Please Can I Find the Willpower To Stop this Once and For All?

[daz_bpd]

"until you send me the money, i will treat you worse. and when i lose my job, you will lose me and i will hate you forever" - her.

The above message summarises how she has treated me for the last two years.

I'm hanging onto the feelings and sensations that happened so long ago.

[Loosestrife]

Hi daz, what is it you're wanting to stop?

[daz_bpd]

Her making me feel guilty for cutting her off completely and taking her out of my life.

For her to stop all the emotional abuse.

To stop allowing the woman that is meant to be the love of my life, treat me so badly that it is the only area of my life causing me such pain and unhappiness.

[daz_bpd]

Well she put herself in another mess, and needed my help to 'save her' and i wouldn't do it. She 'lost' her wallet. And told me she wouldn't go back to work. Of course she exploded when I said 'no' to her, and she began the blame and guilt saga. Im a 'liar' for not sending her more money I 'promised her', when i already had sent her 5x her salary in the last 10 days to fix her mess, and allow her to fly to her home town to spend time with her daughter and buy her daughter stationary for school. Yet I am the villain?

These may be her last messages:

How can you sleep knowing im here, like this?

H: Its very clear now you dont have any concern for me. Much less whatever you call love.

H: Keep in mind that for every second I spend in agony here, i think of what a liar you are and how you tricked me to coming here as part of your plot for revenge.

H: YOU SLEEP NOW AT THE COMFORTS OF YOUR BED?___ YOU DAZ!

H: ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!

I later replied:

Did you find a way to get to work?

She had overspent and wasted finances again, and treated me poorly, and wasn't prepared to communicate properly. She is still angry at me.

[OnceConfused]

Daz:

Your life happiness is yours own , and not your BPDSO to give.

IN many if not all cases, we blame BPD for our unhappiness, but in reality it is US who make ourselves miserable. Why?

Because we let them.

If you have a child, who demands toys after toys and if you don't give in they will give a tamper tantrum. YOu can simply give in time after time to make the child stop the nagging but the nagging will never stop because the child will not be happy with whatever she/he has at the time. Or you can set a limit and put your foot down.

THe decision to give in to the child at every demands or put your foot down is YOURS. What do you want to be?

[Loosestrife]

i agree with once confused. Stop funding her. Tell her she is being abusive and you need some time out. I suspect she will drop you like a hot brick if the money supply runs out. That would be a good thing although it probably doesn't feel like it right now. You are also enabling the problem by responding to her demand and communication. Damage limitation = stop and step back.

[daz_bpd]

Unfortunately, she got fired from her job yesterday. The absenteeism and late arrivals, as well as not meeting deadlines for contracts has piled up.

She may have just 'dropped me like a hot brick', I see now I have been removed from contacts. Its probably for the best though.

Indeed i have been allowing her to do this to me.

I must formulate a game-plan should she try to contact me again.

I really do want things to be better for her. I'm very sad to let her go, especially at such difficult circumstances.

[Loosestrife]

Game plan is a good idea. We are here for you 

[pallavirajsinghani]

Hello My Friend:

This helped me understand the limitations of the caregiving role.  We can love and help as much as the other person is capable of receiving it... .no more, no less.  Caregiving has its limitations.  Love cannot cure mental disorders.  Hope this helps:-

www.thecruxmovie.com/pdf/TheBridgeShortStory.pdf

God Bless.