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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: BPD ex wife causing legal trouble for us  (Read 936 times)
jenbren2006
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 51


« on: June 03, 2015, 11:31:33 AM »

We are at the end of our ropes with my husbands ex.  His 3 kids are now living with his parents because they were running back to their mother with things that were going on in our home (typical discipline issues) and she was reporting us to the courts.  The first week of our marriage His ex reported me to CHild Protective Services.  The 9 year old completely fabricated a story about how I threatened to hit her for not setting the dining room table!  I've never even hit my own child!  I have an eight year old little girl and I just can't risk being around his children anymore.  All it would take is one lie and they could potentially take my daughter away! 

She just reported me to the police this time for yelling at the kids. I'm am a good honest professional person and every time something like that happens I am cut to the core.  I can't imagine how evil a person is to treat others this way.  The sad thing is that his kids will never have a great mother. I was it.

We are going to let her move with the kids and my husband will see them every other weekend.  Right now it's 50/50.  We are hoping that by her moving things will calm down. 

Wondering if others out there have had legal trouble like this?
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Thunderstruck
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 823



« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2015, 12:59:47 PM »

I have! It all occured in a short burst, within about one month. We had uBPDbm call CPS claiming we were doing drugs and abusing SD10 because we were "mean". Then there was a call to CPS (we don't know if it's for sure from uBPDbm or not) claiming DH was sexually abusing SD10. Then uBPDbm went to the court to try to get a restraining order against DH for DV. When that didn't work, she put the claim in SD10s name and tried again, claiming kidnapping. Oh, and the cops were called twice to show up at our house on nights that we picked up SD10.

Poor SD10, understandably, was an emotional wreck during that time.

Everything was proven to be "unfounded". In all of the reports it was shown that DH was a good parent who had a loving relationship with SD10 and was involved at her school. We've found that SD10s behavior got better with our 2-2-5 schedule. There is a set schedule and she has frequent contact with DH. She has stopped acting out with us as often.

We're going through a CE and we're hoping that this, along with uBPDbm's other behaviors, will gain us primary custody.
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"Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength."

"The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so. But we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitos and silly people." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
scraps66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated 9/2008, living apart since 1/2010
Posts: 1514



« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2015, 01:24:52 PM »

I would not assume that moving will ease this issue.  I would assume, and plan to counteract, these very same things continuing.  The reduction in parenting time is a first step.  What could be next - another reduction in parenting time.  Time and more of it is what is necessary to limit the damage of a BP.  More time with a BP parent is what can cause more damage to the children.   
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