture: she knew that she hurt me, and she was just trying to help me soothe my pain.

Noble, but counter-productive as far as my actual healing was concerned.

[Lostafterbpd]

Here are some feelings and wishes, both real and imaginary.

Sad, Happy, Crazy, Missing, Angry, Confused, Still in Love, Wanting Her, Needing Her, Numb Inside, If She only came back life would be good.

+1 for all those feelings. Wondering how long we will hang onto them... .

[Irish Pride]

Her and I have recycled so many times, it's hard to say. But, after I thought I had struck the final blow that would ensure I'd never hear from her again (confronting her about her BPD and telling her it was my final closure), she emailed me about two weeks after, just this past Thursday. Just a picture, but it's contact, all the same. Unreal. And this after one of her supposed therapists told her to "cut all ties with me". 

[JRT]

Going on 8 months... .planning the wedding one day... .the next day she moved out and b/u via text without any explanation of any kind... .at this point, I don't think that I will ever hear from her

[Kaster21]

Haven't heard from mine yet been broke up since the first of may of this month. Been NC for 10 days so far.

[Trog]

Over a month and it was pretty low contact before that since December last year and very few occasions so I suppose we can say I am almost NC for 6 months. However back in Feb I suffered quite a setback as she spoke stout wanting me back and still being in love but made no effort to see me or give suggestions on how to fix the marriage. That hurt me a lot. I spent years trying in a very difficult marriage and I don't feel she tried at all despite telling me every month how important marriage was to her. I'm still very disappointed that our marriage failed, of course I know in my head it could not have gone any other way but my heart wanted another outcome.

The worst thing about this whole episode is wondering if it's even possible for me to fall in love again. Although she drives me nuts, I truly loved how my ex made me feel (did I love her, can't say I did, I don't care how she is and I don't care if she is happy or well). The longer I'm out the more I wonder what kind of love this even was for me. A drama addiction perhaps, some kind of addiction for sure. I did not like my exes opinions but I loved her in my arms, something felt very natural about us physically, but mentally it was the worst time of my life. Does anyone recognise this? Loving your partners body and presence but not liking them as a person?

[michel71]

Yes I can relate to this.

I loved our intimacy. And it wasn't just about the sex act. It was true loving expression. And a physical bond. Her body. The way she felt in my arms. It just makes me want to cry. I still love her very much although she thinks I don't anymore, but I just couldn't take it. BPD always wins. I didn't like how she treated me outside the bedroom for sure and try as I might and especially before I knew about BPD I would do ANYTHING to see if we could translate what we had in the bedroom to "cure" the problems in the day to day communicating and relating. Don't get me wrong, the beginning of the relationship was this huge connection on all levels. But you know how it goes with BPD. Pained black eventually. I became her trigger. Eventually, our intimacy dwindled down and I contributed to that as I lost my sex drive because I felt so disrespected and devalued in other areas

[Reecer1588]

Not since February 5th.

I don't think she'll ever speak to me again.

I don't really think she cares at this point. I don't think speaking to me serves her any purpose, nor will it ever. So I don't think she will

[once removed]

i got what i call "ambiguous contact". seven or eight months out, i got a facebook friend request that was rescinded a few hours later. got another one within a year of that. nothing since. before these contacts i expected more. when they happened i wasnt triggered and saw them for what they were, and not uncommon. i dont expect anything more ever again.

[Arcturus81]

Two months today. When they have a replacement like mine does it can be a while. Just know that this can be a good thing for you. You can rebuild your emotional defenses for when they do come back. Or if you are lucky they won't and you will be able to find the right one for you. Chin up!

[Beach_Babe]

I wish I could get some heartfelt remorse and a genuine apology from him but I know it will never happen.

+1   This is the hardest thing.

[.cup.car]

Always hear from her in some way during the first week of July.

Did the math and it averages out to July 4th at 7:45 PM. Off the top of my head:

July 5th 2011 - recycle

July 7th 2012 - recycle

July 11th 2013 - first instance of stalking

July 1st 2014 - more stalking

Personally I think all the drag racing ads on the radio trigger her.

[bunnyrabit]

It usually takes her a few months after she disappears on me. Then I will hear from her again after she's made more than up for all those years she had to spend with just one man  

Nothing changes, she keeps replaying the same old movie. Only this time I've fiddled with the script   I've blocked her on all possible avenues. I might as well be dead to her and If it's up to me it will stay that way for the rest of my life.

After all the horrible recycles I endured I don't care for her anymore, not even as a friend. It pains me to say this but now, after all the masks have come off, I find her an all-round repulsive person.

i don't care about apologies, closure, nothing... .I just want her to stay far away from me.

[valet]

Always hear from her in some way during the first week of July.

Did the math and it averages out to July 4th at 7:45 PM. Off the top of my head:

July 5th 2011 - recycle

July 7th 2012 - recycle

July 11th 2013 - first instance of stalking

July 1st 2014 - more stalking

Personally I think all the drag racing ads on the radio trigger her.

This is quite amazing indeed.

My advice to dobie: don't let accounts like this fuel a false hope in you. You've been making huge strides in healing lately. Keep the train rolling man!

[dobie]

Always hear from her in some way during the first week of July.

Did the math and it averages out to July 4th at 7:45 PM. Off the top of my head:

July 5th 2011 - recycle

July 7th 2012 - recycle

July 11th 2013 - first instance of stalking

July 1st 2014 - more stalking

Personally I think all the drag racing ads on the radio trigger her.

This is quite amazing indeed.

My advice to dobie: don't let accounts like this fuel a false hope in you. You've been making huge strides in healing lately. Keep the train rolling man!

Thanks valet I expect as she has my replacement setup and a trip to the far east in November it will be quite a while before she contacts me

When she does I hope to firmly slam it in her face