uBPDw (stbx) had requested we mediate a financial settlement. In reflecting on this, a mediator would be more like a marriage counselor in a way, right?
She hates marriage counselors. They don't take her side.
I'm thinking if we each had our own lawyer and sat down, perhaps if she a zealous advocate would work better. The lawyer would be on her side... .
I might bring that up as an option. We'll probably end up with a traditional divorce and all the trappings.
This sucks.
Gomez
A variation of this is that you both have lawyers, and a mediator goes between rooms. This is how I did it with my ex, and we managed to settle all but one piece, which effectively gave us a settlement. In the settlement, it just said, "This one thing the parties cannot agree to, so must be adjudicated by a judge." (Just an aside on this -- it allows people to feel like they won. What many don't realize is that you have to be the one to initiate the new motion. So if you agree on 90% in mediation, and then tell your wife that the 10% has to go before a judge, she may feel that she "won." Not realizing that if she doesn't lift a finger to make the thing happen, then nothing will happen. )
I managed to do well in mediation, which is fairly shocking given that mediation is not often successful with someone who has BPD. Especially a very narcissistic BPD. I think my ex wanted desperately to appear like the reasonable person. He was performing. Also, I was in another room so only heard what the mediator told me. It all came through a filter.
This goes to maxen's point about having a lawyer be the baffle.
This would also minimize the chances that she could expertly triangulate the mediator and you, because she would not have access to you directly.
And yes, it does suck. However, if you get a mediator, really grill that person about their skills. A really good mediator is worth his/her weight in gold.
